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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it rude to reload the dishwasher?

96 replies

BishBashBosch · 26/12/2019 17:36

At in laws. Helping out by doing little chores. After loading the dishwasher I found MIL taking out most of the dirty crockery and cutlery I'd loaded, so she can reload the dishwasher the way she likes it.

Yes it is her house but I find it rude and discouraging - what is the point in helping if it gets undone?

I have decades of dishwasher loading experience in my own home and my washes usually come out fine.

OP posts:
PassMeAnotherCoffee · 26/12/2019 18:40

I often re-load mine just before setting it off, as I h add in one 'last' thing, and then another two. You know your own dishwasher (mine has a bit that doesn't get clean for some odd reason) and you stack around that. I often reload stuff I put in myself earlier, as the later additions mean it's no longer the most efficient stack. Surely that's normal?

MiniGuinness · 26/12/2019 18:42

My mum practically washes up before putting in her brand new dishwasher. I leave her to it now.

MissClareRemembers · 26/12/2019 18:42

My MIL once watched me bring in and fold a load of washing from the line, including lots of pairs of socks. Next thing I knew she’d refolded all the socks in the ‘correct’ way.

I had to work very hard to resist the urge to refold them again.

LaurieMarlow · 26/12/2019 18:43

I would not die on this hill OP.

blackcat86 · 26/12/2019 18:43

The dishwasher wars are raging in our house. Dh rearranges bowls so they're all on top of each other for some reason and it drives me insane. He thinks that's how they should be and huffs about when I've loaded the dishwasher. They dont wash properly and I then find them with crud on the sides. He just puts them away without checking they're clean so wouldn't know this. Anyway, it's their dishwasher so who cares if she wants to reload it. Maybe they know what washes best in which bit because all appliances are slightly different.

LolaSmiles · 26/12/2019 18:44

Unless there's something specifically wrong (eg knowing a particular pan only washes well in one location/things are stacked do tight that it won't wash well) then rearranging the dishwasher is one of those passive aggressive behaviours a lot of the time.
I feel the same when parents / parents in law expect help over Christmas but then tut if it not perfectly how they'd do jobs, how "if you want a job doing best fo it yourself" etc, so people don't bother in future and then they complain that they've been ever so busy, rushing around looking after everyone, and so on.

phoenixrosehere · 26/12/2019 18:46

Not like she asked you to do it from the sounds of it.

You could have asked where she would like them instead of loading the dishwasher.

I change things in the dishwasher if someone else puts things in because often people tend to place them in wrong not taking into account how high something is where the plastic water bit on the top rack won’t be able to spin, have placed dishes on top of each other where they won’t get clean, placed heavily soiled dishes on the top instead of the bottom, not rinsed the heavily soiled dishes meaning the filter is going to get clogged, or have put items in that don’t need to be in there.

I know the ins and outs of our dishwasher. I know how to place things in and fill it to its capacity without having to redo a cycle or have to hand wash items afterwards. I have guests leave items next to the sink of course but that is ignored because they want to “help” and put them in anyway.

JudyDenchsBloomers · 26/12/2019 18:48

Tarttlet because she asked me to.

cookiemonster5 · 26/12/2019 18:50

I had my parents and in-laws round tonight. It's an unwritten rule you never load another persons dishwasher. Everyone said they would pass me the dishes so I could load it however I liked. It's not rude to reload it it's just personal preference.

Tillytess · 26/12/2019 18:52

Doing the dishes in my mother in laws house was something you merely aspired to. She had a whole system based on how much she liked you, if she liked you. It took me 5 years to progress to drying the dishes. She let me put the good cutlery away once and every second was torture for her . Only my SIL was allowed to do it after that. What a legend...

MrsFrankDrebin · 26/12/2019 18:53

I must admit to being a dishwasher 'rearranger' (not a 'reloader' in its entirety though) because my family seem to think anything placed in it is glued in place, and cannot be moved to facilitate a more practical arrangement! It drives me nuts!

However, while they should know better by now (after several years of 'being told/shown'!) I would let it go with a visitor who didn't know any better. After all, it's not the end of the world to put on the dishwasher more than once a day (if needed) just to keep the peace if the other 360-odd days a year you can do it 'your way'. Xmas Smile

WarmSausageTea · 26/12/2019 18:55

DP is a dishwasher rearranger, but we always tell guests (and regular visitors know), and we take care of the clearing away ourselves. It’s nice when people offer to help, but sometimes the actual help does one job and makes another.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 26/12/2019 18:59

Next time just do it properly Wink

Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/12/2019 19:01

I don't have a dishwasher, but DD22 rehangs all the washing after I've pegged it up, prefers to wash our dishes herself and only this week wrote me detailed instructions on how to operate our washing machine .... I choose my battles. Some people are very particular.

zasknbg · 26/12/2019 19:02

Yabu
People load dishwashers very differently. There have even been programmes on TV about this.

Let her do her dishwasher how she wants.

If things are too close then they can chip or not wash properly. She knows her dishwasher, let her get on with it.

sonjadog · 26/12/2019 19:05

I reload my dishwasher when people have put stuff in it. If it isn't loaded a certain way, all the dishes won't be cleaned. I am pretty sure that my friends and family also do the same with their dishwashers. Never occurred to me that it could be take as a personal slight. I wouldn't get worked up about this one, OP.

livefornaps · 26/12/2019 19:07

Take a shit in her dishwasher

NoParticularPattern · 26/12/2019 19:10

Sorry but I do this. I know my crockery, cutlery and dishwasher thei best and I know what order things need to be in to come out clean. I’ve had many combinations and the solution isn’t the same in all dishwashers or with all my stuff. Just because your way works for your set up doesn’t mean it does for hers. If this is all she does then count yourself lucky.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 26/12/2019 19:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ButterflyBook · 26/12/2019 19:15

I'm a rearranger as well but it's usually after my DH but sometimes even when I've done it myself - to fit in extra items. Despite having had a dishwasher for 20+ years, no guests have ever loaded it which is just the way I like it.

PrtScn · 26/12/2019 19:15

YABU, I always unload and reload the dishwasher when my partner fills it, as he doesn’t do it properly.

DrDreReturns · 26/12/2019 19:17

DW does this to me! Not a biggie imo.

CFlemingSmith · 26/12/2019 19:17

Get over it.

coconuttelegraph · 26/12/2019 19:18

Take a shit in her dishwasher

Did you get confused and think you were posting on Facebook? What a stupid comment.

peanutbutterkid · 26/12/2019 19:19

This is on the list why I want to divorce current H. It's a waste of time for me to load it up unless I run it immediately (nor should I unload it, he also rearranges items I put away; very fussy about how the cereal bowls stack).

I am, btw, the only one who ever cleans inside or cleans the arms & filters on the DWr, or puts salt in it.

Hands up: who else insists that all saucers /small plates must go on the top level?

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