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To stop my BIL coming over because of our cat

162 replies

Overwhelmedoverfit · 29/12/2019 08:09

So my BIL has been coming round quite frequently to see us. We have an indoor 7 month ragdoll, who is very sweet and loving but does know his own mind. He doesn't mind being picked up but will give a light nip when he wants down, doesn't hurt and usually he licks as well to show he means no harm.

My BIL has twice now picked up the cat, not put him down when the cat 'asks' and tried to punish the cat when he bit him harder and tried to scratch. At this point BIL was holding the cat and rubbing his tummy, something I don't think any cat likes, but Po didn't cause any bleeding or even marks, which I think is quite restrained!

BIL punishment is to blow in the cats face and try and hit him. I say try because I've never let him get that far, and I've let him know how disappointed we are that he considers that acceptable!

BIL doesn't listen to a word I say, says he's doing what's best for the cat cause if you let them bite they won't stop and he knows dogs and he's read about this breed. He's never owned a dog but his wife used to walk them, and they both seem under the impression that with enough punishment they can get our cat to do whatever a dog would. Which is complete BS!

I've now said he can't pick up the cat at all and when he didn't stop I suggested he doesn't come over until he can control himself. My MIL has now had a massive go at me for putting a cat above family.

AIBU? We try not to use punishment with Po cause it doesn't work and he just gets sad, and him showing he wants down and getting annoyed when he's not put down isn't anything to punish in my mind? Also my BIL is 30 so should definitely know better!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

886 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
ALbigbump · 29/12/2019 08:12

He needs to just leave the cat alone!

Genzeee · 29/12/2019 08:13

If a dog did this, there’d be people saying it needed to be put down. I don’t see why it’s so acceptable from a cat.

MirriMazDuur · 29/12/2019 08:15

Genzeee are you being fucking serious? What a stupid thing to say. A dog should be put down if someone picks it up and distresses it to the point it bites them?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/12/2019 08:16

Your brother in law is a twat.

No-one is allowed to disrespect animals in my house.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 29/12/2019 08:16

@Genzeee you are aware that dogs can kill humans and cats can’t, right?

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2019 08:17

How old is he? 12?

slipperywhensparticus · 29/12/2019 08:17

He would be stopped from coming round doing that to my cat he would be exiting my house on my foot

To discourage cats from biting I used noise they soon stopped and I only got a nip when I hurt him accidentally

Overwhelmedoverfit · 29/12/2019 08:18

I don't even see why a dog would be put down? Cat leaves no marks it's literally a nip and then trying to scratch when not put down? Never seen a mark left by him at all? Thanks everyone else for your responses :)

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 29/12/2019 08:19

I’d agree; don’t let him come to the house if he does that. My pil are like that with the cat and I notice similar behaviour with our DC in that they don’t pay any attention to their cues that they don’t want them to do something then act hurt when DC push them away etc.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/12/2019 08:19

If a dog did this, there’d be people saying it needed to be put down. I don’t see why it’s so acceptable from a cat.

Don't be ridiculous. The cat hasn't harmed her twatty brother in law, it's just tried to tell him that it's unhappy.

Twatty brother in law has tried to hit the cat. He can fuck off.

Apolloanddaphne · 29/12/2019 08:19

Puppies nip too but punishment isn't the way to go for them or for cats either I imagine.

Wolfiefan · 29/12/2019 08:20

He’s being cruel. And not listening to you in your own house. Why would you invite him back??

Frenchw1fe · 29/12/2019 08:20

I'd pick the cat over an arsehole bil any day.
How you haven't smacked your bil I don't know. Its the cats home not his and tell mil shes raised a twat.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 29/12/2019 08:22

He wouldn’t be coming near me or my animals.

Practically every cat I’ve known has gone into a weird biting/scratching frenzy when it’s had enough attention. Shrug.

Overwhelmedoverfit · 29/12/2019 08:22

Yeah I think hes being a massive twat. Unfortunately we don't invite him, he'll often turn up with MIL for a "pop-in" which is why I've been trying to tell her he's not welcome and getting told off for it! If he came in his own we'd just shut the door in him, but my husband feels oo bad about doing that to his mum

OP posts:
LigPatin · 29/12/2019 08:23

Bet you're glad you married into that family, OP

Booboostwo · 29/12/2019 08:24

Is BIL a child? And a very young one at that? Nothing else justifies his behavior.

Overwhelmedoverfit · 29/12/2019 08:25

Lol ligpatin, the rest are ok tbf, just the oldest brother thinks he knows all and mother is protecting him cause he can do no wrong 🙄 when I married husband this BIL lived 5 hours away, unfortunately hes moved closer :-|

OP posts:
LL83 · 29/12/2019 08:27

Yanbu. Poor cat. You have tried telling BIL, then stopping him picking up the cat and he wont stop.

Reassure mil she is still welcome and/or you will visit her instead.

LikeSilentRaindrops · 29/12/2019 08:29

I’d absolutely put the cat first - when my 5yo has tried to overly pet our cat and has been nipped for her trouble, she has been able to recognise that she ignored the signs and that it wasn’t the cat’s fault. If she can get it, a 30yo man can - and if he can’t, he doesn’t get to come to the house.

Overwhelmedoverfit · 29/12/2019 08:34

Thanks everyone for your replies :-) we've tried to tell mil that bill is a test and wrong about how he feels a cat should be treated and she just says he's trying to help and he won't do it next time...
I'm sure it doesn't help that the cat absolutely loves people and will run to jump on anyone's lap who sits down for even a second, so they're like it's fine he doesn't care! Like I care! I've said stop that's should be enough!

OP posts:
ohprettybaby · 29/12/2019 08:34

Tell MIL your cat is part of your family and BIL is not welcome unless he agrees not to pick up your cat. She doesn't to have to like your rules but it's your home and your rules.

queenMab99 · 29/12/2019 08:34

Could you get a large crate to put him in when he comes to visit? Then he could still enjoy the visit but not be able to upset the cat.Grin

FrancisCrawford · 29/12/2019 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MitziK · 29/12/2019 08:37
  1. I wouldn't put up with a cat that bites and scratches myself and all mine are handled all over daily, it's important to get them accustomed to having their tummy and paws touched in case of injury (and my DTwatCats both love their tummies being rubbed as a result) - BUT

2. It's not your BIL's cat. It's yours.

3. You don't fucking hit a cat. Anybody's.

  • so he can fuck right off.
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