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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No Christmas gift for baby

82 replies

piyrwadgjl · 26/12/2019 21:47

It was my baby’s first Christmas and my in-laws didn’t give her any gift, which I found strange as they always send gifts to everyone in the family. Their reason was that they were disorganised and will send the baby something after Christmas. AIBU for feeling a bit hurt by this? I have a feeling it’s because we chose to spend Christmas with my family so my in-laws just didn’t bother. I know gifts shouldn’t be expected, I just though even a card or something for their first grandchild would be the norm? Or AIBU in feeling that this is a little strange?

OP posts:
naughtynelliesnunnie · 26/12/2019 23:25

Mumsnet really is a different world to what any of my family and friends inhabit Hmm

No OP, YANBU. My family would never leave out a grandchild/nephew/niece no matter their age. Of course the baby won't know - well durr - it's absolutely alien to me that I wouldn't buy a pressie - thankfully I don't live amongst those who are so rude/ignorant

TheClausSeason · 26/12/2019 23:30

thankfully I don't live amongst those who are so rude/ignorant

I'd like to say that all the people I know aren't materialistic and convinced that Christmas is about exchange of stuff. Sadly, that's not the case so my DD receives tonnes of plastic tat she doesn't need ever year because relatives feel it simply wouldn't do to not get her anything. Meanwhile, the landfills are getting larger and the Earth is in danger. I'd say avoid unnecessary gifting while you can get away with it. We need to get out of the mindset that stuff like this matters.

SecretNutellaFix · 26/12/2019 23:35

Every single one of my nephews got a present for their first Christmas. More than one, but they each had something that said "My First Christmas". Each also got a glass ornament with their names on for the Christmas tree from my mother and a beautiful teddy bear as well.

My sister uses the ornaments each year, they have their teddy bears on their beds and my sister has put away the MFC items in a memory box.

How can you forget to buy a present for a family member?

beelover · 26/12/2019 23:38

I have lots of grandchildren, more than ten of them with the youngest being only a few months old. I can't imagine ever forgetting to buy any of them a Christmas present.

AnAngryElf · 26/12/2019 23:42

My baby was 10 weeks old last Christmas. My in laws got him loads. Clothes, books, toys he'll like as he gets older. It's very bizarre OP and YANBU.

LumpyPillow · 26/12/2019 23:43

The sooner you get out your head that presents are highly important in life, the better. And that the world has to revolve around your baby. YOUR world can, other people's don't need to!
No one needs presents to be loved or important to someone. It's all very entitled. Most of us have become spoilt adult brats about gifts, for ourselves and our children. It's really strange. Love matters. It sounds like they love your baby as you mentioned them showing they care in different ways. True love and care is not a material item, yabu.

thistimelastweek · 26/12/2019 23:48

@TheClausSeason funnily enough I agree. I am actually anti-stuff.

Doesn't mean you can't welcome a valuable member of your family with meaningful useful stuff.

naughtynelliesnunnie · 26/12/2019 23:51

*TheClausSeason Thu 26-Dec-19 23:30:53
thankfully I don't live amongst those who are so rude/ignorant

I'd like to say that all the people I know aren't materialistic and convinced that Christmas is about exchange of stuff. Sadly, that's not the case so my DD receives tonnes of plastic tat she doesn't need ever year because relatives feel it simply wouldn't do to not get her anything.*

It isn't an 'either/or* My family aren't 'materialistic' and we certainly don't buy I certainly don't buy 'plastic tat'.

It's not about the present and the OP hasn't come across in that way - just hurt that her baby has been ignored - I found strange as they always send gifts to everyone in the family.

naughtynelliesnunnie · 26/12/2019 23:55

LumpyPillow Thu 26-Dec-19 23:43:52
The sooner you get out your head that presents are highly important in life, the better. And that the world has to revolve around your baby.

Oh fgs give your head a wobble - nowhere in the OP has she come across as presents are highly important or that the world revolves around her baby - sensing some 'issues' lumpy?

BackforGood · 27/12/2019 00:04

The fact they are in a different country is pretty relevant.

No much point in trying to choose something which they might struggle to 'get right', then trying to post it, when the baby will have no idea about it.

LumpyPillow · 27/12/2019 00:08

The OP has had a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why they haven't sent a gift, and considering that and the fact that they feel 'hurt' by it and have posted about it, yeah, I'd say that they are basing far too much worth on a physical item to show love/care.
Umm, what kind of 'issues'? What, because of my opinion I must hate babies or and all gift giving?

Havaina · 27/12/2019 00:50

Did you post gifts to your in-laws OP?

user1477391263 · 27/12/2019 00:57

OP, you do sound rather hard work. Christmas is a busy time and things get forgotten. Getting bent out of shape because something comes late is oversensitive and a bit grabby, frankly.

Original poster
piyrwadgjl · 27/12/2019 05:35

@Havaina yes I did.

I’m not overly concerned about the lack of a gift, just felt a little sad on Christmas day that there was nothing from his grandparents (even a card etc), as they bought other family members gifts but not the baby. But it’s no matter in the scheme of things, just interested to see what others would think in the same situation.

OP posts:
rwalker · 27/12/2019 05:45

TBH I be pleased baby won't care and not wanting to sound ungrateful but grandparents used to turn it with piles of stuff that you had to find room for .
Always want kids to have few good toys so they knew the value of stuff and how wasteful having pile of stuff never used and end up in the bin.

SimonJT · 27/12/2019 05:53

Buying a gift for a baby is a bit pointless.

Buying things for someone does not in anyway show that you care about them, money does not buy or show love.

eaglejulesk · 27/12/2019 06:23

I agree with those who say you shouldn't equate caring with gifts. A six month old knows nothing about Christmas and no doubt got lots of gifts at birth. They said they will give the baby something later, so be content with that.

I don't see the issue to be honest.

Whatnameisgood · 27/12/2019 06:41

I didn’t get either of my babies a first Christmas present and told my family not to worry either. They didn’t need anyand it’s one less thing for people to worry about.

Whatnameisgood · 27/12/2019 06:42

Meant to say - babies didn’t need anything

HoppingPavlova · 27/12/2019 07:10

We didn’t get our first anything for first Xmas or birthday. It would have been pointless. Told others not to bother as well but a few people did.

When they were 2yo we have them a big ball wrapped in about 10 layers of paper for a gift, kept them amused for ages. Also we kept aside a few large boxes and gave them those, they had a great time with themGrin. Never gave them a ‘proper’ gift until 3yo. Of course, throughout the year they got whatever they needed when they needed it.

We couldn’t do this with subsequent kids once we introduced Santa to the oldest. It would have been strange that Santa didn’t get younger sibling/s a gift so we spun the story that Santa only brings 1 thing for babies. Then encourage older kids to give younger kids their wrapping paper and boxes to play withGrin.

I won’t be getting babies/young toddlers a gift when I’m a grandparent considering I didn’t see the point for my own kids.

Hollywolly1 · 27/12/2019 07:21

I find it really odd not to send the baby a gift especially the grandparents, is there any chance the gift got lost in the post

Hollywolly1 · 27/12/2019 07:25

Just seeing that they said they will give the baby something later,I still find it strange because I'd always buy for a baby

Blackbear19 · 27/12/2019 07:34

OP I'm totally with you I'd be hurt. And was hurt when the ILs forgot my baby everyone else who bought for DS1 managed to get my baby something.

I really don't get the logic that babies don't need things, actually they probably need more than most adults or older children.
6mth old is ready for weaning so plates, cutlery, bigger bibs, they grow so fast even a pack of pjs would be nice or even a toy!

Baby won't have a clue about Christmas but neither do Cats and Dogs but people buy for them.

HoppingPavlova · 27/12/2019 07:35

neither do Cats and Dogs but people buy for them.

Which is also really weird.

BoxedWine · 27/12/2019 08:02

No OP, YANBU. My family would never leave out a grandchild/nephew/niece no matter their age. Of course the baby won't know - well durr - it's absolutely alien to me that I wouldn't buy a pressie - thankfully I don't live amongst those who are so rude/ignorant

Imagine boasting about being this ridiculous.

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