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AIBU?

Giving back engagement ring

111 replies

GingerPCatt · 25/12/2019 23:36

SIL recently broke up with her fiancé. She had an argument with him and he ended it. The ring was quite expensive. He’s asked for the ring back and is giving her some furniture he bought when they moved in together. Should she give the ring back?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

eaglejulesk · 26/12/2019 03:08

I think she should give it back.

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TheSerenDipitY · 26/12/2019 03:19

etiquette wise,
if she ended it she has to give it back, if he ends it she can keep it ( but if he ends it because she is cheating or something he gets it back)
Morally she should give it back as it is a promise of love and now its a tainted memory ( also as the break up was because of them having an argument maybe neither of them are actually mature enough to be married)

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Mummyoflittledragon · 26/12/2019 04:05

Morally I don’t think she should return the ring unless she agreed to return it if they didn’t get married. He ended it. Had she ended it, I would say morally she should return it.

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Rottnest · 26/12/2019 04:12

@professionalboss, sorry, I stand corrected, I'm not in UK.
I do think morally the ring should be returned though, regardless of the law, it was part of an agreement to marry, so that agreement no longer stands, why keep it?

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QuiteForgetful · 26/12/2019 05:57

It says very much about her if she does not return it. He may tell her to keep it if it is not a family ring, my first fiance did not want the ring back.

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Poorolddaddypig · 26/12/2019 05:58

I think I remember from when I studied law that legally, gifts can be kept EXCEPT an engagement ring from a marriage which didn’t go ahead. Like a PP said, the ring is given as a symbol of the promise of marriage - if there’s no marriage then the ring needs to be returned.

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EmmaGrundyForPM · 26/12/2019 06:06

Legal and moral are too different things.

Legally she is entitled to keep the ring.

Morally is different. As he's ended it then I think it's petty of him.to ask for it back but i would probably feel obliged to return it if it was me. As a pp said, he probably doesn't realise how little he'll get for it.

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GingerPCatt · 26/12/2019 06:15

They’re in the USA and as far as I know, it’s not a family heirloom.
SIL wants to keep the ring as it’s worth a lot. And they broke up as he felt she was using him for his money. DH and I feel morally she should return the ring, but she really doesn’t want to. I think she’s a money grubbing cow, but wanted to see what the hive mind of vipers thought.

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Pinkyyy · 26/12/2019 06:23

She should give it back. Sounds like it's a good job the marriage never happened too!

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Bouledeneige · 26/12/2019 06:30

Why would anyone want to keep a ring given to them in these circumstances? It would have no positive value or meaning and just leave the giver extremely out of pocket. I think its nasty and grabby to want t keep it.

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RichPetunia · 26/12/2019 06:34

Give it back.

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kristallen · 26/12/2019 06:36

If she keeps it she's just confirming his reason for ending it.and if she's not bothered about that, she probably is "a money-grabbing cow"!

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MollyButton · 26/12/2019 06:47

A) It will not be worth anything like as much as he paid for it.
B) If they have many assets in common eg. the furniture, then I'd make it part of the discussion of how to split the assets. And to be honest personally I'd rather have more of those assets which would be useful to me - is she really likely to wear it again? (On the other hand a future fiance isn't going to want to wear it either.)

Unless it is a family heirloom, in which case it should be returned.

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DonKeyshot · 26/12/2019 06:53

USA law stipulates that in the event of an engagement to marry being broken the ring is returned to the buyer.

If your sil doesn't return the ring her ex-fiance can file against her in the civil claims court where it is highly likely that he will win.

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Scarsthelot · 26/12/2019 06:59

If I was him I would let her keep. Just confirms his suspicions about her.

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Yeahnah2020 · 26/12/2019 07:13

Absolutely no legal obligation to give ring back.

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Dustarr73 · 26/12/2019 07:24

I would give it back,she should keep the furniture.That way its a clean break.

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CandyCaneLane0 · 26/12/2019 07:32

She should keep it, it's hers

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GrumpyHoonMain · 26/12/2019 07:37

The ring is a gift. She can keep it if she wants

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Nanny0gg · 26/12/2019 09:04

She should give it back. Or give him the money for it

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Jimdandy · 26/12/2019 09:23

@CoffeeBeansGalore that isn’t true in England or Wales.

The position here is it’s assumed a gift unless it’s a family heirloom.

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Pinkyyy · 26/12/2019 09:27

The OP said they're in the USA.

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Cheeserton · 26/12/2019 09:31

Judge Judy can shut up.

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user1487194234 · 26/12/2019 09:37

No legal obligation to return but I would for my own self respect

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PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 26/12/2019 09:40

Very grabby and shit to keep it

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