To be angry with DD's friends parents

[winterelf]

DD (14) has a friend who stays
over at ours a lot when she's home from school. I take them places, feed her, drive them round and they stay in contact when she's away.

There's a party at a mutual friend's house tonight. DD and her friend invited. Initially i said DD couldn't go as we were having a family dinner but then she said that her friend's mum would take them and drop her home so she went out after the meal. She's to be home for 11.00. I CHECKED WITH THE MUM BEFORE AGREEING and this was the plan.

Just had a text. Apparently friend's dad is now on pick up as mum is, "out" and he doesn't want to drive DD "all the way" to ours so he'll pick her up as long as DD sleeps at their house. However we're leaving for the in-laws tomorrow at 9 so that just won't work. In contexts the houses are 2 miles away (admittedly in London) but no more than a 20 min round trip.

As DD was supposed to be getting a lift I had a large glass or red in the restaurant and am now not safe to drive. Nor is DH.

DD has said she'll get a cab but I'm so angry that my 14 year old has to do that on her own because the parents of a friend won't make the agreed 20 min round trip. Have texted mother but had no response.

DH has said we should never rely on other parents again, but surely sometimes you have to?

Ok. She's getting an Uber with her friend (he's a nice lad who lives a road away).
I'm still really cross
Also interested to hear about the Uber "being 18" thing. How did i miss this????
She's been on our account since year 9 (Age 14). All of her friends are on their parent's accounts. We are light users in comparison to most of her friends who get Ubers everywhere! This is the first time we've used it at night and I'm ok as she's with a large male friend.

A large glass of red can be 5 units

@Cluckyandconfused - many of us don't drive once we've drunk anything.

Cluckyandconfused
A large glass is just that -250 ml. I'm definitely over the limit.

Ah she'll be grand with the friend then
Not the end of the world. Just note to self re friends' parents.

cluckyandconfused OP is 100% entitled to have a glass of wine when she thought she did not need to drive. I'm a lightweight drinker and I would really not be happy driving after a drink which will be at least 3 units of alcohol.

Yes I didn't realise that the t&cs said that and regularly used Uber to collect DS15 when I couldn't get back in time to collect from school. Then I had to complain when he witnessed a road rage altercation involving their driver and was told then that the booking should not have been accepted due to his age. Not sure that works in practice though as he was in school uniform and it was never questioned. 🙄 Glad your daughter is getting home safely

Perhaps text and say 1. You agreed with the mum to bring dd back 2. You are leaving early in the morning and dd needs to be home and 3. You had a drink because you trusted the agreement with the mum.

Chances are the mum is mightily pissed off with the dad! But fight your corner on this and get what you want. Ime parents can be fuckers sometimes 😏

Yes they are mean not to drive 2 miles to bring her home when you do alot of running around for her. Some people are just like that, unfortunately.

If you are worried about her being tired ect for Christmas, I would perhaps get an uber to take you to pick her up

How large was this one glass of wine that has rendered you so intoxicated you cannot drive?

OP is being very responsible by not driving. If I am driving I do not drink any alcohol at all too, if stopped and breathalised you have no idea how even just 1 drink can affect the results, it depends on your weight, age, sex and metabolism (the rate your body uses energy)

Just a thought as you say the girl's allowed to run wild, could this be a lie so they can stay at the party longer than you would allow?

Oops sorry, I've missed so much of the thread bcs I took a call and the thread skated ahead!

Some parents are absolute CFers. I've had some shocking experiences. But most are OK.

@Cluckyandconfused you might drink and drive but that doesn’t mean the OP should. Personally I think the limit should be zero! Plus OP didn’t say she was intoxicated, she said she’d had a large glass of red!

OP I think I would be cutting down ferrying their dd anywhere tbh. That’s terrible that they can’t reciprocate once.

Glad it worked out but would still be having words with the other parents in case this arises again. Incredibly rude and ignorant behaviour by the father and I wouldn't be happy relying on him again.

I'm glad DD has found an acceptable solution.

I would certainly be thinking about cutting back on the favours I do for their daughter too.

@Cluckyandconfused what a bloody stupid thing to say. A large glass of red wine would easily put you over the drink drive limit.

2 miles is a long bloody walk!

Is it? (Genuine Question). I'm a fairly quick walker and am happy to march along listening to music but might not be safe in all parts of London. This would take me less than 40 minutes.

The Uber thing is very disconcerting. All the other parents either don't know (like us) or don't care. I picked picked her up at 8.30 pm a few nights ago (in the midst of the biblical rain) and I was the only parent in a queue of 4 other cars-the others all being Ubers!
You think Uber is generally the safest choice. I get a notification when she uses the app, track her journey, always call her when she's in the cab and am notified when she reaches her destination.

I'd be furious OP and I'd be messaging the mother tomorrow saying how annoyed you are.

Wasn't there national news regarding unchecked Uber drivers and rapes? We don't even have Uber here and I heard all about it.

Chalk it down to experience and the next time their dd needs a lift don't offer or agree to give her one.

2 miles? I'd have just walked it at that age....

What a twat he is!! Ungrateful git!

I’d let a child go in a taxi, but not in an Uber. No way!! (Fine with her well built make friend, but not alone). Uber driver can be literally anyone.

I wouldn’t stop treating her friend as you always have becayse it’s for her & your DD- not her crap parents.

It’s fine to allow other parents to ‘do stuff’ you just now know you cant rely on her parents to do what they’ve said. But it’s been sorted, so try to let it go.

Hope you have a nice Christmas at the in-laws 🌲

Is the Uber thing not due to the drivers aren’t pvg’d? So shouldn’t be alone with under 18’s? It’s to protect both parties. (I think the rule may be different for regular cabbies, as I know they are allowed.)

I haven't been able to drive recently due to injury, so have had to have a cab to ferry DD (15) to some evening activities (not walkable - and we normally walk everywhere). I don't use Uber, though, as they were unreliable and I had too many problems when I tried to book them: instead, I use a local cab firm (I book it online via their app), and they have been 100% brilliant.