A goat!! Aibu?

[Afrigginggoat]

My kids are 19,17 and 13. A close family member usually gives them £10 each or a book gift card for Christmas, sometimes a little gift. They buy for us too. This year they bought presents for dh and I and envelopes for the kids.

When opened they contained a sponsored goat, mosquito nets and a toilet.

Aibu to think you do this for adults who don't need gifts not for younger people who appreciate a bit of a gift? FWIW my kids have active social consciences and were actually very nice about it, they don't mind. But I mind. The relative has plenty of money and time but has a reputation for being selfish and I feel this year he's taken it out on my kids, he couldn't be bothered so he gave them a frigging goat!
Aibu?

They got an accessory to make their own ice cream, that's what they asked for...? Puts a different spin on it

It's a rubbish present. It's the giver saying look what a good person I am. Donate in your own name if you want to, don't force it on someone else.

OP: “what would you like for Christmas this year, Family Member?”
FM: “a Kitchenaid accessory would be lovely, thanks. What would the kids like?”
OP: “they have all asked for charity goats, please”

This is fine.

“what would you like for Christmas this year, Family Member?”
FM: “I don’t need anything thanks. A charity donation on my behalf would be lovely, though. Do you think the kids woukd like their usual tenner or do you think they also might lik a charity goat?”

This is also fine.

OP: “what would you like for Christmas this year, Family Member?”
FM: “a Kitchenaid accessory would be lovely, thanks.“ (does not bother asking what kids would like so OP expects the usual tenner much appreciated by the kids)
OP: “ok, sorted.”

Kids get nothing but a card saying that other people somewhere got something using FM’s money. FM gets their requested non-charity item using OP’s money.

Not fine.

I think YANBU. I have never given or received one of these gifts but the concept drives me up the wall.

It's bizarre to me. Donate something to charity yourself, sure.

Assume what someone else wants to donate... patronising bullshit...goatshit maybe. Why not give them the cash to do with as they wish?

jesus yes, that kind of thing would be great. Doesn’t necessarily have to be the letters I see what you are saying about them. I just want to show my DC what our money is doing. It’s obviously quite easy as an adult to understand but little ones sometimes need a visual.

At least you know what to get your relatives from now on...

I gave my DD (8) a gift of a sponsored donkey (amongst other presents). She loves it! Am I mean?! I suppose it helps that we live close to the sanctuary so that we can go and visit the actual donkey. YABU

YABU and grabby. You should teach your children to be grateful, responsible and thoughtful of what else goes on in the world.

I've made small cash donations to my widespread family's local foodbanks as my Christmas presents, and put notes in their cards explaining. Now I hope none of them see it as 'virtue signalling'. I'm terrible at buying presents to start with and we're all quite capable of buying whatever we want, so it would just be token unwanted gifts anyway really. It might open some of their eyes that there are people in their area with a need for foodbanks as well

Alternatively, you could give to the local food banks yourself and give small cash donations to the family members to choose what to spend their gift on!

It might open some of their eyes that there are people in their area with a need for foodbanks as well

I'm sure they already know that - but it might have the opposite effect ie - you gave donated 'on their behalf' so they don't need to.

It's you giving to charity and you telling the world you have done it. Odd.

It sounds like someone got sick of your kids not writing thankyou notes.

I gave my DD (8) a gift of a sponsored donkey (amongst other presents). She loves it! Am I mean?! I suppose it helps that we live close to the sanctuary so that we can go and visit the actual donkey

"amongst other presents", so that is different. Besides, you can visit the donkey and help your child feel involved etc

I have a Direct Debit for a water aid charity and was unimpressed to be 'gifted' a water aid donation 'in my name'. Odd - I give in my own name privately. My friend gave in my name publicly.

It did not feel like a gift to have someone else's donation attributed to me. Smacked of being too lazy to find a suitable gift for me.

If you want to give to charity do so privately, no need to bring others in to it at all.

I think it’s very inconsiderate to give livestock without being sure the recipient has the right facilities.

😂🤣

Goats rock!

I wanted a Pygmy Goat. We haven't got a big enough garden. But it is the ultimate dream.

I think that's nice. My youngest had a sponsored giraffe for xmas, gifted to her. She thought it was a good idea.

I think YANBU

If he wants to give his money to charity - great
If he wants to say "don't buy me a present, please give the money to X charity instead" - great
If he wants to say "let's not do presents this year. I'll donate some money to charity instead and you do the same if you wish" - great

But to ask for and accept a gift from you, and then not actually buy the DC gifts but instead use the money for something else that isn't actually about them at all (ie it's not a charity that they are involved with or fundraise for) - no that's not on.

I do think he's trying to tell you (or your DC) something through this gift though - whether its that he thinks they get to much, or he thinks they don't appreciate the gifts he gets, or something else.

@MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal. If you do ever get a pygmy goat be aware they are social creatures so should be in pairs at the least.

Two of your ‘kids’ are adults at 17,19, maybe they shouldn’t be expecting a gift at all.

I've obsessively read about them. My husband desperately wants the next house to have a big garden. He doesn't want what I have planned for that garden He's in a bit of a quandary. Because he knows I won't bother informing him.

YANBU
The giver could request charity donations for themself. If they're giving you a gift they should give you what they think you want. Unless you have stated you prefer charity gifts of course.

Give a gift or don't give a gift but don't expect me to be grateful if you've given a gift to someone else on my behalf.

I'd hazard a guess that those saying that YABU are people who give charity 'presents' for exactly the reasons others have mentioned and don't like being called out for it.

Charity should be something you choose - not something imposed on you (and yes I hate those charity days at school too where your kids - or rather their parents - are now forced to pay for what used to just be called 'mufti day').

I would be furious and would say so, dont care if its rude, if people want to give charity gifts , fine, but leave me totally out of it

I could understand if your kids were little but they're 19, 17 and 13! I think it's a fine gift for 'kids' of that age and will teach them a good life lesson. YABU.

I disagree. Does the giver know their beliefs or morals. What if they vehemently disagree with the charity. Did they check?
I'd be furious if somebody gave on my name to some charities.

Oh my 10 year old would have LOVED the sponsored goat. YABU, I doubt they need anything and it's not lack of effort as it would have taken more time than cash or an amazon gift card