AIBU?
Giving back engagement ring
GingerPCatt · 25/12/2019 23:36
SIL recently broke up with her fiancé. She had an argument with him and he ended it. The ring was quite expensive. He’s asked for the ring back and is giving her some furniture he bought when they moved in together. Should she give the ring back?
Am I being unreasonable?
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NearlyGranny · 25/12/2019 23:43
Old-fashioned etiquette and law say she is entitled to keep it as it was a gift: commonsense and decency say give it back in a case like this.
Always give it back if it was his family heirloom. Only keep it if fiancé turned out to be financially abusive and selling it will help rectify things. Expect to realise about 10% of what it cost in the jeweller's window.
Why would anyone want it kicking around reminding them of broken plans and promises?
CoffeeBeansGalore · 25/12/2019 23:43
If he paid for it, yes. Historically a ring is given in promise of marriage. If the marriage does not happen, then the ring should go to the purchaser. I believe legally he is entitled to have it back, if as stated, he paid for it. Alternatively they could get it independantly valued & she could give him the money.
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 25/12/2019 23:55
Why would she want to keep it? It's of no use to her. Does she want to sell it?
He has given her furniture. He seems to be reasonable. I would give it back. She might not need to legally but l wouldn't feel comfortable keeping it, nor would l want to.
CoffeeBeansGalore · 25/12/2019 23:59
Good old google - my comment is wrong (I was going by Judge Judy, USA). I stand corrected as follows:
Under the The Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970 (yes 1970!) it quite clearly states:
“The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.”
I have to say I cannot see many people proposing with a beautiful engagement ring and putting in the proviso that “if this engagement does not work out and we don’t get married, I will need the ring returned to me”. Not exactly the best footing to start a long-term relationship on.
It is extremely rare but an application can be made to the court for the return of the ring if no agreement can be reached. I would hope that this would not be the case given the likely value of the ring and the costs involved in going to court.
If you do go to court, the court would look at all the circumstances and decide whether it was expressly stated as above that the ring be returned or whether it was implied that the ring should be returned if the engagement broke down. Implied would normally cover the fact that the ring was a family heirloom passed down from generation to generation.
Summery1 · 25/12/2019 23:59
I gave mine back when I ended the engagement.
If I felt 'hard done by', I'd probably have kept it. My ex didn't ask.
It's a bit cheeky of him to ask, since he ended the relationship. I'd hold onto it for the short term, until my feelings were less raw to decide.
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