To put nearly 17 year old son out

[whostoletheeyeoutyourteddybear]

My almost 17 year old son has been attending school and college which is great. And walks the dogs (when forced). However, he behaves utterly entitled, expects everything from me and everything done for him. If I don't cook all his food he will starve all day then cook late at night and leave all the mess for me in the morning. I bought our current property (victorian building) in July to get away from ex partner who was a tad abusive. However, my son has seen us living just the 2 of us as a way to walk all over me. He punched a hole in an internal wall last week because I wouldn't reinstate his gym membership as he had been pretty crap of late. There are cracks all over the internal wall of his bedroom that have appeared in the last couple of months with him slamming doors and stamping his feet. He has had the world off me. It's mainly only ever been the 2 of us. He's been round the world with me. I'm so fair with him but he treats me like a slave and talks to me like shit. Strangely, he has a couple of days here and there where he is the lovely son again. Well, I've told his dad I'm not taking it and he can pack his bags and move in with him (not my abusive ex) if he doesn't stop this attitude. He will soon realise as he won't be able to attend his school or college abd wouldn't see his friends, as his dad lives quite far. AiBU or is his behavior just not acceptable?

Your sons comments are chilling and frightening. I think you would have got very different responses had you said this in the first place.

I think you need to teach him a big lesson in how it works. He’s got everything in reverse.

Ah having read what your son's been saying to you I agree with mummyoflittledragon - he needs a short sharp shock. That's the language of the bully. It doesn't matter where he learned it, the fact is that he's now well on his way to being a danger to you.

Yes I think you should pack his bag and tell his dad that he's his problem now. You need to keep yourself safe. Maybe the shock of being "relocated" to his dad's might give him pause for thought.

Hopefully its not too late for him to change his ways.

He’s 16 and has spent 3 years being exposed to domestic abuse. Considering how he could have reacted I think you’ve got the lighter end of what anger he could be displaying. I don’t think the answer is to send him to his dads and your relationship may struggle to ever recover

Yes it sounds like it might be a good time for him to go and live with his dad

I second what most pp say here, although he is 16 he still needs guidance and boundaries that he isn't getting at the moment.
You sound like you are working very hard to give him a good life but he sounds mixed up and angry and is lashing out. As hard as it is you need to help him work out why he feels the way he does towards you.
Some previous posters have suggested parenting classes which is a great idea. Not because you are doing a terrible job, you absolutely aren't, but because parenting a teenager is different from a child and we all could do with some guidance and confidence in how to approach setting boundaries etc.
Triple P parenting it's a good one that id recommend.
Good luck op!

@whostoletheeyeoutyourteddybear Only read the first page of this thread. I can’t read any more bullshit victim blaming posts from pearl clutching, know it all mn’s. Who obviously have no grasp on real life or DV!

Just dropping by to say congrats on getting out and just ignore the ignorance of the pseudo psychiatry b*llocks from some posters. Good luck to you and your ds. I’m sure it’s just teenage behaviour and not some DV induced psychosis 🤷🏻‍♀️

"That's not how it works mum, you will just make it worse for yourself".

@whostoletheeyeoutyourteddybear - those sound like the words of a psychopath. Has he always been rather cold and controlling?

After reading your updates I think YANBU to arrange for him to move out. Unless he is mentally ill/depressed, his attitude smacks of someone who lacks empathy and is unlikely to change his attitude. True psychopaths are born that way and see no need to change, so long as they are able to control others around them to get what they want. Only you can know whether he has a personality disorder or whether stress and/or depression and/or teenage hormones are to blame.

PS: I'm not qualified in this field, but have a psychopathic sibling so have experience of reading the signs.

OP your more recent reply on here - what he's said to you - those things are downright unacceptable and some would say abusive. He sounds manipulative and I think you should pack his bags and tell him he's out. Might knock some sense into him.

TBH, we get the child or children we create.

Fucking hell OP, I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time on here. I’ve always loved how supportive MN is of women in abusive relationships, it’s incredible. Yet here we have a woman who left after a relatively short time, an incredible achievement, and it’s apparently ok to give her a kicking for getting involved with him in the first place!!!

OP you sound incredible, you’re strong, brave and determined, clearly. I will never understand these women (and it does tend to be women sadly) who think they still need to wipe their 40 year old sons (because it does tend to be sons) arse for him. The whole point of raising children is to create healthy, self sufficient, capable adults. Cooking on demand for a obnoxious 17 year old is frankly pathetic and what leads to entitled spoilt men who see women as staff. I’m sorry to say you may be guilty of doing this for him in the past? It’s understandable, but completely right that you don’t intend to keep putting up with his treatment of you.

I’m sorry but I also find excuses about spending 3 years with an abusive man meaning he had no choice but to turn out like this, ridiculous. It’s only ever handed out as an excuse to badly behaved men. I had a fucking horrific childhood and left home and 16 with no decent eduction. Funnily enough I’ve never treated anyone in the same way, not even when I was a teenager, and I’ve certainly never had anyone make “allowances” for me because of my past.

I think you need to lay out some rules, if he wants to stay in YOUR house, he has to do X, Y and Z. If he doesn’t do this, you are not his doormat and will no longer offer him a roof over his head. He can go live with his dad, or get his own place. Then if he continues to disrespect you, he’s made his choice hasn’t he? It is not ok for him to treat his mum, or any woman like this, and he needs to see that you won’t stand for it.

@DelftChina helpful

It sounds like he's had everything handed to him hence why he feels entitled.
How often does he see his dad?
Boys don't tend to take there mums as seriously as there dad's and if he's not really had much of a father figure then that could be the reason he's walking all over you,
If his dad has been in the picture often I would get him to tell him he's not on and he needs to grow up! Kids are far too sheltered now a days! I got my first job at 12 the had 3 jobs at once by the time I was 16.

send him to his dad's.
he sounds horrible.