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To stop my BIL coming over because of our cat

162 replies

Overwhelmedoverfit · 29/12/2019 08:09

So my BIL has been coming round quite frequently to see us. We have an indoor 7 month ragdoll, who is very sweet and loving but does know his own mind. He doesn't mind being picked up but will give a light nip when he wants down, doesn't hurt and usually he licks as well to show he means no harm.

My BIL has twice now picked up the cat, not put him down when the cat 'asks' and tried to punish the cat when he bit him harder and tried to scratch. At this point BIL was holding the cat and rubbing his tummy, something I don't think any cat likes, but Po didn't cause any bleeding or even marks, which I think is quite restrained!

BIL punishment is to blow in the cats face and try and hit him. I say try because I've never let him get that far, and I've let him know how disappointed we are that he considers that acceptable!

BIL doesn't listen to a word I say, says he's doing what's best for the cat cause if you let them bite they won't stop and he knows dogs and he's read about this breed. He's never owned a dog but his wife used to walk them, and they both seem under the impression that with enough punishment they can get our cat to do whatever a dog would. Which is complete BS!

I've now said he can't pick up the cat at all and when he didn't stop I suggested he doesn't come over until he can control himself. My MIL has now had a massive go at me for putting a cat above family.

AIBU? We try not to use punishment with Po cause it doesn't work and he just gets sad, and him showing he wants down and getting annoyed when he's not put down isn't anything to punish in my mind? Also my BIL is 30 so should definitely know better!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

koshkat · 29/12/2019 11:04

Also - you cut his claws every week? Sounds excessive to me. Mine lives indoors and has a massive scratching tree which wears down his claws nicely.

mummyway · 29/12/2019 11:18

Your bil is a moron and can't be trusted around your cat

CakeandCustard28 · 29/12/2019 11:27

He needs the cat alone. YABNU!

MsMellivora · 29/12/2019 11:40

If anyone hit my cat they would be banned from my house, I wouldn’t care about the fall out. My cat has bitten once, when SIL insisted on picking her up. My cat loves cuddles but likes to get to know someone first. I warned her and she wouldn’t listen, it served her right.

LolaDarkdestroyer · 29/12/2019 11:44

No he wouldn't be welcome in my house if he hurt my pet....the nipping thong is strange from a rag doll though.

messolini9 · 29/12/2019 11:50

Of course you should not ban BiL from your home. Welcome him back, install him in the comfiest armchair, then approach him from behind & put him in a headlock.
When he objects & requests to be let go, hit him. If he finds that unreasonable, explain that your spouse used to walk chimps, which means that although you have never owned a chimp you know everything about human behaviour & that with enough punishment, BiL will soon submit to being put in a headlock.

BloodyCats · 29/12/2019 11:53

Very rude of you to post about your cat and not include a photo op.
I will try and balance the thread with one of mine.

To stop my BIL coming over because of our cat
FoxFriend · 29/12/2019 11:55

I have raggies too, and someone who hit my cat would never be allowed back in my house. You are in no way being unreasonable by protecting your cat from your BIL.

BloodyCats · 29/12/2019 11:57

These 2 like to keep clean Grin

Yanbu about your BIL though. If he can’t behave around your cat then he can’t come round.

To stop my BIL coming over because of our cat
TigerOnATrain · 29/12/2019 11:58


Your BIL sounds like a massive immature wanker.

Absolutely damn right I would put my cat before him.


LittleLongDog · 29/12/2019 12:02

I don’t get why people think they need to pick cats up all the time anyway?

It will come to you for a cuddle and a love when it wants it. No need to force the poor thing to smoosh against you when it’s going about it’s own business.

SunshineAngel · 29/12/2019 12:04

I love cuddling my cat, so whenever I come in, I pick her up when she's purring at my feet.

Sometimes she's in the mood for this, and stays purring in my arms for a long time (while licking my face - I sometimes wonder if she's actually a dog!) and sometimes she makes it clear she wants to be put straight back down .. so I do.

ALL cats know their own minds. They're the boss. And you have to respect that.

If he can't, he can sod off.

madcatladyforever · 29/12/2019 12:05

Your bil is a complete moron. If he tried that one with my feral cat he'd end up in A@E. Do you want to borrow her?

Butterymuffin · 29/12/2019 12:16

I'd be slapping his hand away the moment he reached for the cat. Be firmer with your MIL. When she tells you he knows what he's doing say 'No he doesn't, and it's very rude to keep coming to our house and insisting on doing something we've asked him not to'.

Branleuse · 29/12/2019 12:23

He will ruin your cats temperament.

If he came round, id tell him before he stepped foot in the door, that he was not to pick up or touch the cat at all

Jinglebellissimo · 29/12/2019 12:24

I would suggest getting a very heavy duty scratching post - quite a large one...

Then “tapping” bil’s nose hard with it anytime he comes near the cat.

kittlesticks · 29/12/2019 12:31

@BloodyCats omg your cats! They are identical to our boy, he is 8, such a gorgeous colour rag doll. Can't imagine having two tho... he's quite demanding!

mrscatmad31 · 29/12/2019 12:32

What a twat! Cats and dogs are very different but you shouldn't 'punish' any animal, that's not the way they learn! I wouldn't have him anywhere near my house again if I were you!

OutingMyself · 29/12/2019 12:56

This is my ragdoll cross. If anyone touches his stomach he gives them the 'death cuddle' instantly. It's not something I feel the need to train him out of, just don't touch it!

To stop my BIL coming over because of our cat
Daenerys77 · 29/12/2019 12:58

Being 'family' is no excuse for bad behaviour or cruelty. I would not have such a person in my home and if his mother did not like it, she would be welcome to stay away too. Why is he always trailing round after his mother anyway-does he not have any friends of his own age?

IncyWincyGrownUp · 29/12/2019 13:05

I came here for pictures, I am not disappointed!

(OP, your BIL sounds like a knob, make sure to rub his nose in the mess next time he pees on the carpet.)

Wereallsquare · 29/12/2019 13:06

How would you react if he tried that shit with your child? He would not be allowed back in your home, would he?

He is a disgusting ass and if he is doing that in your presence, imagine what he would do to your poor cat in your absence! I would never allow him to be anywhere near my cat.

WTF0ver · 29/12/2019 13:37

I know someone who got rid of their gorgeous little dog after the BIL (what is it with BILs?!) wouldn't stop tormenting him and the dog bit him on the ankle. Such a shame.

MirkwoodMiss · 29/12/2019 13:42

It's not really even about the cat! You've asked BIL to not do something in your home and he has ignored you. He's a dick with no respect- obviously doesn't think rules apply to him.

Freesunglasses · 29/12/2019 13:47

He'd be banned from my house! Our cat is the same we've had her 10 years and while she loves being stroked she will bite or scratch you when she's had enough, which I think is fair enough.

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