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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A goat!! Aibu?

200 replies

Afrigginggoat · 26/12/2019 22:26

My kids are 19,17 and 13. A close family member usually gives them £10 each or a book gift card for Christmas, sometimes a little gift. They buy for us too. This year they bought presents for dh and I and envelopes for the kids.

When opened they contained a sponsored goat, mosquito nets and a toilet.

Aibu to think you do this for adults who don't need gifts not for younger people who appreciate a bit of a gift? FWIW my kids have active social consciences and were actually very nice about it, they don't mind. But I mind. The relative has plenty of money and time but has a reputation for being selfish and I feel this year he's taken it out on my kids, he couldn't be bothered so he gave them a frigging goat!
Aibu?

OP posts:
UnrelentingFruitScoffer · 26/12/2019 23:55

Where are you keeping the goats ? I mean, we have a small paddock out here in the sticks but it isn’t very well fenced and I would struggle to keep the goats from breaking out..... but most people don’t even have a field at all just a garden or not even that.

I think it’s very inconsiderate to give livestock without being sure the recipient has the right facilities.

nocoolnamesleft · 26/12/2019 23:55

They didn't give your children anything. They selected which charity they wanted to support, funded it be depriving your children rather than depriving themselves, then sent the card to gloat.

What they should have done was to ask everyone to give to charity instead of giving them presents. Or cut back on something for themselves, and used that money for charity.

Do good deeds by stealth: let not the left hand know what the right is doing.

Caledoniahasmyheartforever · 26/12/2019 23:57

He is not a teacher is he @Afrigginggoat? My daughters teachers have asked that rather than gift them something for Christmas/ retirement/ end of term that they would donate to charity what we would normally spend- buy a goat/ support a girl buying re usable san pro so she can continue her education/ a teaching pack for a third world school. They did say there was no obligation to purchasing a gift a all, it was purely a suggestion for those who have always gifted previously.

I thought it was a great idea! We purchased several different charity gifts . I think it’s a great idea and would be delighted if I were the recipient!

BillHadersNewWife · 26/12/2019 23:57

They didn't give your children anything. They selected which charity they wanted to support, funded it be depriving your children rather than depriving themselves, then sent the card to gloat

This!

Do good deeds by stealth: let not the left hand know what the right is doing.

And this.

Maryann1975 · 26/12/2019 23:58

If your dc were slightly different ages, I would think you were one of my friends, who has been whinging about her daughters being given a similar present. Her dc have had so many presents, that they won’t play with (based on previous years experiences). They are highly ungrateful about anything they are given and have had the cheek to ask their parents friends why they haven’t bought presents for them. Maybe a bit of research on why a family appreciates being given a goat would do them some good (although as you say they already have a good social conscience, maybe just read it on your own).
Next year, makes a pact with your friend that you ‘aren’t doing gifts’ and buy your dc another plastic thing that you want them to have instead.

BackforGood · 26/12/2019 23:59

What @BikeRunSki and @JockTamsonsBairns and others said.

If they had got it for you - poor choice

As you say your dc have active social consciences and were actually very nice about it, they don't mind. then I don't see the problem.

DickDewy · 26/12/2019 23:59

I think it’s PA and I know ‘cause we gave a sponsored goat as a wedding gift once (2nd wedding, had a poem in invitation asking for cash...)

I would never give this to teenagers.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 27/12/2019 00:00

caledonia
But can’t you see that was has happened here is completely different to your example.
There the man asked for the charity presents for himself- a lovely idea.
Here the person made charity donations from money that was earmarked for the OPs children.

FreeStar · 27/12/2019 00:02

Anyone who gives a charity gift is basically saying 'I'm not giving you anything this year- I'm donating to charity instead.'

ThisIsSanta · 27/12/2019 00:02

I would be delighted if my teen DC received these. And so would they be.

FreeStar · 27/12/2019 00:03

Anyone who wants to give to charity should ask for their own presents to be charity gifts!

CoffeeCoinnesseur · 27/12/2019 00:03

.We got them the kitchen gadget they asked for - ice cream making accessory for their £500 kitchen aid....

Surprise surprise, cheeky fucker.

He made sure he got to let everyone know he's donated to charity and is therefore a good person, while still getting his kitchen Aid ice cream mixer.

Win win for him.

Tolleshunt · 27/12/2019 00:05

They didn't give your children anything. They selected which charity they wanted to support, funded it be depriving your children rather than depriving themselves, then sent the card to gloat.

What they should have done was to ask everyone to give to charity instead of giving them presents. Or cut back on something for themselves, and used that money for charity.

Do good deeds by stealth: let not the left hand know what the right is doing.

This nails it.

Original poster
Afrigginggoat · 27/12/2019 00:06

Maryann, not a friend, it's a close relative and dh and I got a gift, my kids didn't. They don't have too much, we are pretty restrained tbh and I don't think anybody could accuse the kids of previous ingratitude.

OP posts:
sammybins · 27/12/2019 00:17

YABU
He's the cool uncle. Maybe you jus' jelly...

Bluerussian · 27/12/2019 00:25

I think sponsoring or 'adopting' an animal as a gift is really nice. Most children have quite a lot for Christmas and birthdays, something like that is a bit different and will make them think. FRC I have a mule and my cousin had a retired racehorse until he died (the horse, not cousin, she's still going strong). We had pictures of them and regular updates.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2019 00:31

I agree with the virtue signalling comments.

If the kids had asked, fair enough. If he had done it for everyone, fair enough. Or if he had explained that he was doing it for the kids only because he felt that kids need to learn a lesson, ok.

But to just do it, no matter what his intention, is a bit "look at me! teaching your kids good lessons and donating to charidee too!" attention seeking. MY mother asks for charidee gifts, she had her reasons and I respect them even though I dont personally support the charidee she does. But she still gives "proper" gifts to others unless they have requested otherwise.

starsparkle08 · 27/12/2019 00:31

It’s a great gift you are being unreasonable.

MrsToothyBitch · 27/12/2019 00:32

YANBU because unless he consulted your DC about which charities to give to/which appeals to support, your relative has merely broadcast that he's made a charity donation. The moz nets and toilets are really worthwhile but are they necessarily the cause your children would have thought of first?

My DM would've taken a dim view if someone had given me that for Christmas as a teen. Firstly because of the presumption that I would automatically want to support their chosen charity and latterly because she also would've viewed it as a "punishment present" and would have assumed I'd either pissed off the relative in question or hadn't thanked them properly for a previous gift.

BobLemon · 27/12/2019 00:36

YABU

Diddledoodledoo · 27/12/2019 00:39

Yanbu. You can’t give other people charity gifts - I’ve never understood this as a concept! If you want to make charitable donations ask for them instead of receiving presents yourself.

nettie434 · 27/12/2019 01:03

We got them the kitchen gadget they asked for - ice cream making accessory for their £500 kitchen aid....

This really changed my view. If you hadn't bought the Goat Giver a present, I would have thought you were being a bit YABU but why didn't they ask you to buy a goat/mosquito net etc on their behalf and send cash to the children as usual?

Lifecanonlygetbetter · 27/12/2019 01:20

A friend of mine has given charity gifts to her grandchildren because she sees them as very materialistic, self-centred and totally spoiled by their parents. They don’t need anything, and are careless of what they have. They have no insight into the challenges that children in other parts of the world face.

AwakeAmbs · 27/12/2019 01:23

That’s a great gift. Why do you not want to teach your kids empathy for other beings?

IdiotInDisguise · 27/12/2019 01:23

I hate this Oxfam gifts, if you want to help, gift them To yourself, don’t impose them on other people.

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