Merry Fucking Christmas

[ScrewThat]

I've NC for this but am a regular. I just need to vent/cry really. I know I'm not being unreasonable.

Me and DP of over 5 years live separately, currently long distance. This is (was) a temporary thing involving very complicated logistics (that would be extremely outing to describe). Our relationship has had some very tough patches - addiction issues from him which he seems to be getting on top of. Due to the complicated logistics we have had quite limited contact over the past three months - we knew in advance this would be the case and that it would be tough but it is due to come to an end in about a month so seemed do-able. Because of the same complicated logistics we were having to spend Christmas apart. I last heard from him about a week ago. All seemed fine.

Anyway this morning I spoke to him on the phone. This was unexpected as a close friend was in crisis. While on the phone he told me he has met someone else. He says he has known her for years and got back in touch with each other a few weeks ago and got closer. They got together a week or so ago and he considers her to be his girlfriend.

Almost no explanation given. No remorse, not even sorry that I've been hurt. While the logistical issues make contact difficult, there are ways he could have got in touch to talk about something serious like this. I'm fuming at him that he didn't and hurt that he has been stringing me along. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me. I had no suspicion of anything like this and (again because of the difficult logistics) we only got a few minutes to talk before he had to go and I had to turn on the happy face for family Christmas. I've since found out he has blocked me on the phone and on all social media, probably on email too. I'm angry and hurt about that too. I wasn't nasty with him this morning (more gob-smacked) and had stayed rather calm just saying we would need to talk next time we got the opportunity. He said he didn't want to talk, but I feel that blocking me really is the coward's way out.

I don't know what to say. I'm gutted and I just needed somewhere to vent. Today isn't the day to share it with friends, and even when it is the right time I know that a lot of my friends feel I should have given up years ago with the addiction issues.

Merry fucking Christmas

I was also going to say Antarctic because I was trying to think of places on earth where he wouldn't be able to communicate with you unless it was an emergency.
What I question is how he had contact with her if he was supposedly unable to contact you and whether he was therefore lying about having limited contact.

The whole thing is distinctly fishy. Also I don't think you can assume that he wasn't meeting up with her in city A. Cheaters always find a way.

Anyway, none of this speculation helps. The fact is that he is now calling this woman his girlfriend. It's awful for you but at least you found out now and not after marriage where you then have to unpick joint finances etc or after having children with him. He's awful and you deserve way better than that.

Thank you to everyone who replied. It's not the Antarctic. It's not that interesting. Or that cold. I think various projects have more secrecy/security when they are being set up/changed than people realise.

I've really been all over the place the last few days and people's comments about how they bet it has been going on longer have really made my head swim and wonder whether I am being really naive and stupid. But I just can't see how it could have been. He was - or seemed - completely and utterly devoted to us, always has done. He NEVER goes out socially. When he is in city A he works and then goes home and facetimes us until he goes to bed. He doesn't have hobbies. He doesn't really see anyone apart from work. I worried how he would cope with the enforced separation from us these 4 months as we really are his entire world. Or so I thought.

I am completely having a wobble. I want to talk to him so badly and I keep having to hide in my bedroom and cry. I'm not angry any more. Just hurt and confused.

What a fucking arsehole. To do that on Christmas Day of all days!!! Hope you are okay.