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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No Christmas gift for baby

82 replies

piyrwadgjl · 26/12/2019 21:47

It was my baby’s first Christmas and my in-laws didn’t give her any gift, which I found strange as they always send gifts to everyone in the family. Their reason was that they were disorganised and will send the baby something after Christmas. AIBU for feeling a bit hurt by this? I have a feeling it’s because we chose to spend Christmas with my family so my in-laws just didn’t bother. I know gifts shouldn’t be expected, I just though even a card or something for their first grandchild would be the norm? Or AIBU in feeling that this is a little strange?

OP posts:
NoSauce · 26/12/2019 21:49

How old is your baby?

Elbeagle · 26/12/2019 21:49

Well it’s my third baby’s first Christmas and I nearly forgot to get him anything! Just hadn’t occurred to me amongst everything else!
I guess they probably just thought that the baby won’t know/care when they get their gift.

Greggers2017 · 26/12/2019 21:50

It's my baby's first Christmas too. We actually told people not to buy her anything. Instead we agreed they'd buy her something when she needed it or we were given money for her bank account.
Babies have no idea what is happening and spending money on gifts isn't necessary.
When are you seeing your in-laws? Maybe they will give her something then?
Also do they work? My sister didn't get her December wage before Christmas, she will get it tomorrow so couldn't afford her a gift until she gets paid. Could that be why?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/12/2019 21:52

A token gift would have been nice but baby won’t know or care.

You can’t really complain they didn’t make the effort with babies first Christmas when you chose to not to visit so can’t have thought it was a big deal yourself.

Original poster
piyrwadgjl · 26/12/2019 21:53

Baby is6 months

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 26/12/2019 21:53

I think when it’s you’re first child you have a desire for everything to be picture book perfect. It’s a bit odd that they didn’t get round to it, but your baby certainly won’t notice.

burritofan · 26/12/2019 21:54

Babies don't need anything. My dad got DD something, realised she had something similar, and ended up getting her: "It's on the stairs with the receipt to return it, if it ever stops raining. Swap it for something you want. Oh look she's playing with my shoe."

Much happier with this than with SIL who got her more than we did, 99% of it tat we'll have to trek to the charity shop with.

Greggers2017 · 26/12/2019 21:54

@piyrwadgjl same age as mine. Congratulations! Great age isn't it!

Sagradafamiliar · 26/12/2019 21:55

What would a baby do with a present?

Original poster
piyrwadgjl · 26/12/2019 21:56

They live in a different country so we couldn’t visit easily, we are going next year. We also always send everyone individual gifts so it’s not a lack of thought on our behalf.

They have sufficient finances so money is not an issue. Might just be a different way of thinking. I’m just interested to hear others experiences as I thought it was a little odd.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 26/12/2019 21:56

Baby won't know or care. As long as they don't make a regular thing of it going forward then I wouldn't get too het up about it.

Under the age of 1 mine all preferred the wrapping paper or box to anything that might have been in them.

TobyTanker · 26/12/2019 21:58

A 6 month old doesn't care.

Houseinafield · 26/12/2019 21:59

I’d feel hurt by this, my in laws haven’t given DD gifts on her birthday some years, and every time it has hurt my feelings. I totally understand, it feels like they don’t give a shit and is bad grandparent form in my opinion! BUT, if your DD has one set of involved grandparents that’s great, and she won’t miss what she’s never had/isn’t aware of.
I agree that it’s a bit shitty, but probably nothing you can challenge and I’d approach next Christmas with low expectations; and if you’re pleasantly surprised then great!

Expressedways · 26/12/2019 21:59

You’re overthinking it. Baby has no idea it’s Christmas, can’t open a present and you weren’t even with the ILs on Christmas Day.

Khione · 26/12/2019 22:00

Your baby has no idea.

Any present, no matter how much for baby's use would really have been for you. I'm sure your baby had no idea about anything that was going on.

I think you need to get over it. What matters is that they are loving and caring as baby grows and is respectful of your position as parent.

Hopefully they will be seeing their grandchild soon and that's when you can tell if they care. Not by a Christmas present that the baby has no awareness of.

funmummy48 · 26/12/2019 22:02

You're being unreasonable I think, as they haven't forgotten, they've stated that they'll give her a gift after Christmas. This is sensible as it ensures they don't duplicate something she already has and they can give her something when she needs it. At 6 months, she doesn't needs loads of toys healed upon her.

ManiacalLapwing · 26/12/2019 22:03

They are a baby, they won't even know it's Christmas until they are at least two.

funmummy48 · 26/12/2019 22:03

Heaped on her..not healed!😐

Original poster
piyrwadgjl · 26/12/2019 22:04

@Greggers2017 thanks! It is a great age!

OP posts:
NoSauce · 26/12/2019 22:06

Is there a back story of you not liking them?

NeverTwerkNaked · 26/12/2019 22:07

The baby won't care in the slightest.

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 26/12/2019 22:07

That's not very natural. DM bought DS1 a huge pile of presents for this first Christmas. We hadn't been able to buy him any toys as we didn't have much money, and no one had thought to buy him any, so he was a bit overwhelmed at 3mo!

Original poster
piyrwadgjl · 26/12/2019 22:07

@Houseinafield yes, it’s not about the gift I just feel as though they don’t care about her. But I’m sure they do, they probably just have a different way of expressing it.

OP posts:
Khione · 26/12/2019 22:16

It's not that they don't care about her - they know she has no idea.

It's not even that they don't care about you - more that, you will have had loads of 'new baby' gifts, loads of Christmas gifts and then she's growing all the time and in a week or a month you will need something you haven't got. That is when they can be thoughtful and pay for what is needed.

NomNomNomNom · 26/12/2019 22:20

I don't think they don't care about her, since she's a baby it won't matter to her whether she gets a gift or not or at what time she gets it.