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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Feel Differently about my Friend?

96 replies

Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:22

I have a friend who I've known all my life but she is driving me mad with social media posting. She documents every area of her life on instagram and facebook...most days there are pictures of what her and the kids and her husband are up to but she seems to be getting more and more desperate for 'likes'. She has told me that she has subscribed to services that chart your instagram impressions and metrics (Don't understand what this is but I think to do with how many people see your posts) and also a service that tells you when someone follows or unfollows. She's not trying to make a career out of social media - both partners have good jobs. Most days the posts are about the kids and how clever they are - they will pose doing homework and smiling sweetly, playing chess (one is 3) or especially when there are merits from nursery, achievement certificates etc....
There are loads of 'boy done good' posts too about her husband and what things he's done.

I'm sure your question is ....and why does this affect you? Well you'd be right to ask because I'm not sure why I'm quite so annoyed by it but really I don't feel like I know my friend anymore....even though I 'know' her more than ever with her life sharing. The posts I see though are just not the friend I once knew...she used to quietly smash goals and achievements without making it so public and I feel like I've lost some of her. She often texts to ask me if I've seen her latest insta and what did I think? At one point I stopped going on facebook altogether last year for about 5 months and she asked why I'd not been liking her posts and I said I was having a break and she actually fell out with me for a few weeks and then admitted after a while that it was because I wasn't interested in her anymore....and when I asked why she thought this she said because I don't comment on her facebook updates.

Am I being a k*ob?

OP posts:
Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:47

@redcarbluecar I don't think I could be honest with her anymore that it's a bit much.....I think she's too into it now not to take that very personally. I've had conversations with her about her posting pictures of my kids without my permission and how I don't feel the need to share my life on social media and she's taken the hump but this was a few years back before she was doing it quite so much

OP posts:
Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:53

@Mincepieandtrifle soapbox away! I'm with you and completely agree...I just don't get it! Give me a chat or a debate (online or otherwise) and I'm there but just looking at perfectly curated images of peoples husbands making breakfast in bed or children with swimming badges I feel like my brain is slowly melting away! When she's not posting her own images she makes a point of putting a comment on the pictures that other friends put on - usually just something pointless like 'Sooooo Cute' on their kid pics....I'm guessing she's working on the basis that if she comments on theirs then they will feel they need to comment on hers

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redcarbluecar · 26/12/2019 15:54

Blimey, it sounds as if it’s taking over her personality. I can’t imagine someone taking the hump because social media wasn’t another person’s ‘thing’. Stick to your absolutely reasonable point of view though.

Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:55

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2 yeah you're right actually! I should get some damn self respect and not feel guilty

OP posts:
Featherweight · 26/12/2019 15:55

I question myself in case I'm 'just jealous' of her lovely life

No need to question yourself. Someone with this level of SM addiction is clearly very insecure. 99% of her posts will be manufactured, staged and not a true reflection of her life. You can bet her DH and DCs are constantly being pushed & forced into being her puppets for her daily fix. And I reckon much of her likes are from people who just press like to shut her up, so they don't suffer the interrogation and fall-outs if they don't.

This is what I don't like about SM - the addicts who ruin relationships over it. Our family have experienced it with a relative and it's so bloody tedious. This relative cut out those of us who refused to be sucked in, and quite frankly it's a bloody relief!

Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:56

@redcarbluecar I know it's super-petty isn't it? I think she genuinely takes it so seriously though and thinks its a part of her....she can't go a day without posting

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thedevilinablackdress · 26/12/2019 15:59

Just hide her posts, you don't have to unfollow.
If (when) she mentions your lack of interaction just say your not on it much and change the subject.

Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 15:59

@Featherweight thank you! Her husband is just as bad as her with the posting - they will often post the same picture from different angles with the same hashtags ....it seems to be a bit of a destructive combination. He was the worst for SM when they first met and slowly but surely she has started using it more and more. It's quite sad now because her kids know that they have to pause for pictures for example when they get an ice cream they don't start eating until the pics are done

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Original poster
Reba0706 · 26/12/2019 16:02

@thedevilinablackdress I've tried this before and she doesn't like it but I will try again I think.....when I've said I'm not on much she has then snapshotted her posts and sent them on whatsapp or once she looked up one of her husbands posts on my phone because I said I'd not seen it and then clicked the thumbsup on my behalf!!

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Featherweight · 26/12/2019 16:03

Oh god, two addicts married to each other, and creating new addicts in their DCs. Theres no hope OP! Be prepared to either give her what she wants every. single. day! Or step back and let the friendship fizzle out.

MistyCloud · 26/12/2019 16:04

OMG I would unfriend and block, she sounds batshit.

I have been doing a cull on facebook and twitter. Deleting and blocking and unfollowing dozens of people. Because.......

I either have nothing to do with them in real life anymore, I never hear from them, it's always me making the effort, or I am sick and tired of baby/child pics on my timeline everytime I switch on, OR they have political rants galore. One woman I know posts a pic of her breastfeeding one of her 4 children (aged 1 to 6,) EVERY day. Yeah, we get it, breastfeeding is fab! You don't need to crow about it EVERY DAY. (Or make people feel like SHIT if they don't do it/cannot do it.)

Last week, I unfriended, blocked, and unfollowed around 50 people/accounts on facebook and twitter.

And my new year resolution is to spend waaaaaay less time on social media!

CakeandCustard28 · 26/12/2019 16:05

If that was my friend I’d be ditching them first opportunity. How immature and pathetic to whinge at you for not liking her posts, is she really a 14 year old school girl by any chance?

sobeyondthehills · 26/12/2019 16:06

The only thing I would consider is how old her children are? I went nuts when DS was born, looking back at my memories its just photo after photo after photo of him, then I stopped when he was about 3 or 4, for several reasons.

Is it possible that might be happening? Or are her kids older

Lizzie0869 · 26/12/2019 16:09

I also recommend unfollowing her for at least a few weeks to give you some space. I've done this with quite a few Facebook friends, especially those who keep posting trivia or advertising products they're selling.

I do wonder whether there's more to this, though, as you've said that your friend wasn't like this before.

zafferana · 26/12/2019 16:14

The most genuinely happy people I know irl hardly post on social media at all.

Totally agree with this! I'd unfollow and step back from the friendship. She sounds extremely shallow and insecure.

Theroigne · 26/12/2019 16:16

I have a friend like this. Her and her dh moved to another country a few years ago and since they did it’s been non-stop with the picture perfect #bestlife. I actually think it’s quite crass when they must know full well that others are having a shit time or are not so fortunate. No doubt they would argue with a wide-eyed ‘but aren’t you happy for us?’, and make you feel bad for being so cynical. Thing is I probably would be happy for them but I just don’t want their wealth rubbed in my face every day. I probably sound envious, but having done a bit of soul-searching over it I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m in fact not; I have a great life that I could easily filter into something idyllic-looking. The difference is that I choose not to because it’s not only really naff but also very showy-offy and insensitive to those who might be having a rough time. Anyway I’m off SM now as I couldn’t be dealing with the way in which they and so many others turn into such bell ends on Facebook and Insta, and I prefer to think kindly of others and live my life quietly.

zafferana · 26/12/2019 16:17

It's quite sad now because her kids know that they have to pause for pictures for example when they get an ice cream they don't start eating until the pics are done.

This is heartbreaking Sad

DarkDarkNight · 26/12/2019 16:19

She sounds exhausting. Just block her on Facebook and ignore her on Insta.

If she asks why you haven’t liked her posts just say you hardly go on there. Does she like and comment on your posts? Does she notice if you don’t post anything for ages? It just sounds like one way traffic.

Sundancer77 · 26/12/2019 16:21

Hmm, I’m not sure about this as I’d say I post pics on my Instagram a couple of times a week..is that weird/insecure? Lots of people I know do too? It’s mainly to keep a memory bank/diary for me as I love looking back at ‘This time last year’ etc. It’s also easy to put them all in one place for inlaws, my family etc to see.
Sometimes I’ll post more and sometimes a fair bit less, I definitely post less when I’m not feeling great, so I don’t think it’s always insecurity as to why people post pics on social media (shrugs)

TonTonMacoute · 26/12/2019 16:24

It does sound as if she is more interested in virtual, SM friends than real ones. It is sad when that happens, but I don't think you should feel bad because you don't want to play along to the point of obsession with it.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/12/2019 16:25

I hope you don't think l was suggesting you don't have any self respect, far from it. Flowers

AutumnRose1 · 26/12/2019 16:28

Is she a real friend or an acquaintance? If she’s a real friend you need to discuss it.

kinsss · 26/12/2019 16:35

Never got into SM at all, and am all the better for it!

Unfollow her immediately and you will forget all about her in a few days. A lot of this kind of hype seems made up to cover other insecurities. A front if you like.

Up to you. You can follow the madness or step back.

debwong · 26/12/2019 16:38

when I've said I'm not on much she has then snapshotted her posts and sent them on whatsapp or once she looked up one of her husbands posts on my phone because I said I'd not seen it and then clicked the thumbsup on my behalf!!

That sounds like she has a serious problem actually. I have similarly tedious friends on SM but nobody who has been this extreme.

beautifulstranger101 · 26/12/2019 16:41

You are not the knob in this scenario.
I dont get people like her- its almost as if documenting the event on facebook is more important than actually enjoying it. I feel sad for people like that, there's nothing wrong with SM at all but if your self worth RELIES on likes then yeah, thats pretty messed up.