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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I overreacting to rubbish first xmas present from new boyfriend?

107 replies

Magenta999 · 27/12/2019 23:14

I've known my current partner for 7 months and put quite a lot of thought into his Christmas presents, picking up on things he has said in conversation etc and getting a selection of things he really likes.
In return I got a toiletries set. I am by no means trying to sound ungrateful but it feels like this is a clear sign there's no spark here from his point of view. I'm really disappointed. Not in the cost or anything like that, but complete lack of imagination or thought.

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 28/12/2019 01:11

How did you meet this man in the first place? And why did you start accepting him just showing up at your house to get his dinner cooked and his dick wet? What on earth is the benefit to you here?

Livingoncake · 28/12/2019 01:11

Oh OP, you deserve about a thousand times better than this! I really hope you dump him as he's only one moving day away from being a cocklodger, and those can be very difficult to get rid of once they've got their feet under your table.

Just ditch him. Being the rude cow I am, I'd just do it by text, given how little he cares about you. Then do some thinking about why you felt he was the best you could do. Once you've done that, you're in a better position to find someone decent (to be fair, you're better off single than with this twat.)

BitOfFun · 28/12/2019 01:18

You can do so much better than this. Enough now.

Creepster · 28/12/2019 01:25

He neither knows nor cares what you like.
He is not your friend.

mediumbrownmug · 28/12/2019 01:46

At seven months you are well within your rights to end it for any reason. And this isn’t any reason. My DH was a bit clueless early on in our relationship, but has now changed. The difference is, I didn’t expect or wait for him to change- I was fine with it because he was very sweet in other ways. He changed because he’s a good guy who wanted to please me, and even though it wasn’t a huge deal to me he changed it anyway as soon as he realized. That said, your BF doesn’t really sound like that kind of guy, and what he does really bothers you. That matters, a lot. YANBU at all.

Italiangreyhound · 28/12/2019 01:50

"We've only been out once in 7 months, generally when we socialise I cook at my house and get arrives empty handed."

That sounds utterly crap. I am afraid he is using you. He is putting in zero effort and you are putting in all the effort.

Italiangreyhound · 28/12/2019 01:52

OP you can end your relationship for any reason or no reason, at any time.

Italiangreyhound · 28/12/2019 01:56

@Magenta999 "I didn't know if it was me being too sensitive. I just imagined at the start of a relationship it should be exciting and passionate"

The start of relationships are often passionate, but sometimes the passion continues. It sounds like he has no real interest in you, your personality, in taking you out, enjoying life with you etc.

NearlyGranny · 28/12/2019 02:05

He hasn't done anything terrible, but then he hadn't done anything wonderful, either, has he?

He pops round to yours for a free feed and whatever else is on offer and never reciprocates!

Enlighten us, where did you go on the one time he took you out and roughly how much did he spend? If it was 3 figures at the Savoy, there's hope. Anything less, meh.

Right now is as good as it ever gets and seven months is long enough for him to have shown you his whole MO as a boyfriend. I don't think he's a keeper.

Unless there's something he does that makes you swoon, he needs to hear one word from you, and the word is, "Next!"

1forAll74 · 28/12/2019 02:11

You have to realise,that lot's of men do not relish buying gifts, it does not mean that they don't care about you. Women tend to like buying presents,and spend time choosing things.

spingly · 28/12/2019 02:26

Sorry OP sounds like a very full relationship, move on I think.

spingly · 28/12/2019 02:28

You have to realise,that lot's of men do not relish buying gifts, it does not mean that they don't care about you. Women tend to like buying presents,and spend time choosing things.

No woman has to realise this, because it's just infantilising men, they're perfectly capable of gift buying, lazy arses don't bother and decent men do... simple!

spingly · 28/12/2019 02:29

*a very dull certainly not a very full! 🙄

NightsOfCabiria · 28/12/2019 02:42

Well I had noticed he was a bit of a penny pincher generally. We've only been out once in 7 months, generally when we socialise I cook at my house and get arrives empty handed

This, added to the shit gift means that he couldn't care less about you. Sorry.

You’re just a convenient dinner & shag provider until something better comes along.

OP, you can do so much better than this.

And those saying some people are just hopeless at gift giving, it’s no excuse. You’re an adult. You’ll be getting gifts for people several times a year throughout your life. Learn. Notice what people comment on. What they like and value. Do some research, Google, ask a friend, ask in John Lewis, put some thought into it. There are loads of resources online to help.

fligglepige · 28/12/2019 02:46

It wouldn't worry me apart from the fact that he's usually a stingy bastard, that's just not something you want to spent your life dealing with. Ditch and enjoy 2020.

onetwothree50 · 28/12/2019 02:55

Just want other opinions really. I know everyone is different with how they do Christmas and what they buy their kids. But , my child's father walked in on Boxing Day with 2 presents wrapped up for DS. One was a top and trousers and one was jumper ( not designer or anything ). I'm completely different for him, in the sense that I bought clothes and toys for our son as he is only 1 years old. He doesn't have any financial problems or anything. Do you think he is just mean? Or do you think this is what he was maybe used to when growing up and doesn't think anything of it. He didn't even open them with DS he just sat them down and I opened them when he left. He doesn't buy anything for our son all year round so I'm inclined to go with the first one.

onetwothree50 · 28/12/2019 02:56

Sorry OP and everyone. I meant to start a new thread with that post

spingly · 28/12/2019 02:56

@onetwothree50 no 1 year old needs designer clothes. Does he pay maintenance?

onetwothree50 · 28/12/2019 02:57

@spingly no he doesn't pay child support

spingly · 28/12/2019 03:00

@onetwothree50 probably worth starting a new thread but he's a total arse for not paying CS!

LadyB49 · 28/12/2019 04:22

First date with my now dh we went to the cinema and afterwards for a walk along the promenade in the dark and bitter cold and it was glorious.. Next day he sent flowers. That was 22 years ago and I still get flowers. For Xmas I got beautiful slippers, voucher for beauty salon, perfume, a Galway Crystal Christmas decoration. other smaller stuff. I am 70 and he is 65.
But it doesn't have to be about money.
One of the best surprise s before we lived together was a flower tucked under my windscreen wiper when I went to go to work.
Another was a tiny £2 plant out of Lidl that he gave me one night when dropping me home. It was all of 4" tall.

It's all about showing you care.

KatherineJaneway · 28/12/2019 04:42

Tight, lazy and thoughtless. Hardly attractive traits OP.

KC225 · 28/12/2019 05:26

Did you post on here a week or so ago about the same guy who turned up to eat at your place with nothing, let you pay for a supermarket food shop when he was supposed to be cooking. And the one time you did go out, you bought the tickets. You were told back then he was mean, and not a keeper. Why are you still flogging this dead horse?

tillytrotter1 · 28/12/2019 06:09

50th birthday, Terry's chocolate orange, which I loathe.
60th birthday, all singing, all dancing SLR camera.
Some people just need a nudge!

I think I've said before that one year we decided to buy and wrap our own present from the other half, the surprise came in what you were giving and it worked out well.

Shockers · 28/12/2019 06:19

What do you get out of the relationship? Is he a great lover? Conversationalist?

Does he work, or is he broke? How often does he come for food?

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