Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

Giving back engagement ring

111 replies

GingerPCatt · 25/12/2019 23:36

SIL recently broke up with her fiancé. She had an argument with him and he ended it. The ring was quite expensive. He’s asked for the ring back and is giving her some furniture he bought when they moved in together. Should she give the ring back?

OP posts:

Thanks

Share

Report

Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Babynamechangerr · 26/12/2019 09:41

Personally I think if the woman breaks off the engagement then she should give the ring back.

If man does its less clear cut. I don't think he should ask for it back as he asked her to marry him and now doesn't want to go through with it so it's really his tough shit of he doesn't get the ring back. Personally I would give it back though as I wouldn't want to be associated with it.

Thanks

ohwheniknow · 26/12/2019 09:43

Historically a ring is given in promise of marriage. If the marriage does not happen, then the ring should go to the purchaser.

Historically the woman would keep the ring as compensation for ending up damaged goods by the breaking of the engagement.

Thanks

SarahNade · 26/12/2019 10:02

Of course she should! Everyone knows that keeping an engagement ring if you break up is not the done thing. An engagement ring is NOT a 'gift', unlike a pp said. It is given on the condition that you marry him. Otherwise, it would simply be an ordinary ring that he buys as a gift. When a man proposes, he offers the ring while asking 'will you marry me'? Hence if she says yes, he slips it on her finger. If not, she refuses the ring. An engagement ring is not a mere 'gift'. It is a conditional item on the condition that you go through with the marriage. If for some reason the marriage doesn't occur/engagement ended, the woman must give the ring back.

That has been the etiquette for centuries. How could anyone not know this? She has no business or right to keep the ring. Sorry, but it has to be returned.

Thanks

SarahNade · 26/12/2019 10:03

Historically the woman would keep the ring as compensation for ending up damaged goods by the breaking of the engagement.

That is absolute rubbish. Where did you get that from? The woman historically has never kept the ring.

Thanks

SarahNade · 26/12/2019 10:08

@TheFaerieQueene Wrong. If it was a mere 'gift', it would be given to her any time. He wouldn't need to propose and show the ring. It would be like any old jewellery as a gift; costume ring, a lovely gold bangle, a necklace, etc. THEY, are gifts. And, if it were a mere gift, she would take the ring while refusing his proposal. The fact that she only accepts this 'gift' if she agrees to marry him, PROVES it is NOT a mere 'gift'. An engagement ring is not any mere 'gift'.

Thanks

Pinkyyy · 26/12/2019 10:14

If you think about it, when someone proposes, they wait until she says yes to give her the ring. This makes it quite clear that the ring is conditional and should be given back.

Thanks

CuriousaboutSamphire · 26/12/2019 10:15

And they broke up as he felt she was using him for his money. So, as he, you and your DH thought, she is a money grubbing mare!

In the US Judge Judy is right. The ring goes back. Tell her... don't spare her feelings.

Thanks

SarahNade · 26/12/2019 10:18

Yes, your sister is proving her (now ex) fiance' right by wanting to keep the ring. You should tell her that by refusing to return it, she is proving him right and showing she cares more about money and material things than morals and etiquette.

Thanks

NailsNeedDoing · 26/12/2019 10:20

Of course she should give it back. Agree that she’s proving him right about her being money grabbing if she doesn’t want to give it back.

Thanks

SarahNade · 26/12/2019 10:22

I don't understand UK law on this, it is completely stupid and nonsensical. An engagement ring is not like your ordinary 'gift'. Surely anyone knows this! You can't call an engagement ring a 'gift'. That is so dumb! People don't need to propose or accept a proposal for any other gifts, do they? That's the hint right there that proves it is not a 'gift' at all. UK law is so f*cked up.

Thanks

MollyButton · 26/12/2019 10:30

UK law is that the woman can keep it, I believe - in my lifetime women could still sue their fiance for "breach of promise" if he called off the wedding.

Thanks

SVRT19674 · 26/12/2019 10:37

Actually, about the ring, I would have given it back to him when we broke up. An engagement ring is different from any other piece of jewelery he may have bought her, for Xmas or birthdays. No guy would need to ask for it back, I would give it to him directly. Any other gift, on your bike.

Thanks

ims0rrydarlin · 26/12/2019 10:41

I’d give it back. If a ring is given as a promise for marriage, it should be returned if the promise is no longer valid. It’s not the same as a gift. It’s conditional.

Thanks

Chesneyhawkes1 · 26/12/2019 10:43

One I gave back as it cost a fortune. Why would I want to keep it. They aren't worth much if you keep and sell them anyway.

Second one I broke off I asked him and he said keep it. I didn't want it, so between us we agreed to donate it to a local dog charity to raffle off to help pay a vets bill.

Thanks

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/12/2019 11:48

So she most likely wants to sell it and it seems his instinct was right about her. Well you can't make her give it back because it was a gift.

Thanks

MiniEggAddiction · 26/12/2019 11:52

If you actually got married then you would keep the ring (unless it was a family heirloom on which case I'd return it). Since they never got married I think she should return it.

Thanks

steff13 · 26/12/2019 18:26

USA law stipulates that in the event of an engagement to marry being broken the ring is returned to the buyer.

There is no "USA law" regarding this. It would depend on the law of the state in which they live. Some states are conditional gift states, some states are unconditional gift states, most states decide it on a case-by-case basis.

Thanks

crispysausagerolls · 26/12/2019 18:30

He ended it so she should keep it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks

Beautiful3 · 26/12/2019 18:43

The engagement ring symbolizes an agreement to marry. If that promise is broken then the engagement ring has to be returned.

Thanks

girlygirl98 · 26/12/2019 19:12

Lol nope. She doesn't have to give it back. I wouldn't

Thanks

SarahNade · 26/12/2019 19:25

@girlygirl98 Yes, she does have to give it back. That's the law. And any decent self-respected woman would give it back. It's the right, proper thing to do.

Thanks

Waveysnail · 26/12/2019 19:27

Yes I'd give ring back

Thanks

girlygirl98 · 26/12/2019 20:20

Mariah Carey won a 5 million settlement for having her time wasted by her fiancé. I think a guy can stretch to the cost of a ring. Distasteful to ask for it back.I can see why you might keep it and sell it if you needed the money. I kept one of mine and bought a new kitchen. If a guy was bothered to take a girl to court over it then I'm sure she could come up with various financial losses as a result of the engagement to argue the case for keeping it.

Thanks

bubblesforlife · 26/12/2019 20:24

He ended it for the reasons she wants to keep it. Ironic.
If he’s asked for it back, she should give it back.

Thanks

pepperup · 26/12/2019 20:26

He ended it and now wants the ring back. He’s all class. Thank her lucky stars, return the ring and move on!

Thanks

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.