A goat!! Aibu?

[Afrigginggoat]

My kids are 19,17 and 13. A close family member usually gives them £10 each or a book gift card for Christmas, sometimes a little gift. They buy for us too. This year they bought presents for dh and I and envelopes for the kids.

When opened they contained a sponsored goat, mosquito nets and a toilet.

Aibu to think you do this for adults who don't need gifts not for younger people who appreciate a bit of a gift? FWIW my kids have active social consciences and were actually very nice about it, they don't mind. But I mind. The relative has plenty of money and time but has a reputation for being selfish and I feel this year he's taken it out on my kids, he couldn't be bothered so he gave them a frigging goat!
Aibu?

YANBU

Relative basically donated to a cause of their choice and the kids got a card.

I think it is fine if it is a charity that the relative knows they support; or if it was an additional gift - I've done both of those myself.

Otherwise it's a gift from a person to themselves, with no thought for the recipient, except maybe, like so many on this thread, to 'teach them a lesson'.

It's not grabby to feel pissed off at this.

But if it were a relative of mine, they'd be getting goats for every birthday and Christmas for the rest of our lives. Because presumably it's what they want.

I'd be thrilled if my children received such a thoughtful, compassionate gift that helped a family who needs far more than us.

A dreadful idea! In the main, these poor animals are sent to a region which has poor crops and little water and given to people to who cannot care for them properly. Why add to the world's miseries.

Never thought of it like that.

I’m with you op!

I know it's not quite the same, but to me it's like getting your payslip and it's a few quid short because your boss thoughtfully donated to charity on your behalf.

My kids don't need to be taught a lesson. Thanks have always been offered for gifts in the past.

Nonsense, @percheron67. The sponsored goat is often not an actual goat at all, otherwise it would be like endlessly giving teabags to a food bank that doesn’t need them.

www.theguardian.com/business/2006/jul/14/ethicalbusiness.internationalaidanddevelopment

The 17 and 19 year old are practically adults - and reasonable to treat all 3 in a similar way.
Buying for five of you isn't cheap - yet for a 19 year old, £10 is probably 2 pints at the pub.
I think charity gifts are a great thing to do, even for younger kids (no pun intended) - maybe next year for grabby parents as well.

When they got older, I gave a friends' children a gift investment to Care's Lend with Care Scheme, so that they could choose microbusinesses to lend to.

FeigningHorror. You say that it is "often not an actual goat" - so you do accept, then , that live animals are sent to hot and arid lands to perish before they can be of benefit to the community. Your comparison to teabags is puerile. It would appear that you have no finer feelings.

That's a gift to the giver not the recipient

Unless someone has specifically said that they don't want gifts themselves and would like the money to be donated to charity then it's an utterly shit gift.
Kids don't need to be taught lessons by not being given gifts - that's just rude.
It is definitely virtue signalling. If you want to donate to charity, do it yourself, don't try to pass it off as a gift for someone else.

It's not a great gift, it's not a gift at all as all the children have received is a letter saying I am not giving you a present this year I am giving what would have been your present to someone who deserves it more.
The children have learnt a valuable lesson namely that a certain relative is a virtue signaller who doesn't like them very much.

It's not a great gift, it's not a gift at all as all the children have received is a letter saying I am not giving you a present this year I am giving what would have been your present to someone who deserves it more.
The children have learnt a valuable lesson namely that a certain relative is a virtue signaller who doesn't like them very much

Very true

Flying all those goats out to Angola is also very environmentally unfriendly and is the reason why the Amazon is BURNING.

@FeigningHorror Absolutely love your last post!

FeigningHorror I have never been under the impression that livestock was transported from the UK to Africa. You are possessed of a very lively imagination I must say. However, not a good or pleasant idea to accuse others of taking drugs. Perhaps you should stick to facts and not let your mind run away with you.

Its a shit gift. It makes the giver feel good and the charity gains. Meanwhile the person who got nothing has to suck it up. I give a lot to charity. Without fanfare.

Yabu. I'm sure the family member thought it was a nice gift. There's way worse things that happen in families.

Unless someone has specifically asked for this type of "charity gift", I think it's a rude thing to do. As others have said, donate from your own entertainment/luxuries budget instead of making it your virtue-signalling "gift" to someone else!

And then when they open it (in front of the oh-so-generous giver), they have to overcome the momentary befuddlement and pretend to be thrilled, so as not to offend or be judged for their horrible materialistic natures. (How dare they want an actual enjoyable gift at Christmas?!)

I wouldn't be impressed, but I think the most I'd do is suggest (next year-- not right away!) that there's no need to exchange gifts in future.

@percheron67, perhaps it would refresh your memory for facts if you looked at your last post in which you specifically say ‘live animals are sent to hot and arid lands to perish’?

I'm with you OP, yes for adults but not for kids.

I have a friend whose daughter was 10 this year and she said "oh just make a charity donation". I think 10 is a bit young and am not very comfortable with it.

I also think, rather than buying a goat or whatever, they should donate to whichever charity your teens want, rather than making the decision for them. It's basically saying "I am not giving you a present and will donate to x charity instead" rather than "I would like to give charity donations rather than presents this year but would prefer to donate to charities close to your hearts rather than mine".

@violinrosa yes I'm sure the chairman of that charity, on his £100k salary, makes sure that some goats get shipped out to families somewhere. He's got to justify that massive pay packet after all.

Personally if someone is going to donate to charity on my behalf I'd be delighted - if it was to a charity of my choice. I prefer to support small local charities, food banks, homeless shelter, women's refuge, the local hospice - not multi million pound charities that have often been proved to cause more problems than they solve with this fad of "donating" livestock.

Registered Charities have to submit fully audited accounts to the charities commission every year , there are very strict rules when it comes to fund raising and distribution of the monies raised
Perhaps you could provide proof of their financial irregularities ?

@pelirocco123 I don't believe I mentioned financial irregularities, but a lot of big charities that do the 'donate a goat' bullshit are certainly guilty of gross dishonesty and financial inefficiency,

not to mention child sex abuse.

If someone donated to Oxfam on my behalf I'd be furious and probably tell them to shove it up their arse.