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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m broken. Anyone used a sleep consultant before?

81 replies

holidayhelpp · 25/12/2019 20:35

Sat here in tears. I’m utterly broken.

Assume I’ve tried everything, and am at end of my rope.

Anyone used a sleep consultant and it been worth it? Do they just give you a step by step programme you can google (and have tried already) yourself?

Worst Christmas Day ever.

OP posts:
Pooshweens · 25/12/2019 20:40

Oh poor you! It will get better, I have been there

Definitely use one if you can afford and feel the need

We have for both of ours, worth every penny!! Cracked it really quickly. Have you got one you can ask?

Catscakeandchocolate · 25/12/2019 20:41

Used sleep consultant for both of ours. Cracked it (she stayed over) and never looked back. If you can afford it, do it

ChocolateRaisin · 25/12/2019 20:46

I’m so sorry you’re struggling Flowers

I used a gentle sleep consultant when I was so tired I couldn’t see the wood from the trees. I was actually unwell through sleep deprivation and was on my knees with exhaustion.

It was the best money I’ve ever spent. Gave me sleep and my life back. Do your research and do it.

whywhywhy6 · 25/12/2019 20:48

Yes, when my children were 3.5 and 2 and neither slept. The consultant stayed three nights. It was very expensive.

It was truly life changing and if I had my time again I’d do it again, but sooner, and not even think about the money. Beg, borrow or steal to make it happen.

Darcydashwood · 25/12/2019 20:51

Have you checked out the Children’s Sleep Charity? I spoke to them when we were struggling and they did a plan for us to follow. Good luck, it’s so hard. You will get through it! X

Original poster
holidayhelpp · 25/12/2019 20:51

Thank you for your responses. I’ll pay if it works. I genuinely think I’ll die from exhaustion if I don’t. I haven’t slept for a year.

How can I find a good one? I don’t trust these online reviews Sad

OP posts:
mynameisigglepiggle · 25/12/2019 20:59

Sleep? What's that again remind me?? 😔

wavecatcher · 25/12/2019 21:00

Look up the blissful baby expert she is on fb and Instagram. You can ask her for advice she has a book and a forum. Sleep consultants can charge so much but the secret is gettin your little one to settle on their own. I had a horrendous sleeper he was a year old and I was pregnant and surviving on so little sleep it was sending me mad. I made changes, so i was at a point I could pop him into his cot say night night and walk away. Literally changed my life. Have a look at blissful baby she is really good and helped me.

ThebishopofBanterbury · 25/12/2019 21:01

I used one, it wasn't a miracle worker, but it did help a hell of alot and gave me a routine to focus on. I feel for you so much, my son's first Christmas I felt much the same. The lack of sleep spoiled everything and I missed my lovely lazy Christmases of previous years so so much. Best of luck,
See if anyone here can recommend one to you.

ThebishopofBanterbury · 25/12/2019 21:02

The one I used is no longer around but I'm sure somebody here will help..

Sindragosan · 25/12/2019 21:05

Some children are just crap sleepers. Mine have all been arseholes about sleeping until 2-3ish, but after that sleep beautifully.

It depends why they're not sleeping, if you've a local mums group ask around, not all sleep consultants are equally helpful.

speakout · 25/12/2019 21:06

What's the problem OP? How old is your child?

doadeer · 25/12/2019 21:08

I'm in the exact boat with 11m old. Bedtimes are unbelievably stressful he is just hysterical and sobbing every night. I found some sleep Consultants via local fb group but no one can help till after Christmas. Do you have a local mums fb group?

It's the absolute worst 😔

Original poster
holidayhelpp · 25/12/2019 21:14

He’s 12 months. Avid breast feeder. Wants to feed to sleep as that’s his crutch and gets hysterical if we resist.

We’ve been trying sleep training off and on for 2 months but have to keep stopping because he gets ill (ear infection, colds etc). We’ve made zero progress.

Every night without fail it takes hours for him to fall asleep if I don’t feed him. I know I can’t go in to settle him during the night, so have to send in dh for the multiple wake ups (apart from the one feed I give him as he needs the nutrition - long story and another thread entirely) who is working and is the WORST without sleep. We’re now on the brink of divorce we’re so tired, because it’s not like I sleep through his hysterics so we’re both up!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
holidayhelpp · 25/12/2019 21:15

Dh wants me to give up breastfeeding. I understand why but it’s made me so sad I’ve sat here crying for 2 hours on my own. He went to bed at 8.

OP posts:
Peopleshouldsmilemore · 25/12/2019 21:17

Best money I've ever spent. Was on my absolute and final last ounce of coping and I still go cold thinking about what could have been, if we hadn't found her. Do it.

speakout · 25/12/2019 21:19

Dh wants me to give up breastfeeding.

Bugger him.

I breastfed my children until they were toddlers we slept in the family bed for years- like a pile of puppies.

I- or them have never been short of sleep. Ever.

No sleep training, never a tear- easy peasy.

TinchyBaby · 25/12/2019 21:21

I went with Lucy Wolfe for my first and im using Little Ones currently for my second. You have to be consistent, you keep setting baby back by all the starting and stopping. You can still train even during illnesses, sleep training doesn't have to be super strict you just need to be very consistent doing same thing every nap/sleep.

Check out the Little Ones sleep program

speakout · 25/12/2019 21:24

OP children can learn good sleep habits without formal training.

moodolph · 25/12/2019 21:26

OP I had to read this twice as I thought I had written it, until I got to the BF bit and then was assured it wasn't me in my sleep deprived state. However I did stop at one and it's still happening so don't stop until YOU are ready.

Dd is fifteen months and the same, I'm broken. I'm also at the point that if someone in real life asks me about it I might kill them. I'm so sick of people asking me why she isn't sleeping if she isn't sleeping blah blah blah. Yes yes it's all my fault and I'm clearly so shit at this.

You name it I've tried it. I'm now in new depths of hell where she has stopped sleeping with me, which used to at least work for a few hour chunks.

Last night I was hysterical as I read messages everywhere of children tucked up all cosy. I got her down at 11, after five failed attempts. She then woke one and stayed up till five. And slept again till seven. So she had let's say four hours plus a couple of hours broken in the evening failed attempts. She has had one hour nap today and is still up. I fear she is super human, I have no idea what to do anymore but just wanted to offer a hand hold and a reassurance you are not alone.

Original poster
holidayhelpp · 25/12/2019 21:26

@speakout I’ve tried co sleeping. Resulted in even more wake ups, he knew I was near and wanted to be on the boob every 45 minutes. It was literal hell.

OP posts:
Original poster
holidayhelpp · 25/12/2019 21:27

@TinchyBaby I haven’t got a hope in hell of installing any kind of routine for naps, I’ve got 2 older kids with their own routines so am really really stuck

OP posts:
Original poster
holidayhelpp · 25/12/2019 21:28

@moodolph I am with you. I am SO WITH you. Flowers

OP posts:
DownWhichOfLate · 25/12/2019 21:31

I think some children just are crap sleepers, unfortunately. Does it wake you if he feeds whilst you co sleep? I don’t notice my baby feeding at night.

Keytone5000 · 25/12/2019 21:32

OP and @moodolph
No advice but exact same situation here with 12 month DD, still breastfeeding and I’m co sleeping as it’s a lot easier (no DH I’m a single mum) but even cosleeping she wakes every 1/2 hours wanting to breastfeed. Last night it was every 45 mins.

I get so irritated when people ask if she’s sleeping through yet.

I’ve tried everything even CC which I regret and it didn’t make the slightest bit of difference apart from make me cry myself.

I’ve sort of resigned myself to thinking “ONE day she will sleep through. She won’t be doing this at age 7!” Grin

I know how you feel and it can make you feel like you messed up somewhere but honestly I think some babies are just crap sleepers! I have no real advice other than I understand completely!