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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get the impression he's expecting me to offer ?

86 replies

Werkwerkwerkwerk · 28/12/2019 06:40

DSS has been away for Xmas. We are celebrating Xmas with him on Monday. We share gift buying pretty evenly between DH and I. But I have a closer/larger family so more to buy for, so DSS's gifts get bought by him.
DH hasn't started shopping for DSS yet. We have plans today and tomorrow. I think he's basically got himself stuck and won't admit it he hasn't planned well. 'I've cocked up and have no time to buy gifts can you help'. I can see it a mile off - however I get the impression he is looking for me to volunteer a solution rather than thinking of one himself ...... when I have asked him what he is thinking of for DSS he's says oh I'll worry about that later. Is it just me or is this unreasonable?!

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 28/12/2019 06:46

It your circus, not your monkeys...
He needs to sort it. Why are you getting annoyed??

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 28/12/2019 06:52

It is unreasonable. However, if he is an otherwise good husband who does his fair share of everything, I would bring it up and offer to help if necessary. Relationships are a partnership and involve a lot of give and take. If you want to make a point then you are also perfectly entitled to leave him to it and he can deal with the fall out.

My DH is like this and will end up getting nothing often if I don’t step in... I discovered this the first year when I didn’t get involved. He has many other good qualities (including always dealing with the children’s night wakings) so I don’t mind. He genuinely struggles to think of gifts and I consider us to be a team.

Original poster
Werkwerkwerkwerk · 28/12/2019 06:59

I have been saying for ages to buy him an Xbox (he has one at his mum's) he has a PS at ours. Sometimes I think he stays at his mums rather than coming over because he makes plans to play with mates online.
I have also suggested a 'blank cheque for new football boots' which he'll need regardless in jan. but DH does think these are 'special' enough and a cop out .....

OP posts:
PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 28/12/2019 07:05

If he doesn’t like your suggestions then I would definitely just let him get on with it.

pollyputthepastaon · 28/12/2019 07:08

I wouldn’t give it any headspace. Not your problem.

AgentJohnson · 28/12/2019 07:12

He won’t learn if he doesn’t experience the consequences of his laziness. Stop reminding him!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/12/2019 07:20

You've given him 2 ideas, ffs - what more does he want from you (apart from the obvious - you to take over and manage it for him) - just tell him to get on with it before it's too late!

Scarydinosaurs · 28/12/2019 07:31

I wouldn’t waste time getting annoyed at something that might not even happen.

If he wanted your help he would ask for it.

Buying a gift isn’t hard.

Arthritica · 28/12/2019 07:45

Leave him to it.

TreeTopTim · 28/12/2019 07:48

Leave him to it. You have made two suggestions that sound sensible.

toomuchfaster · 28/12/2019 07:54

I'll join in with the 'leave him to it' chorus having seen you've offered him two very good suggestions. I see that as you tried the team work approach and DH rebuffed you. Job done.

Stampy84 · 28/12/2019 07:57

I can’t see how you’d go wrong with an Xbox!

chocatoo · 28/12/2019 08:20

Stop debating and start shopping!

Rottnest · 28/12/2019 08:35

If he really cannot get organised to shop, leave him to it, do not do it for him.
If he really fails to buy a gift, suggest he takes the son shopping on Xday so the son can choose his own present(s).

He can suggest this in a nicely written Xmas card.
Leave him to it, his( in)action his consequences.

Original poster
Werkwerkwerkwerk · 28/12/2019 08:38

Excellent. I am now in the firmly leave it to him camp. Although he is hinting at moving our plans over the weekend to accommodate more shopping time. He currently has one whole morning which he doesn't believe to be enough time .....

OP posts:
notthemum · 28/12/2019 08:40

You've offered suggestions, dp has rejected them. His choice. Step back. No longer your problem.

Original poster
Werkwerkwerkwerk · 28/12/2019 08:40

But the annoying thing is, he is organised bought me lovely gifts even me one from dDog. I'm not sure why this is such a block for him ......

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 28/12/2019 08:41

It's a shame that you don't consider your Stepson close enough family to get properly involved with getting him a Christmas present.

But obviously you don't, so you've made your suggestions and have to leave him to it.

Out of decency, you need to tell him now is the time he'll have to sort it, even if it messes with your plans.

covetingthepreciousthings · 28/12/2019 08:41

It's pretty crap that it's now 3 days post Christmas and his son still doesn't have a present, in my opinion, regardless of whether he's seeing him till Monday or not.

I wouldn't leave it to him, because at the end of the day it's only his son who will suffer.

Ponoka7 · 28/12/2019 08:42

"I'm not sure why this is such a block for him ...."

Perhaps speak to him, rather than just ignore your SS getting nothing for Christmas.

Spied · 28/12/2019 08:45

I personally would go shopping- just because I love buying ( using dp's cash) gifts Xmas Grin.
Seriously, leave him to it. You've done your 'share'. He has the weekend to pull it off. Surely he can nip to to he nearest town and compose his gifts in an hour.
I'd remind him once more though as I'd hate for dss to be disappointed and have to deal with the fallout.

BillHadersNewWife · 28/12/2019 08:47

How old is your step son? If he's young...like, under 17, I'd be more than pushy with DH....he's being SHIT!

Inanothertime · 28/12/2019 08:47

"I'm not sure why this is such a block for him ...."

Because he doesn't really want to spend the money?

longwayoff · 28/12/2019 08:50

Perhaps he plans to ask him what he wants? Leave it alone.

Danni12 · 28/12/2019 08:51

If it was me I'd be worried that your DSS was at risk of not getting any presents which seems pretty awful.... I'd ask him again, when are you going to buy his presents and if he still doesn't I would buy them myself tbh. Children first, always

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