AIBU?
To stop my BIL coming over because of our cat
Overwhelmedoverfit · 29/12/2019 08:09
So my BIL has been coming round quite frequently to see us. We have an indoor 7 month ragdoll, who is very sweet and loving but does know his own mind. He doesn't mind being picked up but will give a light nip when he wants down, doesn't hurt and usually he licks as well to show he means no harm.
My BIL has twice now picked up the cat, not put him down when the cat 'asks' and tried to punish the cat when he bit him harder and tried to scratch. At this point BIL was holding the cat and rubbing his tummy, something I don't think any cat likes, but Po didn't cause any bleeding or even marks, which I think is quite restrained!
BIL punishment is to blow in the cats face and try and hit him. I say try because I've never let him get that far, and I've let him know how disappointed we are that he considers that acceptable!
BIL doesn't listen to a word I say, says he's doing what's best for the cat cause if you let them bite they won't stop and he knows dogs and he's read about this breed. He's never owned a dog but his wife used to walk them, and they both seem under the impression that with enough punishment they can get our cat to do whatever a dog would. Which is complete BS!
I've now said he can't pick up the cat at all and when he didn't stop I suggested he doesn't come over until he can control himself. My MIL has now had a massive go at me for putting a cat above family.
AIBU? We try not to use punishment with Po cause it doesn't work and he just gets sad, and him showing he wants down and getting annoyed when he's not put down isn't anything to punish in my mind? Also my BIL is 30 so should definitely know better!
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
user1493413286 · 29/12/2019 08:19
I’d agree; don’t let him come to the house if he does that. My pil are like that with the cat and I notice similar behaviour with our DC in that they don’t pay any attention to their cues that they don’t want them to do something then act hurt when DC push them away etc.
DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/12/2019 08:19
If a dog did this, there’d be people saying it needed to be put down. I don’t see why it’s so acceptable from a cat.
Don't be ridiculous. The cat hasn't harmed her twatty brother in law, it's just tried to tell him that it's unhappy.
Twatty brother in law has tried to hit the cat. He can fuck off.
Overwhelmedoverfit · 29/12/2019 08:22
Yeah I think hes being a massive twat. Unfortunately we don't invite him, he'll often turn up with MIL for a "pop-in" which is why I've been trying to tell her he's not welcome and getting told off for it! If he came in his own we'd just shut the door in him, but my husband feels oo bad about doing that to his mum
LikeSilentRaindrops · 29/12/2019 08:29
I’d absolutely put the cat first - when my 5yo has tried to overly pet our cat and has been nipped for her trouble, she has been able to recognise that she ignored the signs and that it wasn’t the cat’s fault. If she can get it, a 30yo man can - and if he can’t, he doesn’t get to come to the house.
Overwhelmedoverfit · 29/12/2019 08:34
Thanks everyone for your replies :-) we've tried to tell mil that bill is a test and wrong about how he feels a cat should be treated and she just says he's trying to help and he won't do it next time...
I'm sure it doesn't help that the cat absolutely loves people and will run to jump on anyone's lap who sits down for even a second, so they're like it's fine he doesn't care! Like I care! I've said stop that's should be enough!
FrancisCrawford · 29/12/2019 08:35
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
MitziK · 29/12/2019 08:37
- I wouldn't put up with a cat that bites and scratches myself and all mine are handled all over daily, it's important to get them accustomed to having their tummy and paws touched in case of injury (and my DTwatCats both love their tummies being rubbed as a result) - BUT
2. It's not your BIL's cat. It's yours.
3. You don't fucking hit a cat. Anybody's.
- so he can fuck right off.
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