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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re 'if you're well enough to be out you're well enough to be in work'

160 replies

Misscromwellrocks · 29/12/2019 11:01

My sister is getting over a really bad chest infection and is at the stage of being able to potter down to the village for a bit of fresh air every morning before going back home to rest.

She's due back in to work after Christmas tomorrow but really could do with another couple of days recuperating. She's a bit worried though as a colleague of hers was coming out of Tesco yesterday and stopped and exchanged a bit of small talk. My sister is now worried that she'll be seen as a shirker on the grounds that she's well enough to be out etc.

Aibu to think there's a huge difference between
getting up at 6.30, facing a long coomute, a full day at work, another long commute home and
having a lie on, going for a short stroll to the shops or to a local cafe, then going back home to rest.

Being able to do the latter in no way implies your up to the former in my opinion.

OP posts:
Vulpine · 29/12/2019 14:01

It depends what your job is but in general if you're well enough to go to the shops, you're well enough to work

MollyButton · 29/12/2019 14:08

My Husband had meningitis (viral) - he thought after 2 weeks he should return to work (involving a long commute).
I said he wasn't to think about it until he'd at least been into town with me for a coffee (10 minute walk). So we attempted it. Walked into town, stopped at cafe and had a coffee. I then had to get a Taxi to take us home.
Sometimes you can do a "little" but cannot possibly do a job. Most employers would rather you didn't come in than either: collapse on the job or actually be a nuisance because you can't do your job.

akittencalledjesus · 29/12/2019 14:08

No, it's that your viewpoints that make you sound like the person initiating the office gossip because going for coffee = well enough to work.

Well enough to go to the supermarket and well enough to work are two vastly different scenarios.

When I had a bad chest infection I managed to drag myself to the GP, the pharmacy for the meds I was prescribed and the supermarket because I had precisely zero food. I wasn't well enough to work. But according to some posters I was by the very fact I went to the shops.

Bonkers.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/12/2019 14:17

I too was caught by that attitude. I had recurring bronchitis and my GP told me to have a long picnic out in the sun, get my vitamin D levels up etc. I was out on disciplinary when I went back to work, despite explaining.

My GP wrote a blistering letter, OH backed it up and my Dept Head the made my life a total misery until I left.

Sometimes you just know you can't win when people set their attitude to 'Unreasonable'

WorldsOnFire · 29/12/2019 14:19

My boss got signed off before Christmas and went on an exotic 3 week holiday which was blasted all over social media shortly after 😬 I don’t think it went down well, I don’t think he cared 👍🏻

I’ve been off work for several months (pregnancy complications) and have only just started getting out of the house for an hour or so each day consistently. GP and Midwife both urge me to ‘try to get out and about more’ but I get anxious people from work will see me and assume I’m taking the mick.
Reality is, I’m not that unwell anymore but I was so unwell for so long that it’s taking a while for my body to recover. Even an hour tootling locally means I’m asleep by 7pm.

CameraTime · 29/12/2019 14:19

It depends on the job. I used to work in an office, about a 20 minute commute, sitting down all day, and once I was at the stage where I could make it to the shops, I could certainly have gone to work. Probably wouldn't have done anything productive, but it would have shut up the office busybodies.

Now I do a lot of training, which involves being on my feet and talking. No way it's at the same level as popping to the shops.

I think we're far too quick to try to get people "back to work", instead of allowing them to properly recover. The latter is far better in the long term.

Original poster
Misscromwellrocks · 29/12/2019 14:30

To the poster who asked what she would do if she didn't get sick pay :

We'll she'd probably drag herself into work and the infection would also drag on for ages or require another dose of medication or shed6be exhausted and working below par for ages.

Deciding what to do based on how you'd act if your employer didn't offer sick pay doesn't necessarily lead to the best decisions.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 29/12/2019 14:42

I’m ill at the moment and happen to also be on annual leave.
I went to the shops on Friday for an hour and It took so much out of me I had to go to bed for the rest of the day.
You absolutely can be well enough to go to the shops for a bit but not be up to an 8 hour day at work. It’s ridiculous to suggest they are equivalent.
I could claim my annual leave back as sick leave but I can’t be bothered with the paperwork in case anyone thinks I’m skiving too.

Greggers2017 · 29/12/2019 14:43

In cases like your sisters she is entitled to a few more days off. She needs to live and having groceries is a necessity.

I have a colleague who is currently off with a bad back. She is currently in Las Vegas posting lots of pictures on Facebook, including going on theme park rides. That is not ok.

SerenDippitty · 29/12/2019 14:43

It depends what your job is but in general if you're well enough to go to the shops, you're well enough to work

In what way is going to the shops for a few essentials as mentally demanding as working?

gamerwidow · 29/12/2019 14:44

Having to work when you are ill because you don’t have sick pay doesn’t mean you’re necessarily fit to work. It means you are working ill at sub optimal performance and putting yourself at risk of further illness. Thankfully most of us who are employed don’t have to do this and it’s a good thing.

Straycatstrut · 29/12/2019 14:46

I think a person knows deep down if they're too unwell for work, or if they think they're unwell enough to use it as an excuse.

I knew I was unwell once and I went into work. I was mentally unwell (family member was very ill and I'd recently suffered a nasty break up) I had a full on meltdown in front of both staff and children - children were very confused and maybe even scared.

I shouldn't have gone in.

Thing is when you're ill NO ONE believes it when it comes to having a sick day unless you're at deaths door.

Schuyler · 29/12/2019 14:46

@Vulpine

How do sick people buy food then or collect prescriptions? My GP surgery is next door to a huge supermarket with a pharmacy. Is 30 mins getting essentials and medication any way on par to working an 8 hour day? This is popping to the shops, not a shopping day out on oxford street.

SmudgeButt · 29/12/2019 14:58

Should anyone ask she can say she needed supplies, milk, tissues, whatever. And the fresh air helped clear her head for a while and then she sank exhausted back into bed as soon as she got home.

Alternative view....I've got a dreadful cold I can't shift, have given it to (somewhat) DH and possibly aged MiL who lives with us. If I was on my own I'd happily sleep from now until at least Thursday, maybe longer. But as I've got 2 others in the house I will be incredibly happy to be at work tomorrow. My manager will tell me to go home and I will tell him to shove that. Being at home will be harder for me as I'll be looking after 2 others whereas at work I can sit at my desk and do stuff and likely others will even offer to get me a cup of tea.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 29/12/2019 15:28

I have been ill with a vile cold and chesty cough since I finished work last Friday - Christmas was completely cancelled. Yesterday I ventured out to get my haircut, and felt afraid when I ran into someone I knew from work, despite the fact I am on annual leave. The “don’t leave the house if you are ill” memo is firmly in place at my work!

MorganKitten · 29/12/2019 15:53

I dragged myself to work, got worse, but in the evening wanted to go to a gig I had tickets for (sold out in 2mins, band haven’t toured in 10years) I went, deff got worse, I ended up in a&e temp of 104 and bacterial tonsillitis. So more time off.
We’ve been forced to work sick, and we get worse

Miljea · 29/12/2019 16:21

I think it depends on the job, too.

I worked (NHS frontline, though not doing much...) on the Saturday before Xmas. A duty porter was off sick, someone with a good attendance record.

On Sunday I was in a supermarket and ran into her. Bear in mind in was just before Xmas and I know her DH is disabled and can't drive.

My first remark to her was 'Gosh, hope you're feeling better'. Poor woman in a panic started explaining herself to me, when I realised she might have interpreted my remark as sarcasm! So I quickly assured her that I recognised that nipping to the shop the day after being off sick didn't mean I thought she was skiving!

The NHS, however, is appalling for its sickness record. There really is all but no management of blatant piss taking!

daisychain01 · 29/12/2019 19:03

I have a colleague who is currently off with a bad back. She is currently in Las Vegas posting lots of pictures on Facebook, including going on theme park rides. That is not ok.

There are always going to be daft individuals who will thumb their nose up at their employer and colleagues. And they're even more dumb if they don't bother to ensure their security levels on social media are controlled.

Original poster
Misscromwellrocks · 29/12/2019 19:34

Problem is that sick leave policies are based around these irresponsible individuals and people who really need a bit of leeway and compassion suffer. But those self absorbed individuals never see the problems and difficulties they cause for others, and probably come up with all kinds of excuses for their selfish behaviour.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 29/12/2019 19:43

Problem is that sick leave policies are based around these irresponsible individuals and people who really need a bit of leeway and compassion suffer.
I agree as an NHS manager I’ve had to put people on sickness performance monitoring when I know they have just had genuine bad luck with sickness causing real worry for them with. All the time seeing the genuine pisstakers play the system without a care in the world.
You don’t get to exercise any common sense or look at their previous work history.

Runnerduck34 · 29/12/2019 21:49

Some colleagues may jump.to conclusions, but yanbu to pop to a supermarket whilst ill, big difference between going out for an hour and coming home to rest and being at work all day, I wouldn't worry , as pp she could have popped out for medicine , it's no one's business and she shouldn't go back to work before she's better, particularly if she has doctors certificate.

Miljea · 29/12/2019 22:17

gamerwidow what a cop out. If you are a Band 8 NHS manager, you need to stop being a sap to upper management.

You know who's taking the piss and who isn't. And act accordingly. Otherwise don't you dare wring your hands about good, reliable, competent, responsible staff walking out (and replacing them with sometimes dubiously trained, endlessly DATIX'ed overseas staff- surely that's more of a hassle?). Manage your staff. Which might require you to warn upper management of what happens when you piss your reliable staff off.

Five years ago my Band 8 came up to me and said 'our upper managers, sitting aloof in their airconned offices, tell me I have to hand out warnings to six staff who have exceeded what HR say are too high absence levels. However, I know you and 2 others are not taking the piss so I'm just telling you'. End of.

Celticrose · 29/12/2019 23:03

We once had a visitor who was recovering from a chest infection. My DH then got one but unfortunately he is an asthmatic. The infection totally floored him off work for 3 months and took another year to fully recover. So after that I was not to happy when people dragged themselves into work with their chest infections coughing and spluttering all around everyone.
Also years ago when I was recovering from major abdominal surgery I was encouraged by the work nurse to get myself out of the house each day. I started to realise by staying in the house I was slowly getting cabin fever. Also it's not until you actually go out that you find out how well you have recovered. If you return from an outing to the shops and feel you need to lie down for a bit then you are not ready to go back to work. Most reasonable people know when they are ready. When I broke my elbow and went to see occupational health the person could see Immediately I was not able to go back and needed physiotherapy and was happy to be told that this was in hand. But if someone from work had seen me that day and had realised how far I had driven to get there and seen me in a nearby shop maybe they would have gone back to work and had a good old gossip about me swinging the lead. What you see is not necessarily the whole picture.

PorpentinaScamander · 29/12/2019 23:08

in general if you're well enough to go to the shops, you're well enough to work

My local shop is closer to my house than the bus stop where I catch the bus to work. I might be able to get to the shop and/or the pharmacy next door but that doesnt mean I can manage the 25 min bus journey, 20 min walk, 15 hour shift then reverse of journey required to do a days work.