Is this the height of ingratitude?

[choc71]

I had everything planned for a perfect Christmas. Little family holiday to the Christmas markets in Germany for a few days before hand, as I know I've worked a lot this year.
I've bought all the gifts and food throughout the year, wrapped everything, got up at 3 a.m. to make sure Santa had been and everything was out ready for the morning.
Bonus lie in till 830 when the kids woke up.
DS2 (15) starts the day by telling me to 'f off' for taking photos whilst they were opening presents. DS1 (17) tells me that he's been given a load of unnecessary presents and was almost crying when he said 'it's a bit crap isn't it'.
I realise that the magic isn't there for DS1 but we need to keep it going for DS3 slightly longer, he's only 9.
DS1 I had bought near on £400 worth of driving lessons for which I put into a voucher. I had told him beforehand I was doing this. Cue cutting remarks that DS3 had more to open than him - yes, mostly stocking fillers.
DS1 turns round and then says he's not coming back home from Uni for Christmas next year as he can't be bothered.

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.
I've already had to tell DS1 and DS2 off. OH has said nothing to support me.
Rant over. I had, I thought, brought my kids up to be grateful and to value things we give them. Clearly not. I am disgusted by DS1 and DS2s behaviour today. It's almost as if DS1 cannot cope with a day being not about him.

If I didn't have my parents coming over, I would cancel Christmas lunch, but it's not fair on them.

Christmas with teenagers is not magical at all. I have learned to lower my expectations.

GetUpAgain yes, that thought went through my mind too.
Yes, their teachers and everyone who knows them would describe them as wonderful!
Lucky me for seeing the other side this morning!

The voucher is in my pocket guys and there it stays.

We had a couple of years with DD1 and DD2 at the same ages being like this and we had to keep it going for younger DS. Now a few years later they are all 3 sitting at the table having a laugh eating chocolate whilst their Mum and Dad have a lie in. So it does get better and it doesn't mean they will always be ungrateful. I think there is a couple of years when it doesn't live up to the hype for them and before they enjoy the day in each other's company. We just carried on and ignored the ingratitude and had a laugh about it when they had all gone to bed- DD1 at 6.30pm one year😊 because she was bored. Have a happy Christmas. They grow out of it.

On a different note, I've cut my turkey joint in half as the one bloody thing I forgot to buy was a big enough roasting tin so do I now halve cooking times?

"their teachers and everyone who knows them would describe them as wonderful"

I knew it - hang onto this thought. The grandparents will dilute the dynamics and the day will improve.

I would have got murdered for that reaction! Give them a boot in the hole the wee beats. Teenagers are awful. When they are older and wiser they will look back on this and feel awful

Try to salvage the day (for your own good I mean) and have a quiet talk to DS1 tonight.

I think a PP made some good points about potential reasons for his behaviour. Obviously that doesn’t mean he gets to take it out on you though.

I think as women we are taught not to react much to poor behaviour. I’m still learning how to drop my jaw, gasp and stare when someone says something outrageously rude to me (like your DSs have today). Don’t be afraid to do it where necessary!

Teenagers can be so horrible, I know from experience because it was me honestly I'm so ashamed. I think mostly I kept a lid on it but some years I remember hating Christmas and all my presents. Don't know how my mum didn't give up! Anyway it has prepared me for the worst in my teenagers but weirdly my teen (15) has been great despite mostly getting pyjamas 😁 It's my 9 year old who's a bit of an entitled brat! Honestly her sulky face was something else this morning as was the 11 year olds. Next year though I am majorly scaling back so they'll probably look back fondly on this year

I think DS1 at the age of 17 w should work to earn all money for his driving lessons. He is very miniature and entitled. How would he cope at Uni where many will have lots more disposable income than him?

What makes you think that DS1 will ever do any driving that doesn't suit him?

If he wants to learn to drive, he can do it on his own time and own money after that performance; use the money, if you can get a refund, to take yourself off on holiday without him.

've cut my turkey joint in half as the one bloody thing I forgot to buy was a big enough roasting tin so do I now halve cooking times?

Do the timings by the weight of each half so less time overall but longer than you think and let it stand.

Is your OH their father?
I wouldn't cancel your parents but I would take the older two into a room tell them you are really disgusted in their attitude and behaviour and that if they can't be pleasant they can fuck off into their rooms for the rest of the day.

Ouch, OP, that’s a rough start to the day. Hope it improves. In future tell them how much they have to spend’ for Xmas and let them tell you exactly what they want.

Did they get you anything?

MitziK, I agree but DS1 does a lot of volunteering in his own time, which is why I have always said he doesn't need to get a job till after his exams.

I shall be re-evaluating this in the New Year.

And they are all banished from the front room at 7 p.m. tonight now so that I can watch Call the Midwife. Normally I'd watch it upstairs. No chance after this morning.

Enjoy lunch with your parents .. you do not need to call the teens down .. they obviously can sort themselves out 🤷🏻‍♀️

@choc71 That's not your problem though, is it? He'll just have to wait until he is working fulltime to pay for them and if that's aged 21/22, well, he shouldn't have been an ungrateful little shit to his mother when he was 17, then.

Do today for your parents sake. Tomorrow morning get in your car, book yourself into a fancy spa for a few days of self indulgence and tell both your partner and your ungrateful kids to fuck off. I hope it makes them all feel like shit.

Have they removed their heads from their arses and remembered that you’re a human being with feelings yet?

My family are banished at 7pm too OP. Think 8m looking forward to Call the Midwife more than anything else, although so far today has been wonderful and DD 5years Old has been thankful and well behaved. Expecting a crash later though when the excitement gets too much.

I remember being an ungrateful sod at that age, you're not a kid anymore but not an adult either, it's hard to balance the 'I want something really expensive' with the 'I want a mountain of stuff to excitedly rip open'. I'm sure once he's had a chance to process he'll sheepishly try to make it up to you.

You need to tell DS1 to wind his neck in - tell him it is totally his choice where to spend next Christmas and if he is going to be rude and abusive he may not be welcome.

I think you all need to calm down to be honest. So many people put way too much pressure on Christmas and it inevitably falls flat.

Put on some Christmas music, pour yourself a glass of wine and take a deep breath. Deal with the ungrateful ness tomorrow.

At 17 I would have been ashamed to act like that. He is less than a year off being a grown man and should know better. The 15 year old should know better as well. I'd take the presents off them tbh and tell them to fuck off up to their rooms.
I'd also be making it clear how much they have hurt and upset you. However you need to keep things jolly for the wee one. I hope the day goes bette for you.

I'm sorry op, that's horrible. I would spend less on them next year and tell them that it's not about gifts, but spending time together. I've spent less on mine this year. They have a jar of sweets from santa. From us, a robe, duvet cover, pillow, a game, slime, books and a blanket. They're happy with that. Next time spend less.

Christmas loses it's shine at around 17.

Well maybe-but £400 worth of driving lessons!!

Bloody hell.

Would he rather have had a token £20 on bits & bobs so that there was stuff to open?