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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I’m broken. Anyone used a sleep consultant before?

81 replies

holidayhelpp · 25/12/2019 20:35

Sat here in tears. I’m utterly broken.

Assume I’ve tried everything, and am at end of my rope.

Anyone used a sleep consultant and it been worth it? Do they just give you a step by step programme you can google (and have tried already) yourself?

Worst Christmas Day ever.

OP posts:

aidelmaidel · 25/12/2019 21:33

We used a sleep consultant. Googled people locally, found one whose website seemed sane and who was available.

The big thing they provide that you can't do yourself is a calm voice of certainty that comes from experience and having enough sleep. Ours said nothing we hadn't read online, but she was there when we were going "shit are we doing the right thing?" and she was able to say "yup, seen this before, it's fine" and she was able to say "you guys are doing okay" and since DH and I had agreed to do what she said, it saved us arguing about "is this really going to work." I reckon what you pay for is about 10% experience and 90% emotional labour. Worth it for us.

DD went from being unable to sleep unless I was holding her (I don't sleep well like that) to able to fall asleep in her cot and sleep through. it was bloody magic.

TinchyBaby · 25/12/2019 21:35

I think you need to go to an actual consultant so you can help to suit your life. Unfortunately babies need routine in order to start sleeping better

Tobebythesea · 25/12/2019 21:36

We did and I know 2 others who also hired a sleep consultant. Amazing. My only regret is not doing it for my first child. Expensive but sleep is priceless.

moodolph · 25/12/2019 21:37

@holidayhelpp and @Keytone5000 what the hell though. It makes me so so stressed.

Honest to god all I've had all day today is well she would sleep if she was mine. (MIL) my kids slept all night....well no you just shut the door and didn't hear them. Dh has massive sleep issues, as do both your other sons.

Dh sleep walks. Talks, night terrors etc. However he can sleep more than her, and that is saying something.

I also have the problem she genuinely only wants me at night so like OP can easily let dh get up but hearing her screaming for me I just can't sleep during that.

Her sleep issues are I fear, chronic. She won't even nap unless on me. Or in car.

Anyway sorry to hijack op. Will follow in case someone does have a real Christmas miracle solution

TinchyBaby · 25/12/2019 21:41

Just wanted to point out that sleep training isn't crying it out. Go to a proper sleep consultant and get real advice. I probably wouldn't recommend Lucy Wolfe as I found her a bit harsh and that isn't what you need when sleep deprived and tearful!

Lalalalallama · 25/12/2019 21:43

I used Little Ones, a few people have mentioned it: www.littleones.co/pages/little-ones-sleep?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyuDv3eHR5gIVRbTtCh2ILwZqEAAYASAAEgJtNfD_BwE

It’s a cheaper option than a consultant. I didn’t follow the routines religiously but approximately, routines of sleeping and eating really helped.

BumbleNova · 25/12/2019 21:44

Andrea Grace. She is expensive but honestly I'd have paid double. My DS was an absolutely terrible sleeper. He is 14 months and is so so much better. I have absolutely no regrets. It was hard emotionally but by night 3, he slept through.

doadeer · 25/12/2019 21:45

OP I had the exact same thing with co-sleeping... It doesn't make him sleep better at all he senses I'm here and wants to camber on top of me so it's an exhausting night

@moodolph I wonder if my baby doesn't need very much sleep too - he's still awake now aswell. And I'm the same... I feel like I've obviously failed in some way but I've tried so much - so demoralising.

doadeer · 25/12/2019 21:45

Clamber not camber

anon2000000000 · 25/12/2019 21:47

Heard great things about the Millpond sleep clinic. There was a thread a while ago about someone who used them.

QuietCrotchgoblins · 25/12/2019 21:53

Firstly - I feel your pain, I have been there. I'm sorry you feel so awful. I had a day where I cried all day because I was so tired when dc 1 was about 8 months and I was so worn down by 45min wake ups throughout the night.

I too was bf and choose co sleeping for my sanity. I did try the baby whisperer sleep training which didn't really work.

I think you might find it hard with a sleep consultant if you are still breastfeeding. Don't feel pushed to do things like cry it out or early weaning if you are not ready. Night weaning could be an option but I have had friends do this and thier kids still wake up.

My advice for right now is try and get rest however you can. Pull in all the favours from family and friends to take your DC out in the day and then use that time to nap. That will hopefully take the edge of how horrible you feel.

I would them check with Gp no medical issues ( such as reflux or allergies)

Consider bedtime - how late are they going? What naps are occuring? My eldest fought sleep so much and I brought bedtime forward by 15mins a night until it reached 6pm. I would consider this way too early ( was putting her to bed at 8pm) but she needed it and still does aged 5yo. She was in a cycle of overtired/ fighting sleep and was getting harder the tireder she was. My child didn't show sleepy cues until it was too late. By that time she would be bouncing off the walls and would take hours to calm. 6pm bedtime took 20 calm minutes x

I now have a 2yo - also a terrible sleeper but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It gets better, but the aim is to survive the sleepless years- take all the help you can get x

QueenofmyPrinces · 25/12/2019 21:56

We used a sleep consultant with my first when he was 9 months old because things were just unbearable.

It cost me £90 and within a week all my problems were solved. She saved my life in so many ways!!!

Grumpos · 25/12/2019 21:57

Another fan of “Little Ones” - It’s a sleep programme with set routines but it does also have access to online forum and consultants so you can ask direct questions about your specific problem areas.
Might be worth a try, it’s about 30quid, even if you just give it a try whilst you’re waiting for a consultant appointment (assuming you will have to wait over new year period).
Best of luck

TinchyBaby · 25/12/2019 21:57

Never heard of stopping breastfeeding while sleep training, both ones I've done have been very pro breastfeeding.

nativityhumbug · 25/12/2019 21:58

I feel your pain (or tiredness). 15 month old ds is a terrible sleeper. He still wakes up every 2 hours. I decided to co sleep and it's made it much more bearable! Hope you find a solution

formerbabe · 25/12/2019 21:59

Dh wants me to give up breastfeeding.

Bugger him

What a ridiculous response. The op has said they're on the verge of divorce. Surely it's better for the child to have two parents in a happy relationship with each other?

TartanMarbled · 25/12/2019 22:01

Just buy a sleep training book, no need for a consultant. I recommend The Happy Sleeper. Worked for both of my kids within 2-4 nights each. They've slept through since.

dinodiva · 25/12/2019 22:02

Yes, we used Ann Caird with our first, and thinking seriously about using her again for our second. She was great. Really helpful, made sense, supportive of our daughter’s needs (she was 2) and it was just such a bloody relief being told what to do. When you’re that tired you can’t see the wood for the trees, so having someone put the plan together was so helpful.

Not cheap, but I’d pay it again in a heartbeat.

TartanMarbled · 25/12/2019 22:02

I'd say stop the breastfeeding, too.

Pinktornado · 25/12/2019 22:03

If breastfeeding works then use it! I was going crazy with DS a few months back (he’s 16 months now), trying to get him to sleep in his own cot, trying not to feed him to sleep (“rod for your own back” etc). Well you know what? After 2 miserable weeks I said sod it, I went back to breastfeeding him to sleep and cosleeping. Some nights he feeds a lot, other nights it’s only once, but I’m used to it now and I’m getting more sleep than ever. DS has been really sick lately as well and I’ve been so grateful to be able to feed/comfort him through it.

As long as you’re happy to continue bfing then do it and use it in the way I’m sure mothers have for thousands of years - nourishment, comfort and to get the wee buggers to sleep!

bingbangbing · 25/12/2019 22:03

OP, I've been where you are and it's hell.

Night weaning worked for us at around one year.

You cannot do it.

You're a breastfeeding mother so someone else needs to do it.

Dad needs to do night wakings. He can offer water in a sippy cup. No milk at all.

It might take a few nights but your baby will get used to not having milk at night. Then sleep through.

Just make sure that he's well fed during the day and he will be fine.

Indecisivelurcher · 25/12/2019 22:04

Yes, for my youngest at 14 months maybe and then for my oldest at 4! I used sleepy moonkeeper. Helped get me and dh on the same page, so worth the money for that alone. And if you pay for advice you're more likely to follow it!

bingbangbing · 25/12/2019 22:08

And I continued breastfeeding for another six months- breastfeeding has nothing to do with sleep

LaurieMarlow · 25/12/2019 22:11

Don’t give up BFing but now is the time to night wean. It made a HUGE difference to us.

DH will need to step up and do the settling. No more milk at night, but offer water. Baby will soon figure it’s not worth it.

Co-sleeping is always suggested as the silver bullet on here, but I absolutely hated co sleeping and barely slept at all when I attempted it. Nightmare.

tikitent · 25/12/2019 22:15

I am in the same place with my 16 month old. It's hell. She is my first born and my last as I cannot ho through this again.

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