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Original poster

Am I overreacting to rubbish first xmas present from new boyfriend?

107 replies

Magenta999 · 27/12/2019 23:14

I've known my current partner for 7 months and put quite a lot of thought into his Christmas presents, picking up on things he has said in conversation etc and getting a selection of things he really likes.
In return I got a toiletries set. I am by no means trying to sound ungrateful but it feels like this is a clear sign there's no spark here from his point of view. I'm really disappointed. Not in the cost or anything like that, but complete lack of imagination or thought.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 28/12/2019 00:15

Our first Christmas I got a “Walking with Dinosaurs” book ... I am not interested in Dinosaurs at all. 17 years in, 15 of then married, with a 13 year old DD, he’s still not great at presents. I drop massive hints

Cherrysoup · 28/12/2019 00:15

Does he spark joy in you? No? So get rid.

Sally2791 · 28/12/2019 00:21

Urgh. Get rid.

BluebonicPlague · 28/12/2019 00:22

I am a very bad person so scrolled right down without reading anything but the heading and none of the replies. And thought: if you even need to ask this question... you don't need to ask it.

"rubbish" is your own word...

stuckinthemiddlewithtwats · 28/12/2019 00:25

That's what I got from my ex as a first Xmas gift. It wasn't even in a scent I liked and was clearly not thought out, just grabbed off a shelf as a 'that'll do' sort of gift.
It made me realise how little he actually thought of me and that he hadn't put a second's thought into what I'd actually like.
Unsurprisingly, the relationship didn't last much longer.

My current partner is a crap present buyer, but I can at least see the effort and logic that's gone in to buying me the gifts he does.

80sstyle · 28/12/2019 00:28

Why oh why are you not going out with him?

There would be no point in him going out with me because I would never cook for him. What would happen if you didn’t offer?

Original poster
Magenta999 · 28/12/2019 00:30

80sstyle I'm really asking myself that question!

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 28/12/2019 00:30

Wine when I've been teetotal for 10 years [hmmm]

peachypetite · 28/12/2019 00:32

So you cook for him at yours and he presumably then gets a shag on top. Why aren’t you going out on nice dates?!

ArranUpsideDown · 28/12/2019 00:33

We've only been out once in 7 months, generally when we socialise I cook at my house and get arrives empty handed.

Just echoing what everyone else has remarked in response to this update.

I'm only sorry that it wasn't immediately obvious to you that you are worth a so much better partner and relationship.

Best wishes for meeting somebody who deserves you and brings a spark to your shared time together and never makes you have to resort to talking to strangers to establish whether your relationship is running along expected lines.

Original poster
Magenta999 · 28/12/2019 00:33

It seems a daft thing to assess a relationship on, its not like hes cheated or done anything terrible. But this whole gift thing just seems to have brought to light the fact he hasn't bothered to learn anything about me or what I like. Which is kind of integral to a relationship

OP posts:
FruitcakeOfHate · 28/12/2019 00:34

Why oh why are you not going out with him?

They don't even go out! He comes over for his dinner and bunk up.

cstaff · 28/12/2019 00:36

Sorry OP but he is not for you. I got a very similar present years ago with no thought of brand, make etc and I was so upset because it was obvious that no thought had gone into it. The same Christmas I got him tickets to go see a singer he was really into.

The tightness would finish me off. That's about the worst trait anyone, family, friends, partner etc can have. Such a turnoff.

FruitcakeOfHate · 28/12/2019 00:37

Magenta, this isn't a relationship, this is him using you as a FWB who cooks him dinner on top of it. You seriously need to work on your self-esteem because this guy is a complete and utter user.

Thinkingabout1t · 28/12/2019 00:38

OP, I wouldn't be too worried about a boring present. But the other things you've said raise a big warning flag - he's a cheapskate and he takes advantage of you.

If there's anything you like about him, why not have a serious talk about his behaviour and his attitude to you. He may not be as selfish as he seems. He may just be inexperienced, or never have learnt how to behave any better. If he doesn't shape up, though, I wouldn't stay with him.

BrendasUmbrella · 28/12/2019 00:43

Well honestly for a 7 month relationship I would not be pushing the boat out.

But if he is a miser in day to day life it may be an idea to cut your losses and move on. Do you want too spend your future with a penny pincher?

TheHootiestChristmasOwl · 28/12/2019 00:50

So I essentially, he comes round for a shag.

Minky35 · 28/12/2019 00:53

Why don’t you go out for meals or nice dates?What’s the reason? What would he say the reason is?
You are right it should be exiting at first, not you providing his tea free of charge.

FruminariaBandersnatchiosum · 28/12/2019 00:53

Why does he have to have done something 'terrible' ?

Dump him on the grounds of the fact he clearly doesn't give a rap about you. It doesn't get much more 'terrible'. Easpecially after 7 months.

Aderyn19 · 28/12/2019 00:53

OP, you don't have to stay with someone just because they haven't done something as bad as cheating on you. Him being tight and thoughtless really is a good enough reason to finish things.
Do you really want this to be your life forever?

violetbunny · 28/12/2019 00:59

You're right, he hasn't done anything terrible. But he hasn't put any effort in at any point, by the sounds of it.

MayDayHelp · 28/12/2019 01:00

Oh dear a bit of a mismatch.

I just saw on fb today someone I know (male) has just spent Christmas at his much younger gf’s family’s house who he left his lovely wife for. He put pictures of their presents up...she must have spent at least £500 on him but I doubt what he got her came to £100. Not sure what her parents made of it. They are both very good earners but him more so than her as he’s a lot more senior.

CrotchetyQuaver · 28/12/2019 01:02

Only out once in 7 months? But he's regularly round yours for dinner and presumably a shag and doesn't even bring a bottle of wine along with him? No that's really bad, he's one of life's takers, you must stop this. What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? Only you know if it's even worth having a conversation with him to explain why you're unhappy and invite him to make a effort or to just cut your losses and dump him.

thickwoollytights · 28/12/2019 01:06

The shit Christmas gift is the least of your worries.

This

ReanimatedSGB · 28/12/2019 01:08

FFS what does he have to offer? Is he gorgeous, or dynamite in bed? Or have you just been taught to believe that you must have A Man In Your Life, no matter how useless, because a single woman is a freak and a failure?

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