To find it rude to reload the dishwasher?

[BishBashBosch]

At in laws. Helping out by doing little chores. After loading the dishwasher I found MIL taking out most of the dirty crockery and cutlery I'd loaded, so she can reload the dishwasher the way she likes it.

Yes it is her house but I find it rude and discouraging - what is the point in helping if it gets undone?

I have decades of dishwasher loading experience in my own home and my washes usually come out fine.

I do this, but I also say to guests thank you for offering to help but I'll do it. Only because it's an old one and if things aren't loaded quite right then they aren't properly cleaned. I wouldn't take it personally, just don't do it next time.

Unless she took the dishes out, threw them at your head while calling you a useless twat, I don’t see the issue.

Best comment. My thoughts exactly.

When we get a new dishwasher it is a new challenge to find the best way to stack it. OH stacks it in such a way glasses get broken he really does not understand it so I always rearrange safely. Nothing personal just do not like fishing glass fragments out of the bottom of the machine, he actually buggered the pump on the last one with shards of glass.

YABU. I sometimes rearrange the dishwasher when DW has loaded it, she puts cups and bowls in the 'wrong' place and sometimes they don't come out clean.

Yesterday my brother loaded the dishwasher, my sister reloaded it, I came in and saw what she’d done and reloaded it again. It’s my dishwasher, I was going to be emptying it! Did she huff and get offended and start a thread on here? Doubt it. She said “do it the way it works best, want me to wash the pans”? Cos she’s a fucking grown up and help us only helpful if it works for the host.

In the words of Elsa, Let It Go-ooooo!

However, when your DH reorganises the dishwasher.....

But how do you actually break glass in one??!

It depends - did she ask you to do it? If yes then she is unreasonable. If no then let it go - I personally hate it when guests take it upon themselves to ‘help’, guests are guests and I like them to relax and enjoy themselves, and maybe help with little things I ask them to.

YABU! My parents/ILs overload our dishwasher (they both have much newer/fancier ones at home!) so I always rearrange when they load it...wish they’d take the hint!

Your MIL knows her own dishwasher best. It's not helpful if she has to run it twice because things haven't washed properly or you've only fitted half a load in. Tbh I see her point.

That’s why I don’t move a finger at my mother’s house unless she is not around. There’s no way to keep her happy. I would only do the washing up if I am sure I can get everything washed and back in the cupboards before she notices it otherwise I am up for an hour of micromanagement and complaining.

Now she gets annoyed I don’t help enough, but that way I don’t feel she is annoyed AND ungrateful.

an imperfectly stacked dishwasher once in a while never killed anyone.

Tbh my parents are the same. Loads of people are really particular about how they like their dishwater loaded.

Why don’t you simply scrap and rinse the dishes and stack them I’m the sink, so she can load. My boys are home for Christmas and do that. It’s a great help, without them annoying me by wrongly loading it.

Depends how bad you’d stacked it.

I’m pretty shit at this tbf and after years of DH re stacking it because the pots would come out dirty, I never stack now.

Honestly I wouldn’t worry.. but I wouldn’t bother helping with loading it next time. People are weird about their dishwashers. Seems to be a thing!

Oh dear. This is me to a tee! No matter who has loaded my dish washer, I have to rearrange most things, otherwise it doesnt clean everything properly.

I did exactly this because my brother didn't load it correctly (according to me) as I have cooked 4 days of meals so far I have every right!

I always reload it. DH just sort of piles things in so half of them don’t even get clean. I often reload it after I’ve done it too!

I would just say ‘oh sorry how do you like it stacked?’ And try to do it that way next time.

Certain plates have to go in specific places in our dishwasher or the arms don't spin and nothing washes properly and glasses must be stacked right or they fall over. Maybe your MIL has a similar issue with hers, I wouldn't take it personally.

What I don't like it people "helping out" by unloading the dishwasher without washing their hands first.

IdiotInDisguise Actually, I admit that I stopped helping at the IL as every bit of help I did was wrong- wrong cupboard, wrong shelf in the fridge, not rinsed in the correct way, not stacked in the right order, not in the right bins (tho these seemed variable...) - MIL, FIL, BIL (40+, SAH); they had choreographed the family dinner ballet to such an extent, there was no room for me.

So I sat out and watched telly.

Didn't stop BIL bitching about me a couple of times, down the line, tho!

Yeah I do this as well. So many dishwasher loading idiots about. Bet you made an absolute hash of it OP. Dishwasher incompetents are rarely aware of their own inferior loading skills, IME.

DH always reloads after I've loaded it. Once he even stopped it once I'd started it off to reload it. I couldn't give a shit.

I wouldn’t read too much into this. I’m sure no rudeness was intended. It’s just that the plates never get stacked on that side and you put the bowls in the wrong place.