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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m broken. Anyone used a sleep consultant before?

81 replies

holidayhelpp · 25/12/2019 20:35

Sat here in tears. I’m utterly broken.

Assume I’ve tried everything, and am at end of my rope.

Anyone used a sleep consultant and it been worth it? Do they just give you a step by step programme you can google (and have tried already) yourself?

Worst Christmas Day ever.

OP posts:
GenevaMaybe · 25/12/2019 22:15

The sleep consultancy industry is not regulated and there are lots of really under qualified people giving bad advice.

If you are looking for an affordable option then I would try the little ones online programme which is very good but of course not individualised.

If you can afford to pay more, then I can highly recommend Carol Grassick. She helped me with both babies, my sister and most of our friends. She is truly amazing and sometimes has to go and sort out the mess other consultants leave behind.

tangled2 · 25/12/2019 22:18

I used Little ones too, after being highly sceptical. It isn't harsh at all, but the nap times suddenly just seemed to work

Mlou32 · 25/12/2019 22:20

How much would a sleep consultant be, just out of curiosity?

orangejuicer · 25/12/2019 22:21

Another one for bad sleep! FF here though.

Daytime routine is fine, night time is something like this:

8pm bed
11.30 - wake, settle
1-2am - various rolling and shushing
3am- wake- fall asleep on our bed, get moved back to cot about 4.
5am- wakey wakey mummy!

I hope you get a rest soon.

VestaTilley · 25/12/2019 22:25

Yes, and at 7 months it saved my sanity- we used the amazing Nicola Watson of Child Sleep Solutions. We did gentle controlled crying and it worked in two nights. He now sleeps brilliantly.

I was on the verge of a breakdown. Do it. Just don't ever do 'cry it out', where you just leave them to cry- and make sure they're not ill or anything when you start training.

A good sleep consultant will never recommend anything that shouldn't be done, nor anything you're not comfortable with doing. Good luck.

pumpandthump · 25/12/2019 22:28

How much are we talking for a sleep consultant? We need help too!

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 25/12/2019 22:28

Hi OP

I ahvent read the thread

I got a sleep consultant at 7 months for our baby as she woke up every 90.min at most for a lie in. Sometimes 20 mins or half an hour which is how long I take to sleep so I didnt sleep the whole night

I had two -

one that was recommended by a friend of a friend. She recognised a latching issue when the baby was small but otherwise was shit. Things I learnt from this -

  • find one that is recommended by s lot of people. For me I went on a local facebook page (parents of xxx) and searched for the title of sleep consultant and I picked one that had the most recommendations)
  • asked what success looked like and what happened if it didnt work. She said she had never had a client that it hadn't worked for before but she would give me half the money back if it didnt, after a few extra sessions
  • I asked exactly what the support looked like. The first one that was shit was all by email and she responded so slowly and asked so many questions that by the time he answered, the original issue was a month old. The second, really good one, had a daily phone call, a phone call every other day in the second week and responded to messages instantly. It was invaluable

In the end, really all she did was a version of the disappearing chair method. Nothing revolutionary. But it was really detailed with loads of me asking 'what about' and ' what if' troubleshooting, with her at the end if the iPhone when I was having a wobble and responding in real time when I needed support.

The first one was a waste of time but the second was honestly the best 300 quid I've ever spent

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 25/12/2019 22:30

Honestly it changed my life - went from 7 wakes a night to sleeping thought second night. Baby was loads happier and started eating in the day (before wasnt hungry as was eating all night) and I actually had the energy to do stuff in my maternity leave

detachablehoof · 25/12/2019 22:34

I used Sam from Sweet Dream Babies and it was quite genuinely the best money I have ever spent. 10000% recommend her to anyone wanting to teach a baby to self settle. She takes her time to understand your problems and writes a personalised plan for you to follow. The follow through support is amazing too. Check out her website for pricing. Honestly can't recommend her enough!

Verite1 · 25/12/2019 22:42

Both of mine were bad sleepers. I used Millpond with my first. It didn’t work. I used Nicola Watson from child sleep solution for my second. She was amazing. She prepared a plan that was specific to our baby and was always there at the end of an email/phone to offer reassurance. Worked in about 2-3 weeks but was hugely improved from about 5 days.

Comtesse · 25/12/2019 22:51

Andrea Grace. I was 8 months pregnant with no 2 and crying on the way to work I was so tired. Worth the money JFDI if you have the cash. Chin up, keep trucking Flowers

QueenofmyPrinces · 26/12/2019 05:55

Yes, and at 7 months it saved my sanity- we used the amazing Nicola Watson of Child Sleep Solutions. We did gentle controlled crying and it worked in two nights. He now sleeps brilliantly.

I used her too and she was amazing!!

She changed my son’s whole daytime routine and bedtime routine and it completely turned things around.

Prior to her my son would only ever breast feed to sleep (co-slept), he would wake 3-4 times a night, and sometimes be awake for an hour at a time whilst I’d be feeding him and crying with exhaustion. He would never nap reliably in the day either because I would feed him to sleep and then the minute I lay him down he’d wake up. I was so, so exhausted, I was tied to the baby, I started to resent him and me and DH were arguing all the time.

Nicole was amazing! Within a week he was self settling in his cot, sleeping 7-7 with no wake-ups, and would also have two naps a day (1.5 hours long each) in his cot where again, he’d self sooth and not need feeding to sleep.

The best £90 I have ever spent!!!!

JTTWC · 26/12/2019 06:35

I feel for you OP. I had twins who used to wake in excess of 25 times a night. My whole family was exhausted. We had no energy to do anything fun, the house was a mess and we were constantly grumpy. I got referred by HV to a group which you attended weekly and gave tips on sleep. 2 people from each class were offered one on one with the a sleep specialist who ran the class if things were still not improving. It was free. Not sure if there is something like that in your area? Although if you can afford to pay it's worth it. My sister did the same and it changed her life!!

Allboundformoomooland · 26/12/2019 06:52

Highly recommend www.carolinewinter.co.uk. She's in Yorkshire but does phone consultations. I used her advice and routines for my youngest son from 4 months and he slept through from 9 months, and I breastfed until 13 months. Now at just 3 he sleeps 11-12 hours a night and I can't remember the last time that he woke up in the night. I had a similar experience to you with my eldest son and can totally empathise. Sure she can help.

bringonyourwreckingball · 26/12/2019 06:55

We used Millpond with dd2 who was a horrendous sleeper. It wasn’t a silver bullet but it did help with dealing with it calmly and consistently which is a big part of the battle and I felt less alone once we had a strategy.

CadburyFlake · 26/12/2019 06:58

Andrea Grace also

Made a huge difference. Didn't solve it all and said child gave me the run around at bed time for years but she's better now at 7. Mostly!!!

mousemousse · 26/12/2019 07:18

Have you ruled out physical issues? Mine woke all the time and it turned out to be allergies, no other symptoms, cut out dairy and he slept

PapayaCoconut · 26/12/2019 07:58

I don't recommend reading a book instead. I read that baby whisperer one when DD was walking every hour for three months. It didn't work (it didn't even make sense) and I never tried anything else after that (just co-sleeping for years) Bennett or felt so hopeless. Maybe if we had cracked the issue the first time, we might have cracked it. But DD (5) still sleeps quite badly.

I don't trust online reviews either. I know someone who has a business. Her website is full of lies and she's made everyone she knows leave positive reviews. She has zero experience in what she does and I doubt she's ever had a single client, but you'd be none the wiser from her online presence.

PapayaCoconut · 26/12/2019 07:59

Sorry, that was totally garbled. I'm sleep deprived. Wink

CoteDAzur · 26/12/2019 08:23

You can't "try sleep training on and off". You do it and don't stop it for anything.

Stop night feeds now. Your child is not a baby anymore and at the age of 1, doesn't need any "nutrition" in the night.

Night feed, toilet, bed. When he wakes in the night, your DH tells him to go back to sleep (hug, kiss, pat on him back, etc but no milk). It will get better after 2-3 nights. He will eat more in the day to compensate and his metabolism will forget that night feed time as a meal time and will stop waking him up for it.

Do it now. It's in his own best interest to sleep through the night and have happy, rested parents during the day.

mousemousse · 26/12/2019 08:44

Jay Gordon technique is what I used to stop night feeds.

NotYourHun · 26/12/2019 08:56

Little Ones never worked for us.

Julie from To Baby and Beyond saved my sanity. My mental health was so bad but within 3 weeks my baby went from feeding every 45 mins - 1.5 hours, to sleeping through the night at least 10 hours. He was a tough nut to crack but it was worth the effort. I definitely needed the ongoing support that you get from a sleep consultant because I was in such a fog, and feeling so crap, that trying to do it from an online programme just wasn’t realistic.

Yeahnah2020 · 26/12/2019 09:02

Sorry you are having a hard time. You say you have tried everything but that may be a matter of perspective. Do you let your baby cry? As in for 10-20 minutes off and on? That’s how long some babies take to go to sleep. I’m not talking about hysterical crying, but the “I’m so tired crying that eases gradually?” My friend told me she had tried everything. She hadn’t. Because she’d be in there picking her baby up as soon as she cried. Just a thought?

Yeahnah2020 · 26/12/2019 09:03

This might not be relevant to your situation at all, just thinking really.

Stickybeaksid · 26/12/2019 09:12

My close friend has a nightmare sleeper and paid a fortune for a very popular Irish sleep consultant to give her a programme. It was nothing you couldn’t google for free. The only thing she got out of it was a requirement for consistency. Remember sleep consultants are not medical doctors and are not regulated it’s up there with acupuncture and reflexology in the way anyone can do it and promote themselves as an expert.