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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Feel Differently about my Friend?

96 replies

Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:22

I have a friend who I've known all my life but she is driving me mad with social media posting. She documents every area of her life on instagram and facebook...most days there are pictures of what her and the kids and her husband are up to but she seems to be getting more and more desperate for 'likes'. She has told me that she has subscribed to services that chart your instagram impressions and metrics (Don't understand what this is but I think to do with how many people see your posts) and also a service that tells you when someone follows or unfollows. She's not trying to make a career out of social media - both partners have good jobs. Most days the posts are about the kids and how clever they are - they will pose doing homework and smiling sweetly, playing chess (one is 3) or especially when there are merits from nursery, achievement certificates etc....
There are loads of 'boy done good' posts too about her husband and what things he's done.

I'm sure your question is ....and why does this affect you? Well you'd be right to ask because I'm not sure why I'm quite so annoyed by it but really I don't feel like I know my friend anymore....even though I 'know' her more than ever with her life sharing. The posts I see though are just not the friend I once knew...she used to quietly smash goals and achievements without making it so public and I feel like I've lost some of her. She often texts to ask me if I've seen her latest insta and what did I think? At one point I stopped going on facebook altogether last year for about 5 months and she asked why I'd not been liking her posts and I said I was having a break and she actually fell out with me for a few weeks and then admitted after a while that it was because I wasn't interested in her anymore....and when I asked why she thought this she said because I don't comment on her facebook updates.

Am I being a k*ob?

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Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 22:01

@Couchbettato @dancingbadger....I rarely post anything at all on social media so she doesn't get chance to like or comment on things. It's just never been something I was into doing. I work in a sector where it's frowned upon to share too much so I've always been hesitant and my DH doesn't like pictures of the kids online which I'm inclined to agree with although not as strongly as him. I'm not actively against SM but to be honest it just seems exhausting to keep up with it. I actually think my friend pities me....she seems to have the impression that because I don't document my children's achievements that they maybe don't have any to speak of...she knows that I have had challenges in my life, losing parents and long term health problems and I genuinely think she thinks I don't post on SM because my life is shit.... even though I tell her in person all the lovely places we've been and great things we do with the kids but I think because there are no carefully posed smiling pictures of my children she thinks we're not doing those things.

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Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 22:04

@HannaYeah Can totally relate to this. This friends husband thinks he's some kind of weightlifting instagram influencer....every day there are at least 8 shots of him pumping iron in the gym....he's beyond vain. I'm so sad that he's dragged my lovely friend into it with him though as she used to be humble and sweet

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Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 22:05

@GoodDogBellaBoo Beyond disgusting....I mean why would you?

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Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 22:06

@Wearywithteens Completely agree! In real life she can be so lovely...she's caring and funny and clever but on instagram and facebook she just comes across as a real bragger

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Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 22:08

@Vanhi Thank you, yes there's definitely stuff going on there. I think she thinks she's happy but I know she puts herself under immense pressure to stay fit, young looking and beautiful as her husband is VERY judgemental about women who get fat or don't look their best so I suspect there are issues around this involved

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Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 22:10

@ilikemethewayiam totally agree....for me it seems vulgar to be posting your childs school report and vain to photograph every healthy breakfast your kids eat to prove what a great 'mama-bear' you are....but I was wondering if it's just me being old-fashioned and maybe this is how we're all meant to be these days???

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Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 22:15

@Yeahnah2020 Yeah I think that's the way forward for me. Facebook means nothing to me at all so it wouldn't be a loss for me to delete it...I know she wouldn't like it though. We don't see each other half as much as we used to and my suspicions are because I've asked her not to post pictures of my kids so she's choosing to do things with people who don't mind appearing in her online life.

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Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 22:19

@Theroigne Totally agree! She thinks I'm not taking pictures of my kids because I'm not posting them online but in fact I am documenting the special moments in a measured way without pointing cameras in my kids faces when they eat an ice cream but recording a careful selection and saving them to my external drive - I have memories there for the browsing but I don't need to post them for everyone I went to school with, random school mums, old colleagues who I forgot to delete and second cousins twice removed to browse over. For the people who say the in-laws and extended family like to see them I have whatsapp groups set up with them and can pick and curate what I share

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UncleHerbie · 26/12/2019 22:21

Similar happened to me. I blocked her and have not spoken to the ultimate attention seeker since

Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 22:21

@Booboostwo Yeah I've seen it! It's definitely coming true! So funny about your uber rating :-D

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Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 22:22

@UncleHerbie I am so sad about it though....losing a friend to social media hurts

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Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 22:27

@dancingbadger @Emmmie I think she pities me because if I'm not posting about my life then I can't be having a very nice life! I know this all points to her having massive insecurities and I'm sure she does but I don't think that's clicked! I think she's genuinely trying to convince herself about what a great life she has and hasn't stopped to question why she is feeling the need to do this. It's so sad to see. She thinks her lovely life cheers people up....I know this because she posted that she was seeing a friend in hospital and told her all about the kids nativity plays to 'keep her festive spirit up'....

I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage and the way your friend treated you.

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AutumnRose1 · 26/12/2019 22:30

OP I think you would have lost her to a different thing if not social media

Sorry things turned out this way Flowers

Greydove28 · 26/12/2019 23:32

Op your friend sounds like she has a void. She is deluded and insecure. The thing about her liking one of her posts from your phone is just so desperate. She doesnt sound happy at all.

Cornishclio · 26/12/2019 23:50

I have a friend like this too. Practically every meal out (and they eat out a lot) is recorded on FB with photos. Even a glass of wine at home seems to find an update on SM. I unfollowed her

Lizzie0869 · 26/12/2019 23:57

I do have to agree with you, OP, that your friend posting about what kind of cereal she's buying for her DC is really tacky. I mean, good for her for giving her DC a healthy diet, but why on Earth would anyone on SM be interested in her boasting about it?

Your friend seems to be very insecure if she's so obsessed with what her Facebook or Instagram friends think about her parenting. It's very sad really.

Glitterybelle · 27/12/2019 12:06

I had a friend like this but I just ignored her posts. To be honest I think it's more your problem than hers. It's up to her what she does and if you were a proper friend you wouldn't fall out with her over something she's doing that has no impact on you. Sorry but just wanted to give you another perspective

Glitterybelle · 27/12/2019 12:07

Though saying that I think it's way too much that she texts you about her posts and asks what you think of them. I'd say to her 'I don't bother much on social media so don't ask me lol' x

Motoko · 27/12/2019 13:41

It's up to her what she does and if you were a proper friend you wouldn't fall out with her over something she's doing that has no impact on you.

But it's the friend who does the falling out, if OP hasn't liked her posts sufficiently.

So, it's actually the friend who's not the "proper" friend, not OP.

Greydove28 · 27/12/2019 20:32

I cant believe she messages to ask what you think about her posts. That is as so insecure. I feel sorry for her.

LeilaDarling · 28/12/2019 15:28

A friend of mine became obsessed with various men on her Facebook and all her posts were to gain their attention, she would analyse likes and comments and stalk people from a fake account. It was so exhausting, friendship is now over and had to “LOL” when she BLOCKED me, things like that don’t bother me one bit.

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