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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU husband and sex

113 replies

lightsout · 28/12/2019 12:43

hi it’s my first post but here we go... last night husband said he wanted sex (great I like sex!) told him I’d be up in a minute... but I lost track of time and half an hour later he was banging and shouting from upstairs (very out of character) and said to just leave it he was going to bed really grumpy... acting very normal this morning like nothing had happened last night... I know he won’t apologise but I don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong apart from not following him immediately upstairs.
I don’t even want to talk to him today just ugh...

AIBU to feel upset at how he reacted last night? Should I just let it slide?

OP posts:

Redruby25 · 28/12/2019 17:01

@Umberta Absolutely! I have said the same myself, some say if you won't do it though, then that person has to have the right to find someone else to do it with, fair enough, that would depend on the rest of the relationship and whether those two people stay in a sexless relationship.

Lizzie0869 · 28/12/2019 17:01

No, it's not the case that the OP has shown herself to prefer loading the dishwasher to sex. She just wanted to clear up first so she could switch off and enjoy a lingering shag with her DH. A lot of us are like that.

EKGEMS · 28/12/2019 17:35

So why the hell didn't he help you finish the tasks you were doing to speed things up instead of sitting upstairs like King Tut?!!!

BlokeNumber9 · 28/12/2019 17:47

You found the boring household bits (your words) more interesting than him and he was upset. Why are you surprised? I'd be the same.

GreytExpectations · 28/12/2019 18:10

Oh my god, mumsnet would you just stop with your constant man blaming??

Firstly, there was no "demanding" of sex, OP made it clear they both wanted it. I know it's hard for you mumsnetters to believe - - because you are all prudes-- but many of us women enjoy sex with our partners. Secondly, if OP changed her mind then yes, nothing is wrong with that but what is wrong is leaving your partner up there waiting and expecting. At least be a decent person and shout up saying you aren't in the mood any more. I'm guessing this kind of thing happens a lot which may be why he acted the way he did.

GreytExpectations · 28/12/2019 18:13

So why the hell didn't he help you finish the tasks you were doing to speed things up instead of sitting upstairs like King Tut?!!!

Why the hell do you assume he hasn't done anything all day? My husband and I split the chores between us and do them at whatever time during the day suits us. He probably didn't realise she would stay down for that much longer after they both agreed to go up. She forgot about him, pretty thoughtless of OP and if this was a reverse and OP was complaining her DH left her waiting there would be "LTB's" every other post!

Teenagemaw · 28/12/2019 18:23

Haven’t RTFT but I think he could have helped you with the clearing up stuff downstairs first and you would’ve been upstairs in half the time

plugsockets · 28/12/2019 18:30

I don't think your dh reaction is ok at all butttttt
My dh is a massive faffer. Are you one of these? Literally everything he feels should be done right now at the expense of someone else's feelings/time/expectations will just have to be done. Except hardly anything has to be done right there and then. It can wait.
I would talk it out with your dh and see what went wrong. I personally wouldn't apologise but say what's the tantrum about and give him space to explain why he's lost it.
I lose it sometimes with my dh not because of one occasion but because the build up of so many occasions he's put himself and his faffing first and in your dh shoes id be so so hurt to think I'm sat there waiting and you've decided cleaning is more important. Keep carrying on with the mantra of 'young family gets in the way' and if ripples into much greater problems within a marriage.
Next time you feel the need to clean/faff when you've kept your dh waiting without letting him know id think if you really do need to do the task instead of just carrying out what you originally said you would.

user1471449295 · 28/12/2019 18:33

His reaction wasn’t on. However I would be hurt if I was him

Marriedtoapenguin · 28/12/2019 18:36

I can only imagine the responses if the tables were turned.

Jenpop234 · 28/12/2019 18:39

I would have been pissed off if OH left me waiting for half an hour on my own while I was wanting sex. Just apologise, it clearly bothered him.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 28/12/2019 18:55

I can only imagine the responses if the tables were turned.

You mean if the wife asked for sex, went up to bed, leaving her husband to finish the domestic tasks then threw such a temper tantrum that she woke the baby?

Yeah, I can just imagine that she would have been given a verbal lashing for waking the baby because she was horny, frustrated and angry. Women would not get a byball for putting their needs before the happiness of their child. I assume that’s what you were getting at?

TheWorldAsh · 28/12/2019 18:56

Right, putting the man bashing to one side - do we know he doesn't help? The OP chose to do those chores - I can see why the DH was annoyed. Did he handle it well? No not really.

I mean I'd feel really rejected if housework was chosen over mutually agreed intimate time. Contrary to what some believe men can't just 'get in the mood' on demand.

So yeah he reacted like an idiot but I can see why he was upset.

Oh and finally; different couples arrange intimacy in different ways. It's not all Mills and Boon spontaneous bonking, you know?

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