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AIBU?

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Original poster

Giving back engagement ring

111 replies

GingerPCatt · 25/12/2019 23:36

SIL recently broke up with her fiancé. She had an argument with him and he ended it. The ring was quite expensive. He’s asked for the ring back and is giving her some furniture he bought when they moved in together. Should she give the ring back?

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 26/12/2019 00:08

Personally, I would give it back. But if she doesn't want to then I think that is OK, although it is definitely going to leave a sour taste for him!

It is a symbol if their intended marriage and if they are not going to get married then maybe she should return it.

If they had actually got married I would not expect anyone to return an engagement or wedding ring.

If he is willing to break up with her over an argument this close to Christmas he doesn't sound very dependable, although I guess it depends what the argument was about! No, I am not asking.

Thanks
Chihaha · 26/12/2019 00:09

It was a gift (presumably? Unless it was jointly funded), is he giving back every gift she ever bought him?

tinytoast · 26/12/2019 00:10

She should absolutely give it back.

PickAChew · 26/12/2019 00:11

Well, the furniture would be more useful.

MrsToothyBitch · 26/12/2019 00:12

Friend split with her fiance last xmas, he ended it. She kept the ring & has since sold it.

sippingcoffee · 26/12/2019 00:13

Why keep it it's tainted and a bad memory

Breastfeedingworries · 26/12/2019 00:13

She should keep it, he ended it 🤷🏼‍♀️

If she ended it she should give it back.
It was a gift, she can keep it as a keepsake (it’s still flattery to be asked) She can pass it down to her grandchildren and share wisdom. It’s part of her past, isn’t her fault he ended it.

Especially horrible of him to end it then ask for ring back this this close to Christmas. If I were her I’d say tough luck sunshine. Apart from if I thought I wanted the furniture more, then I might give it back. Point is I think it’s all in her court, plus legally it is a gift.

maddening · 26/12/2019 00:15

In the US I believe that she could be required by law to return it.

In the UK no she is not required to return it so then it falls to a moral compass:
Family heirloom of exes family I would return it.

Bought from a joint income - eg long term cohabiting prior to engagement and no fuckwittery on his part I would get a price to sell second hand and give him half/seek half and give it back.

Bought from joint income and fuckwittery - keep it

I ended it for own reasons - give it back.

Etc. Etc, all depends who has done what and where the ring/funds came from Imo.

steff13 · 26/12/2019 00:16

If she had ended it, I'd say she should give it back. Since he ended, I think she should keep it.

Lipperfromchipper · 26/12/2019 00:18

Why would you WANT to keep it though?!! From the perspective of it came from an ex?? I wouldn’t!! If it’s for monetary purposes then morals are all wrong then also imo!

jayho · 26/12/2019 00:21

engagement is an odd bit of contract law:

Offer - Will you marry me?
acceptance - yes
meeting of minds - you both understand that the offer and acceptance indicate an indication of intention to marry in the future
consideration - ring offered on condition of marriage at some future point
capacity - were both parties aware and understanding of the treaty they were entering into?
legality - generally, engagements are accepted as an expression of a state of mind, not a legally binding agreement - you cannot force someone to marry you

If the engagement does not proceed to marriage, the law considers the ring to be an absolute gift, and not returnable. However, morally, most believe that an engagement ring should be returned if the female party decides not to proceed with the agreement and if the other party does, he should forego the ring, probably unless it is an heirloom.

Your SIL does not have to give the ring back but might look like a bit of a cow if she doesn't.

This probably does not help and I should go to bed.

NearlyOutedMyself · 26/12/2019 00:26

I kept my engagement ring after it didn't work out. I couldn't wear it now but somehow it seems wrong to sell it.

VaggieMight · 26/12/2019 00:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

SimonJT · 26/12/2019 00:30

She should do whatever she wants as it is her ring.

I kept mine and I still wear it as I like it.

Chloemol · 26/12/2019 00:37

Yes, it was given in contemplation of marriage. The marriage is no longer happening, he purchased it so should get it back

Duck90 · 26/12/2019 00:42

Is anyone a winner in this situation? Just give the ring back, the sofa - well in a few years no one will care (fingers crossed)

In my opinion, the ring belongs to the person who is wearing it . People shouldn’t spend more than they can afford to lose.

God knows why they want to keep a ring from a terminated engagement

Creepster · 26/12/2019 01:02

If she breaks up with him she gives back the ring. If he breaks up with her she keeps it or gives it back as she chooses.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 26/12/2019 01:21

Yes she should return the ring. Why would she want to keep it after her fiancée broke off the engagement?

ButterflyBook · 26/12/2019 01:25

If she broke the engagement she should give it back. If he did, I'd throw it at him anyway. I can't imagine why she'd want to keep it except maybe to sell it, but personally I'd get no joy from that. Giving it back to him would give me more satisfaction. What will he do with it? Give it to his next fiancée? Sell it for peanuts? Definitely give it back.

Josette77 · 26/12/2019 02:07

Return it. It is the right thing to do.

Rottnest · 26/12/2019 02:13

Legally the ring needs to be returned to the fiancé, who can easily go to court to claim its retutn

Ceebs85 · 26/12/2019 02:13

It's given as a token of a promise to marry isn't it so I'd give it back regardless of circumstances

ProfessionalBoss · 26/12/2019 02:21

At Rottnest, there is no such law in the UK, so unless she is living in the USA or elsewhere, legally she does not need to return it...

Timberoo · 26/12/2019 02:42

Unless it was a rock, I'd have shoved it up his hole or at least advised him on where to shove it by now.

NearlyGranny · 26/12/2019 03:07

Professional boss, Rottnest?! Are you near me? (Perth WA atm)

Best typo/autocorrect of the season so far. 😂