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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU husband and sex

113 replies

lightsout · 28/12/2019 12:43

hi it’s my first post but here we go... last night husband said he wanted sex (great I like sex!) told him I’d be up in a minute... but I lost track of time and half an hour later he was banging and shouting from upstairs (very out of character) and said to just leave it he was going to bed really grumpy... acting very normal this morning like nothing had happened last night... I know he won’t apologise but I don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong apart from not following him immediately upstairs.
I don’t even want to talk to him today just ugh...

AIBU to feel upset at how he reacted last night? Should I just let it slide?

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 28/12/2019 13:51

Do couples really organise it in this fashion:

DH: I'm going upstairs... fancy coming up for a shag?
DW: Yes... I shall be up very shortly...

BetterthanIthink · 28/12/2019 13:52

* . Can't imagine what jobs are more fun than sex.*

^
Exactly this

Original poster
lightsout · 28/12/2019 13:52

sometimes 😎

OP posts:
ferrier · 28/12/2019 13:52

He didn't come back down as he didn't want a possible rejection.
I'd not make a big deal about it. Think of it as a one off. Show him you do want him.
If he's a mardy grump again, then I would be having words.

Original poster
lightsout · 28/12/2019 13:52

Anyway I can see it’s divided opinion... thanks for your input folks x

OP posts:
BatShite · 28/12/2019 13:54

Theres not much thats more unsexy than sulking about sex. Quite glad DH is not really that bothered, as I have a medical condition which makes sex be..off the table for some periods of time..could not be done with large amounts of pain plus husband sat staring at me to go upstairs, or sulking. YANBU

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2019 13:54

I'm with your husband too!

Really, you’re “with” someone who bangs and shouts and wakes a baby because his wife got sidetracked from instantly jumping on his dick?

OP, I must confess to being a bit perplexed at how someone who is admittedly up for imminent sex can manage to get waylaid by household chores for half an hour but that’s by the by.

If he was that concerned he could have come downstairs to see what was keeping you.

Fishcakey · 28/12/2019 13:55

I don't think this is even worth a post on here to be honest. He was pissed off and had a grump. People have grumps. It's not red flag worthy or leave the bastard worthy or he thinks you're a prostitute worthy. He was a twat for ten minutes. Get over it.

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2019 13:55

Can't imagine what jobs are more fun than sex

Lego

joystir59 · 28/12/2019 13:57

Anyone else really like 'ahoiting' and thought it a genuinely intended word?

RLOU30 · 28/12/2019 13:58

I’ve changed my vote thingy twice now I’m so on the border I think you both had aspects of BU there should be an “I dunno” button Grin

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 28/12/2019 14:01

To those that are making excuses for king dick, do you think his hurty feelings are more important than his child’s sleep?

Totally over the top I felt especially as he woke the baby with his noise.

returnofthecat · 28/12/2019 14:03

Well, you agreed you both wanted to have sex and then you effectively were so turned on you forgot all about it. I think his reaction was immature, but I can understand why he felt so hurt. I mean, he's so sexy that you got distracted by household chores.

He didn't demand sex, he asked, you agreed, and then you promptly forgot him. I'm not saying you should do anything you're uncomfortable with or offer sex on a tap, but next time he asks, you should decline if you're not immediately feeling it, rather than getting his hopes up and dashing them. If you both agree to have sex, have sex. If one or you isn't in the mood (or is too busy!) say no gently and move on.

Whiskers14 · 28/12/2019 14:09

He massively overreacted, but I'd have felt rejected to be added to a list of chores you suddenly decided was more important:

  1. Take rubbish out
  2. Load dishwasher
  3. De-flea cat
  4. Go upstairs and have sex
It must have felt to him like you really couldn't be arsed.
letsdolunch321 · 28/12/2019 14:11

Why didn't he come downstairs and woo you on the sofa 🤣🤣🤣

Throwawayteachere · 28/12/2019 14:19

I'd be annoyed if I was waiting upstairs for 30 mins for sex and husband forgot about me!

Vanhi · 28/12/2019 14:20

just had to finish up a few boring household bits downstairs and come up but lost track of time but I can see how maybe he felt rejected

Well yes. And I don't get where all this 'King Dick made demands' stuff comes from. He asked, you said yes, 'in a minute' and then prioritised household chores and forgot him. Does he have a habit of demanding sex and not doing any housework at all? If so that does put a different perspective on things. Otherwise it sounds as if you said 'great, yes, sex, in a minute' and then decided washing up floated your boat more.

OK he was an arse but honestly, if everything else is going fine I really wouldn't worry about this. He's not allowed to demand sex - he is allowed to be upset that the prospect of sex with him is apparently so exciting you'd rather do the dusting or something.

GrannyBags · 28/12/2019 14:27

Do you always plan sex beforehand? Seems a bit odd. How would he have reacted if you had said no?

jillg66 · 28/12/2019 14:29

It wasn't even that you kept him waiting just 30 mins because you were still downstairs then. 30 mins is when he kicked off.

What's more important to you when there's that much wanted quiet time for couples - cleaning or time with your husband?

Yabvu

Mammyloveswine · 28/12/2019 14:30

Ffs just have sex when you both want it!! How ridiculous of him to throw a strop but also how ridiculous of you to delay!

BacktoMA · 28/12/2019 14:33

YABU here I think, although banging is OTT obviously! How would you feel the other way around?

siring1 · 28/12/2019 14:33

You'd rather do boring household jobs than have sex with your husband. That might be the problem.

OlaEliza · 28/12/2019 14:52

The huns and apologists are out in force on this thread 🙄

foodandwine89 · 28/12/2019 14:54

He sounds like a bit of an arsehole but so do you. You made him think you were up for sex and would be up in a minute. But you then got distracted by chores and just left him there...your relationship sounds horrendous. Think you two need some kind of counselling.

You're either up for it or you're not. You have the right to not feel like having sex. He's allowed to be hurt and annoyed when you make it seem like you do, let him go to the bedroom to wait for you and then you go and do chores...

Umberta · 28/12/2019 15:01

I think the OP is not being unreasonable at all. It's possible to say yes at first, but then not really feel like it when you realise how much housework you have to do (it can feel overwhelming). If he wants it, he shouldn't just bark his wish and huff upstairs. Call me old fashioned but how about eg a hug, a kiss, being persuasive? He can sulk all he likes about you not finding him alluring but tbh he doesn't sound very alluring. I'd be absolutely horrified and even feel a bit threatened if my DH did that. I don't like any aggressiveness when it comes to sex

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