Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Feel Differently about my Friend?

96 replies

Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:22

I have a friend who I've known all my life but she is driving me mad with social media posting. She documents every area of her life on instagram and facebook...most days there are pictures of what her and the kids and her husband are up to but she seems to be getting more and more desperate for 'likes'. She has told me that she has subscribed to services that chart your instagram impressions and metrics (Don't understand what this is but I think to do with how many people see your posts) and also a service that tells you when someone follows or unfollows. She's not trying to make a career out of social media - both partners have good jobs. Most days the posts are about the kids and how clever they are - they will pose doing homework and smiling sweetly, playing chess (one is 3) or especially when there are merits from nursery, achievement certificates etc....
There are loads of 'boy done good' posts too about her husband and what things he's done.

I'm sure your question is ....and why does this affect you? Well you'd be right to ask because I'm not sure why I'm quite so annoyed by it but really I don't feel like I know my friend anymore....even though I 'know' her more than ever with her life sharing. The posts I see though are just not the friend I once knew...she used to quietly smash goals and achievements without making it so public and I feel like I've lost some of her. She often texts to ask me if I've seen her latest insta and what did I think? At one point I stopped going on facebook altogether last year for about 5 months and she asked why I'd not been liking her posts and I said I was having a break and she actually fell out with me for a few weeks and then admitted after a while that it was because I wasn't interested in her anymore....and when I asked why she thought this she said because I don't comment on her facebook updates.

Am I being a k*ob?

OP posts:
KaptenKrusty · 26/12/2019 15:27

She sounds crazy! I’d deffo be backing away from her a bit.

I had a friend I have completely cut contact with now - she went mental when I deleted my Facebook - claiming I didn’t quit I just blocked her etc - she’d get super jealous if she saw a post of me with anyone else as well - comment things like ohh thanks for the invite..so weird!

I think people like this have a few things going on - addiction to social media and a need for the likes etc - and also a bit insecure - it’s super draining though ! I can’t be dealing with it

thickwoollytights · 26/12/2019 15:29

You're not a knob but then neither is she. You've grown apart and your interests are different now. Move on , but kindly. No need for a show down or judgement.

Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:31

@KaptenKrusty oh thank you for the comment....I was expecting loads of YABU's about me being a crap friend. She definitely has an addiction to social media but she can't see it at all.....In the Summer they went away for a week and she was posting everyday about how the kids didn't use an iPad for the whole week as they were having too much fun in the outdoors.....she genuinely didn't see the irony in the fact that she and her husband were both putting out several posts and pictures a day of their children 'not' using ipads!

OP posts:
autumndreaming · 26/12/2019 15:32

That's a sad life she's leading. People who are like this on social media are generally overcompensating for something, or at least that's the impression they give

Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:32

@thickwoollytightsI think you're right...I'm sad though as I miss who she used to be....she probably feels the same about me....or maybe wishes I would move into the social media world with her

OP posts:
TonTonMacoute · 26/12/2019 15:32

Unfollow her so you can't see what she posts and take it from there.

Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:34

@autumndreaming yes I feel like this too but then I question myself in case I'm 'just jealous' of her lovely life

OP posts:
Meegeemoogee · 26/12/2019 15:34

I'd be concerned about a friend who suddenly started behaving this way. It would drive me a big crazy if people were texting me to ask if I'd seen their latest social media post and it would change my opinion of them. I have friends who, if they did this, it wouldn't be that our of character but they have enough self awareness that I could tell them they are being ott. If a friend started doing this and it was out of character I'd be concerned about them.

Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:35

@TonTonMacoute That's probably a great solution.....if she is offended by the unfollowing then the friendship is no longer meant to be if she can't remain friends 'offline'

OP posts:
CoffeeCoinnesseur · 26/12/2019 15:36

I lost a friend when I unfollowed the Instagram account she'd made for her children... quite frankly I don't want to see a photo of the child's first shit in a potty. And the "making memories" posts got really tedious - the only "memories" she's making are mummy shoving a phone in the kids faces to get the perfect photo for the 'gram.

Anyway, I didn't say anything, just quietly 'unfollowed' the account one day and all hell broke loose. She also had one of those apps that tracks who has unfollowed you Confused and that was that. She went beserk at me.

The most genuinely happy people I know irl hardly post on social media at all.

Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:36

@Meegeemoogee it's been a gradual thing really so it's not come on suddenly. Her husband was very big into facebook when they met and she was so-so but over the last 5-6 years her posts have slowly become more often

OP posts:
TheOldGreenElf · 26/12/2019 15:37

There are a few people on my fb like this, and I'm sure they've only added me for likes.

Insecurity is loud.

redcarbluecar · 26/12/2019 15:37

She does sound a bit much. I’d certainly hide her from my newsfeed if she posts several times a day. Are you able to be honest with her that the avalanche of postings feels a bit OTT? I think I’d be able to say that to a good friend.

Theroigne · 26/12/2019 15:39

YANBU, it’s why I came of social media and never looked back.

Theroigne · 26/12/2019 15:39

*off

TreeTopTim · 26/12/2019 15:39

I often wonder if people who overshare and post constant happy upbeat look at how wonderful our family is posts are trying to overcompensate for something missing in their lives.

Meegeemoogee · 26/12/2019 15:40

Then it sounds as though you have grown apart and I understand you being sad about losing your friend. Could you address this with her? Tell her you miss her?

Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:41

@CoffeeCoinnesseur wow this all sounds very similar. I'm so sad as she is such a lovely person, her kids and good kids and she just doesn't 'need' to do this in my opinion. I know she is happily married and she really doesn't need to thrust it in peoples faces so I can't understand it at all. I've seen the reality of the insta posts though....when I've been out with the kids the hundreds of 'takes' they have to pose for and we've had a pretty shitty day out once where she lost her purse and cried but the post that made it to insta was all about the wonderful day we'd had....I think the answer is going to be unfollowing for me as I just can't carry on feeling so disappointed by it all....sorry to hear yo lost your friend because of this....it might be where I'm headed too

OP posts:
Mincepieandtrifle · 26/12/2019 15:41

I have a friend who is constantly postingwhat she's doing. Also constant 'shit' posts from other websites that are meant to be funny. I just think if you're having such a great time then why are you spending it posting on Facebook or spending time searching for these supposedly funny posts. This is at all hours every single day. Most of it isn't really that she's having a good time because she later lets slip about the event she went to that we spent ages stuck in traffic etc etc or dcs were arguing /moaning etc. I get fed up with the notifications tbh. I don't need to know what others are doing. It's fake book anyway. It seems that all these people do is spend hours everyday on their phone searching and posting. So how's that for a great time then? I just don't get it. I'm not interested in what their dcs are doing anymore than they are mine. It's filling a void. Sorry I'll get off my soapbox nowGrin

itsgettingweird · 26/12/2019 15:41

Believe me you're not the knob here!

She fell out with you because you didn't like her FB posts? Surely you discuss these things through normal conversations if she needs your comment on them?

I think I'd just tell your friend you like her for who she is and not what she does. If she wants a friend who likes her shell then she's right you need to go your separate ways.

Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:42

@TheOldGreenElf this is so true and a really good thing to keep in mind

OP posts:
Motoko · 26/12/2019 15:43

She sounds deeply insecure. I wonder what's going on in her marriage behind closed doors (or rather, behind the camera).

You should try talking to her, ask her what's going on, why has she become so obsessed with getting the likes. Tell her this isn't the person she used to be, and that you're worried about her.

But, ultimately, if she can't see it, or admit to it, you'll just have to take a step back and let her get on with it. If she falls out with you because you're not liking her posts, then so be it. Maybe she'll come to her senses in the future, and then you can get back on track.

Mincepieandtrifle · 26/12/2019 15:44

Exactly OP. Obvs thinking the same then

JemSynergy · 26/12/2019 15:44

I always find the people who over share and post are usually very unhappy in their real lives. I think most people are now realising that it is wise to keep most
of their life away from social media.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/12/2019 15:44

Sounds like she's become obsessed with it. Why should you have to spend your precious spare time looking at and liking what she has posted on SM? Bore off....