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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find it rude to reload the dishwasher?

96 replies

BishBashBosch · 26/12/2019 17:36

At in laws. Helping out by doing little chores. After loading the dishwasher I found MIL taking out most of the dirty crockery and cutlery I'd loaded, so she can reload the dishwasher the way she likes it.

Yes it is her house but I find it rude and discouraging - what is the point in helping if it gets undone?

I have decades of dishwasher loading experience in my own home and my washes usually come out fine.

OP posts:

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 26/12/2019 17:38

If that's the worst your MIL does, I'd not stress over it. She knows her dishwasher and how things fit into it, and if she wants to waste time and energy doing it her way, let her get on with it.

Ritascornershop · 26/12/2019 17:38

I have been known to rearrange the occasional dish when my kids load it - not because I think they won’t get clean but because they might get chipped.

00100001 · 26/12/2019 17:39

Well, next time just leave it in the side.

My DH loads the dishwasher "wrongly" ..puts the bowls in the wrong place, puts the utensils in the wrong side, spreads the mugs out willy nilly.

Makes it a PITA for unloading!

SucculentCandle · 26/12/2019 17:39

I have my way of doing it so I tend to do the same as your MiL. I do appreciate the effort though.

What I don't like it people "helping out" by unloading the dishwasher without washing their hands first.

letmeinthroughyourwindow · 26/12/2019 17:40

Was she reorganising to get a few extra things in?

Maybe someone else had incorrectly added a few things since you loaded it?

I'm sure she didn't expect you to see so try not to let it bother you.

Stegosaurus1990 · 26/12/2019 17:40

I do this. I think you know how best to load your dishwasher to maximise the space.

NomNomNomNom · 26/12/2019 17:42

I think people are just possessive over the dish washer you won't have done it badly just not how she likes it done. Next time don't bother loading it. I on the other hand bloody love it when someone else does the washing up for me. As long as they don't smash all my best plates they can load it whatever way they like.

SureTry · 26/12/2019 17:42

I do this. It's because I know how to pack it to maximise space. There really is no need to take any offence over this.

ineedaholidaynow · 26/12/2019 17:47

DH does this to me, but he seems to be better at getting more in than me, so if there is a lot to load I leave him to it

koshkat · 26/12/2019 17:51

Is this really a big deal? Let her crack on!

Yeahnah2020 · 26/12/2019 17:53

She sounds like a control freak! Tell her to get a life!

JudyDenchsBloomers · 26/12/2019 17:56

Not quite same situation, but DSil re-folds all the washing I've folded when I visit her (quite chaotic) house.

I thought this was rude, but she carried on without a second thought, carried on chatting etc, so perhaps it's us OP!

sarahjconnor · 26/12/2019 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hingeandbracket · 26/12/2019 18:08

I've stopped loading the dishwasher at parents as I can't do it how they expect - no-one seems to mind.

WillowSummerSloth · 26/12/2019 18:09

I agree OP. Even though everyone has their own way of doing the dishwasher and thinks they know best, it's far more gracious to leave it 'incorrectly' loaded. Not a huge insult, but rude nonetheless

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 26/12/2019 18:09

Sometimes things fit better in a dishwasher in a certain way and you get to know how your plates and stuff fit best into your dishwasher. This is why I leave stuff next to the dishwasher in someone else's house unless there are already identical items in there.

TheHootiestChristmasOwl · 26/12/2019 18:11

I did this yesterday, MIL had loaded it badly. She hadn’t maximised any space and most of the bottom shelf was empty. So I reorganised it so I didn’t have to run it twice.

Tarttlet · 26/12/2019 18:11

@JudyDenchsBloomers why were you folding her laundry?

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 26/12/2019 18:12

Sometimes I rearrange my own dishwasher when I've loaded it 😂

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 26/12/2019 18:14

Unless she took the dishes out, threw them at your head while calling you a useless twat, I don’t see the issue. My youngest loads the dishwasher and I move things around because it’s my dishwasher and I know what way the dishes wash best in it. She certainly doesn’t get offended. I just swap a few things around and job done. Maybe she wants to tell you that she finds the way you load the dishwasher a pain in the ass, but doesn’t want you to be really sensitive and offended. The irony, ehh!

Snowpatrolling · 26/12/2019 18:15

My grandma does the same with me! Lol!
I do it funny! So now I ask if she wants me to do it or ask her where she likes things!

GetTheSprinkles · 26/12/2019 18:15

I could have written this post OP! My MIL does this and I find it so disrespectful; makes me feel as though she thinks I can't do a basic task correctly : /

slipperywhensparticus · 26/12/2019 18:16

Ex mil used to remove everything wash it up by hand and reload it and wash it in the dishwasher even if it was one bowl one spoon and one cup and she rewashed all my washing using enough washing powder that it acted like starch...🙇‍♀️

Ohdearohdearyme · 26/12/2019 18:16

Is this a reverse?

notangelinajolie · 26/12/2019 18:16

I know how to load my own dishwasher properly because I'm the one that always unloads it. If it's not done in a certain way it doesn't wash properly. I always have to move pots around before I set it off. I don't think you should be offended and YABU.

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