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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with DD's friends parents

100 replies

winterelf · 23/12/2019 21:42

DD (14) has a friend who stays
over at ours a lot when she's home from school. I take them places, feed her, drive them round and they stay in contact when she's away.

There's a party at a mutual friend's house tonight. DD and her friend invited. Initially i said DD couldn't go as we were having a family dinner but then she said that her friend's mum would take them and drop her home so she went out after the meal. She's to be home for 11.00. I CHECKED WITH THE MUM BEFORE AGREEING and this was the plan.

Just had a text. Apparently friend's dad is now on pick up as mum is, "out" and he doesn't want to drive DD "all the way" to ours so he'll pick her up as long as DD sleeps at their house. However we're leaving for the in-laws tomorrow at 9 so that just won't work. In contexts the houses are 2 miles away (admittedly in London) but no more than a 20 min round trip.

As DD was supposed to be getting a lift I had a large glass or red in the restaurant and am now not safe to drive. Nor is DH.

DD has said she'll get a cab but I'm so angry that my 14 year old has to do that on her own because the parents of a friend won't make the agreed 20 min round trip. Have texted mother but had no response.

DH has said we should never rely on other parents again, but surely sometimes you have to?

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 23/12/2019 22:47

You know what they REALLY think of you and your DD now OP.. don't pander to their needs anymore... Flowers

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 23/12/2019 22:47

That's incredibly mean of them and so ungrateful after all the lifts you've given their DD! Glad your DD found a good solution...I also had no idea about Uber's under-18's policy, my DD (also 14) isn't allowed to use it yet but several of her friends do.

I don't feel comfortable with her using it yet, but planned to in a couple of years. Guess that won't be happening.

Sparklybaublefest · 23/12/2019 22:50

couldnt you have tried to call to persuade?

pretty crap of him

ElfAndSafeKey · 23/12/2019 22:51

How large was this one glass of wine that has rendered you so intoxicated you cannot drive?

1 glass of wine knocks me out more than 4 pints of beer does.
OP is wise not to drive. Police are out in force checking this time of year, and you never know what will knock you over the limit.

averythinline · 23/12/2019 22:55

I cant belive people let their kids in Ubers? do you not watch the news ....
anyone can drive and uber there is no integrity in their processes..

I would be v pissed off in your position and unfortunately your DD s friend parents have shown how little they care so maybe think that next year if you are ferrying around their DC maybe they shoudl be sorting her lifts instead....

VanyaHargreeves · 23/12/2019 23:00

The people saying they'd walk the 2 miles

This is a 14 year old girl in the dead of winter at 11pm in London.

Anything could happen, come the fuck on.

Original poster
winterelf · 23/12/2019 23:01

She's home. Ãœber was fine. Apparently the party was a bit too uncontrolled (why is no one parenting any more?) so her nice friend left early with her. She's making him hot chocolate downstairs before his long walk home - to the next street.

She texted us from the kitchen.... DH and I are not allowed downstairs until he's left.

He's a nice lad..... Wink

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 23/12/2019 23:01

DH has said we should never rely on other parents again, but surely sometimes you have to? Nah, I have very few parents I trust. I would rather be doing pick ups/drop offs myself.

girlygirl98 · 23/12/2019 23:02

No way would I be allowing my 14 year old to get an Uber. I get a can and pick her up myself. Yes I'd be angry at parents but not worth losing the friendship over. Just don't trust them again

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 23/12/2019 23:07

Great! Silly question - why are you putting the umlaut on Uber? They're based out of San Francisco. Grin

Northernsoullover · 23/12/2019 23:13

I would have walked at that age too. But I won't even let my 16 year old walk these days. Too much gang related violence where I live. I'm glad she got back safely.

highheelsandweathercocks · 23/12/2019 23:18

Glad she's back and sounds like the rest of the night is going well for her too.

The other dad was an ass.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 23/12/2019 23:20

Yep, I usually cycled home from the town centre (2-3 miles) after a night out, but that was a country town with little traffic. I wouldn't let DD walk or cycle that distance at night now, it's too risky. Sad that things have come to this. Sad

Original poster
winterelf · 23/12/2019 23:22

Re the random umlaut on Uber - no idea why it's there. Presume autocorrect.... 😀

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 23/12/2019 23:23

I'm glad your dd is back - I'd be very annoyed with the other parents. I definitely think you should say something if they have the cheek to ask you to take their dd anywhere again!

TakeANote · 23/12/2019 23:26

DH and I like a drink in the evening and happily pick the dc up from friend’s houses on foot all the time. I’d rather have a glass of wine and a nice hour’s walk any time. DC always seem to enjoy it and we see foxes and all sorts in the night time. 2 miles is really not far!

bottlenose301 · 23/12/2019 23:27

Yeah that's not great from the other parents. I hope you at least get an apology.

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 23/12/2019 23:28

Wow that is seriously poor of that dad

Wonder if mum knew about his decision

I’d definitely be letting them know i wasn’t happy.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 23/12/2019 23:31

@TakeANote Two miles is nothing really but the OP lives in London and city neighbourhoods can change v. quickly.

I live in an American city and two miles in one direction would take me into a v. dangerous area - I wouldn't walk there during the day, let alone after dark.

lisag1969 · 23/12/2019 23:33

Maybe get a cab to their house and then come back with your daughter. You might feel more comfortable then.
Maybe also say to the dad how unfair you think he has been and you have never done that to their child. X

lisag1969 · 23/12/2019 23:38

Glad she's home. X

yikesanotherbooboo · 23/12/2019 23:44

Phew!
This scenario would have made my blood boil. There is no ' give and take' with some people .
Sorry OP .

impossible · 23/12/2019 23:45

Glad all's well. Have a good Christmas.

BaubleWobbler · 24/12/2019 00:28

You wont let your 15 DD stay over at a friend's house because she'll stay up all night? Isn't that the point? It's the holidays, learn to unclench!

GailCindy · 24/12/2019 08:52

Uber is safer than a normal taxi tank. You have to rely on the controller to write down your details. An Uber trip is on there forever. Apparently nearly none of the reported security incidents with Uber happened here. It happened in the US where the DBS system is different and it is easier to cheat. Here you just have to make sure the driver is the same as the picture and either way you have a record of who you went with.

The least safe are black cabs. When you pull one over you have little to no idea of their licensing and you don't have any details about the vehicle unless you write them down yourself.

When I spoke to Uber re Under 18s, they said they have family accounts for a reason and it is just that someone under 18 shouldn't own an account. They did say some drivers will not take kids alone and that is up to them but cancellation will not be charged for that..

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