To stop my BIL coming over because of our cat

[Overwhelmedoverfit]

So my BIL has been coming round quite frequently to see us. We have an indoor 7 month ragdoll, who is very sweet and loving but does know his own mind. He doesn't mind being picked up but will give a light nip when he wants down, doesn't hurt and usually he licks as well to show he means no harm.

My BIL has twice now picked up the cat, not put him down when the cat 'asks' and tried to punish the cat when he bit him harder and tried to scratch. At this point BIL was holding the cat and rubbing his tummy, something I don't think any cat likes, but Po didn't cause any bleeding or even marks, which I think is quite restrained!

BIL punishment is to blow in the cats face and try and hit him. I say try because I've never let him get that far, and I've let him know how disappointed we are that he considers that acceptable!

BIL doesn't listen to a word I say, says he's doing what's best for the cat cause if you let them bite they won't stop and he knows dogs and he's read about this breed. He's never owned a dog but his wife used to walk them, and they both seem under the impression that with enough punishment they can get our cat to do whatever a dog would. Which is complete BS!

I've now said he can't pick up the cat at all and when he didn't stop I suggested he doesn't come over until he can control himself. My MIL has now had a massive go at me for putting a cat above family.

AIBU? We try not to use punishment with Po cause it doesn't work and he just gets sad, and him showing he wants down and getting annoyed when he's not put down isn't anything to punish in my mind? Also my BIL is 30 so should definitely know better!

[SandyY2K]

I'd just put the cat in another room where he/she has everything they need...I.e. food and litter tray.

I wouldn't ban a relative for this reason.

[Singlenotsingle]

Put the cat in the bedroom when BIL visits

[Boireannachlaidir]

Put the cat first please your BIL is a horrible man. The cat needs to be protected from abusive people like him and I wouldn't let him visit if he harmed or tormented my pet ever.

As for your MIL, she sounds like an idiot.

[zaffa]

I hate people who do this! I have two cats - one of which will absolutely not be picked up by anyone (getting him to the vet is a nightmare). He is affectionate on his own terms, they both are but they are clear on what those terms are and I always warn people - Dcats don't like x and y so please don't do this.
And people who do it anyway (picking up, belly scratches) because they think that the cats should get used to it / not be aggressive drive me mad. I do take the view though that if you get scratched as a result of doing something any animal does not like, that is what you get frankly and if anyone attempted to punish my cats (or any animal in my house) as a reaction they would not only be told exactly what I thought of them but they would be very unlikely to be invited back. Not least because they would clearly not be the sort of people I would want around me anyway.

You are definitely not being unreasonable and your MiL should have raised her child better to respect other living creatures and their boundaries.

[Lweji]

your MiL should have raised her child better to respect other living creatures and their boundaries.

He's an adult. Her fault is in excusing him now. But she's not responsible for his actions.

[VQ1970]

Not a Ragdoll but Kenny has had such an exhausting Christmas!

[mbosnz]

He ought to come and try this with our very pointy siamese. She's very polite, but if someone gets over familiar, they're going to need dettol and plasters. We make this very clear - even the four year old visitor knows this and respects it. It's strange that a grown man can't grok it. Seems to have dominance issues. Maybe he should be neutered.

[alwayscrashinginthesamecar1]

This is Fluffy. He adores deep tissue double handed belly rubs, but you can only pick him up if you are one of the Chosen Ones, and then you have to cradle him like a baby while he pats your face. He is very sweet, I often wake up with his paw in my hand.

[T0tallyFuckedUpFamily]

It’s a good job fluffy is neutered, in that hussy pose. 😁

[Ishotmrburns]

Your BIL sounds like a dickhead. If anything, this is an excellent excuse not to have him in the house. I'm on Team Cat.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I agree that you could just put the cat in another room when your BiL visits, but I wouldn’t have an adult in my house who wouldn’t follow a reasonable request I made like “don’t pick the cat up”. That contempt for me is just not something I would be prepared to tolerate in my home.

[Dogno1]

It's a cat not a dog! Obviously he'd still be a wanker to try and hit a dog, but he's obviously just stupid if he tries to hit a cat. My Dd has 3 cats and the 'huffy/can't abide anyone!', has chosen me as the 'favoured person', she'll quite happily ambush me on the stairs, claw her way up my leg, and launch herself at my face to then plop on my lap and dig her claws in (she does this with no one else! - I feel very honoured! 😁).