Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To find it rude to reload the dishwasher?

96 replies

BishBashBosch · 26/12/2019 17:36

At in laws. Helping out by doing little chores. After loading the dishwasher I found MIL taking out most of the dirty crockery and cutlery I'd loaded, so she can reload the dishwasher the way she likes it.

Yes it is her house but I find it rude and discouraging - what is the point in helping if it gets undone?

I have decades of dishwasher loading experience in my own home and my washes usually come out fine.

OP posts:

DappledThings · 26/12/2019 19:19

DH reloads ours all the time. I can't see what he thinks is different about the way he's done it or bother finding out. He likes loading and unloading it so he cracks on.

What I don't like it people "helping out" by unloading the dishwasher without washing their hands first
This however is bonkers.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 26/12/2019 19:22

'Dishwasher Culture' seems to be a very personal thing. I put it down to the fact that you wouldn't rearrange the clothes in their wardrobe or how things are put away in their fridge or the things in the kitchen cupboard.

It's a 'territory dispute' pretty much IMO.

(We don't use our dishwasher. However, this morning, I did drain the stagnant water from the bottom of it this morning. I used soapy water to wash the slime from it and tried not to gag on the stink of stagnant water. There's a problem with the a blocked drain. We will contact some one about it tomorrow.)

Vanhi · 26/12/2019 19:24

an imperfectly stacked dishwasher once in a while never killed anyone.

Has done, actually. www.theguardian.com/uk/2003/may/29/kirstyscott

I wouldn't worry about it OP. I reload dishwashers because other people do it wrong. The more you can get in, the better in terms of electricity and water consumption. Some people are shit at this.

JigsawsAreInPieces · 26/12/2019 19:30

My ex would put bowls in the dishwasher the same way they would be on the table with cereal in. Cups and mugs upright too. He often wondered why they just gathered cruddy water instead of coming out clean.

I used to speed pack the dishwasher before he realised it needed doing to avoid running it twice each time.

DDIJ · 26/12/2019 19:31

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

PositiveVibez · 26/12/2019 19:35

There is definitely personal ways to load a dishwasher. I can't stand the way DH loads it. Everything in the wrong place for optimal cleaning.

I always swap stuff round and if I loaded someone's dishwasher in their home, I wouldn't find it rude if they rearranged it as they know their dishwasher.

DDIJ · 26/12/2019 19:37

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Leaannb · 26/12/2019 20:10

Why would you be folding other people's laundry? Especially if they didn't ask you to fold their laundry. Reasons like these is why I have a rule they go no further than the living room,powder room or dining room

livefornaps · 26/12/2019 20:53

I was being serious about taking a shit, y'all

dudsville · 26/12/2019 20:55

Don't worry op, whether it is a snub or not doesn't matter, it's bir a thing worthy id too much thinking about.

nevergotthehangofturkeys · 26/12/2019 20:59

My DH does this (I call it crockery-folding). It means the kids don't bother putting the dishes in the dishwasher because 'it's going to be rearranged anyway, so what's the point?' 🤷‍♀️

lilgreen · 26/12/2019 21:02

What I don't like it people "helping out" by unloading the dishwasher without washing their hands first.

I never wash my hands before unloading the dishwasher.

Oysterbabe · 26/12/2019 21:19

What I don't like it people "helping out" by unloading the dishwasher without washing their hands first.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is nuts. Every day on mumsnet I discover a new way in which I am a filthy slattern.

lljkk · 26/12/2019 22:03

This thread reminds me that when I was a kid, if I was ever cooking anything, my older brothers would come in & try to take over, or at least comment at great length how I was doing it wrong.

This annoyed me enormously. I didn't notice them doing it to anyone in the household, just to little sister. I choose not to live with them, too!

LolaSmiles · 26/12/2019 22:20

DH does this (I call it crockery-folding). It means the kids don't bother putting the dishes in the dishwasher because 'it's going to be rearranged anyway, so what's the point?'
I'm with the kids in this one.

It's why I have little sympathy for situations where posters complain their DP/DH/DC don't do lots of chores, but then also complain that they never do them properly (usually followed by lots of cheerleading about how DP/DH is a man child who is pretending to be incompetent by deliberately doing a rubbish job in order to avoid wife work). By page 4 it turns out that not doing things properly actually means 'I have a set way I want to approach chores so even though there's loads of other valid ways I will nit pick and nag and criticise and then will complain when they don't bother in future'.

Some DP/DH are manchildren who are feckless and want to avoid household responsibilities, but every week MN I realise there's yet another minor household task to be uptight and unreasonable about

LaurieMarlow · 26/12/2019 22:22

What I don't like it people "helping out" by unloading the dishwasher without washing their hands first.

This site sometimes.

yomellamoHelly · 26/12/2019 22:26

My MIL does this. We no longer attempt to load it / make a start on clearing. She prefers hand-washing everything too. Drives me mad at our house. All feels very unnecessary

FizzyIce · 26/12/2019 22:31

It’s not rude , you must have loaded it wrong. I’d do the same if I saw someone loading it inefficiently

LolaSmiles · 26/12/2019 22:41

It’s not rude , you must have loaded it wrong
Some people's definition of wrong is 'any way that isn't my preferred way of doing a task" though.
One of my friends doesn't 'let' her DP and kids pack or put the shopping away because they will do it "wrong".
Another one of my friends won't clean the kitchen and her DH does it all because he has a set way of running and cleaning the kitchen that he gets stressed out if she does it. There's nothing wrong with my friend's way of cleaning and doing dishes. It's just not her DH's way.

When we have family for food and people chip in to clean up after then unless there's a situation where something won't wash a certain way then I let people get on with it . When we go to theirs the same principle appliesll. Life is too short to nit pick over preferred stacking systems.

calmama · 26/12/2019 22:48

YABU.

I seriously, seriously dislike my MIL. For very good reasons I won’t go into. It’s so bad now everything she does aggravates me no end.

That being said if she reloaded her own dishwasher after I had done it it wouldn’t occur to me to be offended. It’s her house, her way of doing things. Of course I respect that about she and her house, she not so much about me and my house. And husband. And child. And dog. And career. And life. And nationality. And beliefs...

Choose your battles, OP. It could be much, much worse. Trust me.

saraclara · 26/12/2019 22:59

I do this too. It's amazing how different dishwashers can be from each other. When I got my latest one I had to re-learn how to stack it because the racks were nothing like the one I had before it.
And yes, I rearrange my own stacking - especially when I've had a lot of visitors so have more to put in than usual, or someone helping out arrives in the kitchen with some more things that I hadn't accounted for.
It's not insulting. I appreciate the help, but I know how my dishwasher works best

Flip

1 2 3 4