A goat!! Aibu?

[Afrigginggoat]

My kids are 19,17 and 13. A close family member usually gives them £10 each or a book gift card for Christmas, sometimes a little gift. They buy for us too. This year they bought presents for dh and I and envelopes for the kids.

When opened they contained a sponsored goat, mosquito nets and a toilet.

Aibu to think you do this for adults who don't need gifts not for younger people who appreciate a bit of a gift? FWIW my kids have active social consciences and were actually very nice about it, they don't mind. But I mind. The relative has plenty of money and time but has a reputation for being selfish and I feel this year he's taken it out on my kids, he couldn't be bothered so he gave them a frigging goat!
Aibu?

YABVU it's none of your business what gifts a family member decides to give your teenage kids. You've said they don't mind, so butt out.

Your kids are certainly old enough to understand that a lot of people give gifts like this these days. I don't understand how you can say they have a social conscience then moan about the presents. YABU.

Yanbu. Not content with prostituting children in developing countries, charities also want to take money from children's presents in this country to do it.

Plus, telling someone "I gave money to Oxfam" isn't a present. It's just telling someone you've given money to Oxfam. See the Pandora/Adrian Mole/Tunisian beggar story for further details.

*If people want to sponsor goats, donkeys or anything else they're perfectly free to do so.

But giving it as a 'gift' is virtue signalling imo and letting everyone know you've done something for charidee.*

This. With bells on. I hate charity presents. Given by people who want to give to charity but only if they can save that money by not buying a present.

I remember when I was young a family member got us a goat in some country and it had been a really hard year with a house fire and stuff and my mum said she would rather have had the goat herself to kill it and eat it

I don’t like this as a gift and a family member does it.

Personally I like to donate to smaller charities and this time of year is great as early December seems to see a lot of ‘donation matching’ so your money gets doubled (one of the small local ones I like seems to have this every year). But I do that and buy people I want to have a gift, a gift.

Not unreasonable IMO for kids who already have everything, but VU IMO to buy actual presents for the parents instead. Trying to make a point about over-indulged (in their eyes?) kids perhaps?

My DSiS who,lives abroad and has had a frantically busy few months sent money to all the kids (ages 3 - early 20s) and homeless charity donations for the adults. Seems a much better way round IMO.

I don't really like charity gifts, unless the recipient has expressed a desire for it. I kind of feel like if you want to support a charity you should do it of your own free will, with your own money, not money you're gifting anyway.

I have a couple of relatives who donate to a charity instead of giving me gifts, after I insisted there wasn't anything I wanted a few years ago but would appreciate a donation to the charity.

I have no problem with this, though I’m sure there are far more efficient ways of donating. And your issue seems to be that this was selfish and ‘tight’ but the family member has spent the same as usual, if not more, judging by Oxfam Ireland’s site.

I would actually like my children to be gifted this. They get so many presents and it's a good way to think of those who have less in the world. I can see why you're annoyed but I would try and look at the opportunities for teaching that this brings. Maybe google the charity and watch some clips about their work, they might find it interesting.

I wish my family and friends would do this, what a nicer place the world would be. I request that people donated to charity rather than but presents for us, but no one ever does. Presents are a form of control.

My Nephews and nieces bought bales of hay (virtual) for our local animal sanctuary and adopted a mama donkey and foal. I do this every year, or similar, with encouragement from their parents, who are bringing them up to be caring individuals and who want to keep the true spirit of Christmas.

Presents are a form of control.

What??? I'm not big on the whole present thing but that statement is absolute bonkers!

It sounds a great gift and one ideal for your kids. It sounds like your issues with the gift giver are not related to these particular gifts.

Yabu

I think it's a lovely gift and nice little reminder that at this time of year lots of children are not as fortunate as we might be. I'm presuming here that your teens got nice gifts from other people. I received a charity donation on my behalf this year and was chuffed with it, I also did a charity donation (protecting some rainforest) for my partner and it was his favourite gift!

I agree with @SentimentalKiller too. Let him/her give out of his/her own gift stash, not your kids'!

So obvious that this was a message meant to say 'you kids are selfish and self-centrered, only show an interest in my existence when Xmas is around the corner, you expect presents, well, here what I think you deserve'.

Whether there is some truth in the way the feel, no stranger will know, but the message is quite clear to me.

These presents are virtue signalling. If your relative wants to give, they can give in their own name without pretending it's a present for you. Charity can't be forced, only modelled, and this is not the way.

This sort of thing works if it's discussed beforehand; I think an alert would have been nice to avoid disappointment at the point of envelope opening.

If the older ones agreed, fine, but I'd leave the 13yo out, I think. How does your relative know what you and your DC are already committed to in your giving? We are not supposed to flaunt these things, after all.

It was clumsily and tactlessly done at best. I save these sorts of things for people who say they have everything they want and don't want presents. I ask whether they want a goat/toilet/well and proceed with their knowledge and blessing.

I have chickens myself and I was given a charity gift of chickens for a family in Africa. Personally I thought that was lovely and very thoughtful.

On the whole gifts from other family members for my children (13 and 15) are token gifts anyway so a charity gift would be a nice touch. Beats another body wash set anyway. It's good if they are old enough to understand it.

Yabu it's a thoughtful gift, especially for socially conscious kids. You're the one who is wrong here.

I think it probably also depends on how may gifts you get. I got two. I would be pissed off if one of them turned out to be a goat!!

My sister once did this, when we were obviously short of money. As an adult, I would very happy with this gift, as a parent I was not.

Perhaps your relative thinks your children need a wider perspective on Christmas. Mine was just showing us she was now much more worthy than us.

Aibu to think you do this for adults who don't need gifts

Need gifts? No one needs gifts, that is why they are gifts.

You said your DCs are socially conscious so it sounds very thoughtful to me. You sound as though you are ungrateful, selfish and demanding.

yes I'm sure the chairman of that charity, on his £100k salary, makes sure that some goats get shipped out to families somewhere. He's got to justify that massive pay packet after all.

How do you know which charity it is? There seem to be quite a few which offer goat presents.

OP- you say that your relative has a reputation for being selfish- isn't this the pot calling the kettle black? Your kids are fine with it, why can't you be?