To be angry with DD's friends parents

[winterelf]

DD (14) has a friend who stays
over at ours a lot when she's home from school. I take them places, feed her, drive them round and they stay in contact when she's away.

There's a party at a mutual friend's house tonight. DD and her friend invited. Initially i said DD couldn't go as we were having a family dinner but then she said that her friend's mum would take them and drop her home so she went out after the meal. She's to be home for 11.00. I CHECKED WITH THE MUM BEFORE AGREEING and this was the plan.

Just had a text. Apparently friend's dad is now on pick up as mum is, "out" and he doesn't want to drive DD "all the way" to ours so he'll pick her up as long as DD sleeps at their house. However we're leaving for the in-laws tomorrow at 9 so that just won't work. In contexts the houses are 2 miles away (admittedly in London) but no more than a 20 min round trip.

As DD was supposed to be getting a lift I had a large glass or red in the restaurant and am now not safe to drive. Nor is DH.

DD has said she'll get a cab but I'm so angry that my 14 year old has to do that on her own because the parents of a friend won't make the agreed 20 min round trip. Have texted mother but had no response.

DH has said we should never rely on other parents again, but surely sometimes you have to?

That’s crappy. I’d let her stay at her friends house and get up early to fetch her. I wouldn’t want her in a cab on her own.

I don't get the problem. Pick up DD on your way tomorrow 🤷‍♀️

I would be angry at that, it's hardly a big deal to drop a child home safely 20 minutes away, especially as that was the arrangement.

YANBU that's really lazy of him when presumably you've ferried their kid around a lot and they agreed to do it. Not the end of the world but a hassle all the same. If it's only 2 miles could you not walk there yourself then take a taxi with DD if she's uncomfortable riding alone?

I rely on Uber for my 14 year old when it is coming home late. He's well accustomed to it by now.

Picking up on the way tomorrow only works if the dd would be up and ready. Both my teens would be ok in a taxi, but we’re not in London.
YANBU to be annoyed though.

2 miles is a long bloody walk!

I'd go in the cab myself to get her. I feel really cross on your behalf.

Pick her up on the way in the morning. It will be fine.

I ferry their daughter around LOADS. DD can't stay over. I like the friend but she's allowed to run wild at home. There's no parental control. Based on previous experience if DD stays she'll be awake until 5am and it'll ruin Christmas with her being tired and ratty. This is why I prefer friend staying with us but just this once I thought "why not let friend's parents pick up?"

Send an Uber for her. Or if she’s really nervous go and fetch her in an Uber. Make it clear to the friends mum you’re pissed off. Don’t rely on her again.

Just get up a bit earlier tomorrow to go and get her?
And don’t be doing so much for the friend in future

Could you or DH pick her up in a taxi?

The thing is it's not her friend's fault. She's a nice girl with stupid parents.

Ah, if DD will be up all night it's a little different. Though TBH will she not snooze in the car and recover at grandparents? If she's crabby that's on her own head.

I'd not be comfortable with my 14 year old DD in an uber at nearly midnight. I'd go and fetch her in a cab.

I’d go and pick her up in an Uber too. After Christmas I’d have a word with the friend’s mum about this though and say what a difficult position it’s out you in that they didn’t stick to what was agreed without good reason

Just FYI it's in Uber's terms and conditions that they don't travel unaccompanied with under 18s. YANBU

Take a cab and pick her up. That’s bloody annoying.

It’s not as easy as just picking her up in the morning. The dd won’t be ready and will be utterly sleep-deprived.

Message the dad and remind him how much you do for their child and that it was agreed and staying isn't an option

YANBU at all.
For whatever reason you don't want her to sleep there, it is no business of the friend's parents - they agreed to do something, and need to step up and do it.

Can't she just get up early tomorrow and walk home ?? It's only a 30 / 40 minute walk. And it will be light and busyish by that time so as safe as it's ever going to be. 💁🏻‍♀️

That’s really shitty of them. I don’t blame you for being cross.

How large was this one glass of wine that has rendered you so intoxicated you cannot drive?
I would go and pick her up from the friends house myself.

Can you just send friends dad a message saying ‘actually can you drop DD home please. It doesn’t work for us for her to stay and that was the arrangement made with his wife’ push back.

@Cluckyandconfused

The OP didn’t say that

And I wonder what kind of parent you are that you’re happy to drive your kids around when you’ve been drinking....