To get the impression he's expecting me to offer ?

[Werkwerkwerkwerk]

DSS has been away for Xmas. We are celebrating Xmas with him on Monday. We share gift buying pretty evenly between DH and I. But I have a closer/larger family so more to buy for, so DSS's gifts get bought by him.
DH hasn't started shopping for DSS yet. We have plans today and tomorrow. I think he's basically got himself stuck and won't admit it he hasn't planned well. 'I've cocked up and have no time to buy gifts can you help'. I can see it a mile off - however I get the impression he is looking for me to volunteer a solution rather than thinking of one himself ...... when I have asked him what he is thinking of for DSS he's says oh I'll worry about that later. Is it just me or is this unreasonable?!

Perhaps he was a shit husband as well as Dad, you can't be surprised surely. He's cocked one marriage/ partnership already. stats say he's more likely to do the same this time round.

Leave him to it. I your shoes I'd be really cross if your plans for today and tomorrow get messed around by this though.

He has a morning available? How long does it take, having made a decision about what to buy, to run into town and buy / collect it?

Is this about time, money, lack of love, lack of imagination, what? Not that you need to waste your time pondering that!

Christmas is the same day every year.
Why do some people still get surprised by it 365 days later...?
Your DH is responsible and needs to but for his son.

OP.

If this lad was your own son and your husband hadn't bought him anything, would you still take the same line?

You are treating your stepson as being outside your family-nothing to do with you, even though you are his step mother but it seems as if that "step" is a pretty important distinction to you.

Treat him the same way that you would want your own child to be treated.

On a slightly different tack, why wouldn't you want to help your husband out? Don't make it into a big feminist issue. You love him and if he has a mental block about something that you can easily do, then why not do it!

Would he do the same for you?

If he would, just do it and if he wouldn't, it sounds like a pretty miserable marriage and heading for the divorce courts or misery.

It's a shame that you don't consider your Stepson close enough family to get properly involved with getting him a Christmas present

So does his own father also not consider him close family then, seeing as he hasn’t sorted something out? It doesn’t take 2 adults to buy one gift, plenty of mothers manage to get all gifts for several kids, I doubt the fathers are being told they don’t care about their kids unless they are buying gifts directly too.

If it was her son she'd have bought the present weeks ago.

The 'block' here is in her husband's head. That's the one place she cannot enter and fix. She's made suggestions. He accepts them or he doesn't.

I agree with pp. You've suggested two options, you've reminded him several times, now it's time to leave your Dh to sort this out.

I think people getting all het up over this don't realise that the child will get a gift. Even if it is 'only' money.

The DH will do exactly what he would do it he was single and didn't have a person with a vagina to organise him. It will be ok.

I think OP doesn't have much trust in her DH though which is more of a worry.

Oh well then, don't step in and if your husband doesn't get him anything, you'll have the warm glow of knowing that he has been taught a lesson.

That's the way to make a happy home.

If you love him, help him.

If he never returns the favour to you and takes the same line that you do, then stop looking for ways to get your own back and get divorced. Much better to that than sit there with a watchful sour attitude.

You are happy to upset your step son rather than help your husband out. What a cat's arse sour lemon expression you must wear.

I've had enough of women blaming other women for not covering for shit that men can't be arsed to do because he knows that if he's shit enough a woman will do it for him.

DSS is old enough to play online xbox games, he's old enough not to be neglected if his dad gets him a shit present or just money.

If you love him, help him.

She's tried to help twice and that's been declined. Shit people say like this is manipulative as hell.

You are happy to upset your step son rather than help your husband out.

Seriously. Get right out of here. She's neither responsible for any upset SS might feel nor for continuing to force help on somebody who has declined two attempts and not asked for help.

@TheLittleBrownFox

It's about married people doing things for each other.

That's love isn't : making life easier for each other.

Except of course, where it's one sided then instead of sucking a lemon and counting up and tit for tat refusals of help, then get divorced.

Otherwise, being married is just bollocks isn't it.

It’s obviously completely your fault if this poor child doesn’t get a gift OP. Do you not understand that once you get into a relationship, you’re expected to do the parenting of high child and husband, though never ever ever so much as try to discipline the child because that’s overstepping boundaries. You’re only there to facilitate the man because his penis actually gets in the way when he’s trying to shop for HIS child, so you by dint of having a vagina should shop for him.

FFS! What the hell is it with so many posters trying to and a woman feel that she’s responsible for her husband/partner being a shit father? Do you all expose to do this for the child’s birthday too? Does he just stop because his brain ceases to function when he’s in a relationship?

So the way to "make a happy home" is to do stuff your DH can easily do himself but just cant be bothered ?
Is it 1950? perhaps she should soothe his brow and warm his slippers?
No the way to a happy home is for her DH to take some responsibility and behave like an adult.
Why are women expected to make up for these useless men and get the blame at the same time?

Why would she have a cats arse sour expression ?
That actually made me laugh !

She is partially responsible because he is her stepson. He is her family member too, isn't he?

Of course, she's reminded her husband, so job done! That's all she needs to do because he is only her stepson. Keep those boundaries in place.

@Quicklittlenamechange

They do things for EACH OTHER. That was my point and I don't think it's era stamped is it?

If only one spouse does it, then fuck off to the divorce court .

I think you know why she would have a cats' arse suck a lemon expression. That's how I envisage her. A step mother who will happily see her step son disappointed but she has her cheerleaders here and I hope that emboldens her.

Might as well give up, paulinespeak, OP wants validation for doing nothing and has got it. I don't care, it's her family, not mine. In mine, we step in and out to help. Works for us.

She can't divorce him pauline because there won't be a vagina in the house to do the shopping next year and the poor dss will get nothing. How could you be so cruel as to suggest such a thing

I think you know why she would have a cats' arse suck a lemon expression. That's how I envisage her. A step mother who will happily see her step son disappointed but she has her cheerleaders here and I hope that emboldens her.

She has asked him what he’s doing, reminded him to buy something, made suggestions and even shown her concern on here, yet you’re trying to paint her as the wicked set mother? That says more about you (and it’s not complementary) than it says about the OP.

I think you know why she would have a cats' arse suck a lemon expression. That's how I envisage her. A step mother who will happily see her step son disappointed but she has her cheerleaders here and I hope that emboldens her

And what would the fathers expression be? How do you imagine him? Is he a terrible father, happy to see his own son disappointed? Somehow I doubt you’re casting him in the same light...

He's a shitty father. I'd say that to his face.

I have no idea why you think she would have a lemon sucking expression other than it suits you to think so pauline
Shes actually concerned he hasnt bought his son anything .
What about the DH?
Does he have an evil neglectful father expression or is it just women stepmothersyou seem to dislike so intensely?

Haha xpost with Angels

What the hell is OP to do?

She’s reminded her H, she’s made gift suggestions but H, whose child this is, has said the suggestions are not special enough.

So what exactly is OP meant to do?

The H has said he’s dealing with it. I wouldn't step in. As clearly OP’s present ideas are not what H wants to gift his child, H clearly has something planned or he’d say.

Why is everyone infantilising and trying to reduce the poor menz. When he hasn’t said there’s a problem, and vetoed all suggestions by OP?

I would take a step back purely because the H has said he has it in hand and doesn’t like OP’s suggestions. In H’s shoes if my partner then took it upon himself to go or and buy a present for my dc I would be pissed off at him for ignoring me.

I'm a step mum. For me I would not want my dss to be upset at Christmas when it can be so easily rectified. Regardless of the situation with your DH, get the xbox, deal with the repercussions with your DH afterwards. Just my opinion.