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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU husband and sex

113 replies

lightsout · 28/12/2019 12:43

hi it’s my first post but here we go... last night husband said he wanted sex (great I like sex!) told him I’d be up in a minute... but I lost track of time and half an hour later he was banging and shouting from upstairs (very out of character) and said to just leave it he was going to bed really grumpy... acting very normal this morning like nothing had happened last night... I know he won’t apologise but I don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong apart from not following him immediately upstairs.
I don’t even want to talk to him today just ugh...

AIBU to feel upset at how he reacted last night? Should I just let it slide?

OP posts:
T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 28/12/2019 13:17

Please tell me you didn’t have sex with him after this! I can understand him wondering what was keeping you and feeling a bit hurt, but he could have came down to see what you were doing and given you a hand to finish up, then if the two of you were in the mood, had sex. The banging on the floor and shouting would have ensured that he wouldn’t have got near my body. It’s not the 50s, he doesn’t get to demand that you have sex when it suits him and throw a temper tantrum when you don’t turn up on time.

sugarplumtum · 28/12/2019 13:17

OMG most people would go and ask how long are you going to be or do you need me to help.

You DP knows you right and knows that before you jump in bed or go to bed you finish chores etc. So his behaviour is ridiculous and he knows you did do it on purpose but his response was to upset you and behave like a child.

Dipsydoodle · 28/12/2019 13:17

🤷‍♀️ I'd have just called down to see what you were doing or gone 'Oi, get up here!'. I don't know why some people are so quick to anger or assume the worst of their partners. Just communicate? Mountain out of a molehill!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 28/12/2019 13:18

You made him wait to finish chores which meant he then lost the urge .
If you wanted to have sex then why didn’t you just go up with him and do that afterwards .
I don’t think he was unfair ,just annoyed the moment had past and couldn’t be bothered anymore

"Yes, dear! Here I am at your beck and call... now you've cum I'll just skip downstairs and do the wife-work shall I?"

Or maybe he could have helped with the necessary chores (including realising they needed to be done in the first place) and they would have taken half the time and then he could have got his wick wet with no drama?

MyMajesty · 28/12/2019 13:18

I'm imagining scenario where you were already doing the household stuff & planning on finishing it.
Then DH made his comment and went upstairs.
Why would you immediately drop everything to go on up?

He's a jerk to react as he did, in any case.

Clevererthanyou · 28/12/2019 13:20

He over reacted by miles. He had a boner not an urgent need for an organ transplant. You lost track of time once and he has a tantrum? Confused how romantic.

Dipsydoodle · 28/12/2019 13:20

Does his erection have an expiry date? Does it turn into a pumpkin after midnight?

NorthernLightsInWinter · 28/12/2019 13:23

You know what? There were things to be done before grown ups went to bed in your house last night. He left you to do them while he waited for sex ... think on that ... nothing stopping him from helping everything get finished up so you could both go upstairs for the night. But instead he chose to let you get on with it and then woke the baby with his strop. Arse behaviour.

And he's kept you waiting ... doubt he'd be happy ifyou reacted that way, too.

thebear1 · 28/12/2019 13:24

I would feel upset if I instigated sex and my partner agreed but then didn't come up stairs for 30 minutes. I would feel very rejected and would have the huff.

JoeysTurkey · 28/12/2019 13:25

If he didn't want to wait, he could've (and should've) helped with whatever needed doing (in his own home) and gone upstairs together.

The tantrum makes him sound even worse. He could've just come downstairs and asked how long she was going to be.

When my husband gets home I'll chuck some stuff around and shout because we aren't having sex and see how well his thread goes down on MN Hmm

OlaEliza · 28/12/2019 13:27

I’d be really hurt in your husband’s shoes and would definitely have given up well before 30 minutes and gone to bed. Way to demonstrate how resistible you find him!

So man demands sex and the woman must drop everything to go running at his beck and call??? What if she wasn't horny at that precise moment?

Original poster
lightsout · 28/12/2019 13:29

“ So man demands sex and the woman must drop everything to go running at his beck and call???“

@OlaEliza and then apparently go back downstairs to finish up the jobs 🙄

OP posts:
Dipsydoodle · 28/12/2019 13:30

Adult way to behave: 'You ok down there? Need a hand with anything?' Or 'Get up here, we'll do all that in the morning!'

Childish way to behave: have a tantrum, wake your baby up (and presumably have fuck all to do with settling them again)

This has really annoyed me! Would people really sit and stew for 30 mins and then go off on one v just seeing what their partner was doing and possibly giving them a hand?! Christ alive. Talk to each other!!!

over50andfab · 28/12/2019 13:32

I’d have been pissed off at the time but probably over it the next day, much like your husband 🤷‍♀️. Would I have shouted? Well I might have said something to show hurt my feelings.. I’m amazed he didn’t wake all 3 kids if he was banging and shouting.

Dipsydoodle · 28/12/2019 13:32

Also 'instigating sex' isn't just saying 'let's have sex'. If she'd bogged off to do the housework halfway through foreplay then that would be a bit weird, but someone saying 'let's have sex tonight' isn't instigating anything! It's not some sort of command that must be obeyed.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2019 13:33

Wait, who demanded sex? That's completely different to a couple who have both agreed they want to have sex?

mummyway · 28/12/2019 13:35

Why didn't he give you a hand and that would have made the chores finish quicker.....

Redruby25 · 28/12/2019 13:36

The bit that stood out to me was 'husband said he wanted said' and you said you'd be up in a minute, who is he? King of the world?! I get it that for anything to happen someone has to initiate somehow, but if he said it and you replied in the way I read it, that doesn't feel comfortable to me, then his bashing around upset obviously when you didn't go up there, but he could have called down to see if you was okay, if it was something you did all the time then fair enough, but if you sad you would be up in a minute then wasn't, then he should have known you obviously got side tracked or something happened.

OlaEliza · 28/12/2019 13:37

Wait, who demanded sex?

The DH did. He said let's have sex and immediately walked upstairs. Irregardless of what op was doing. He threw a strop at having to wait while the end of night chores were done. That's 'demanding' in my book.

My dh wouldn't be seeing any for some time if he treated me like that.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2019 13:42

last night husband said he wanted sex (great I like sex!) told him I’d be up in a minute

That's not a demand. It's two adults agreeing they'd like to have sex with each other.

Princessfaffalot · 28/12/2019 13:42

It depends on what the jobs were? Loading the dishwasher, soaking tins, folding washing is all stuff that can wait. If it were me and my DH we’d leave the jobs until after then do them together!

Scarlettpixie · 28/12/2019 13:43

I think YABU in this case. He said he would like sex and you said you would be up in a minute which implied you were up for it too. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you feel rejected to be left hanging for 30 mins, maybe longer. You could have said, I will be up when I have finished X or give me a hand with X and it will get done quicker but you didn't. You apologised last night, he has let it go this morning. You should too.

MabelMoo23 · 28/12/2019 13:45

I've been the rejected one, and whilst yes, his reaction was OTT and childish. You feel a bit shit when you get rejected

Disfordarkchocolate · 28/12/2019 13:47

I get very annoyed when my husband says he's coming to bed then doesn't, I feel very rejected. Can't imagine what jobs are more fun than sex.

rwalker · 28/12/2019 13:50

It's just plain rude to say in a minute then keep someone waiting for 30 mins for sex or anything .