To be angry with DD's friends parents

[winterelf]

DD (14) has a friend who stays
over at ours a lot when she's home from school. I take them places, feed her, drive them round and they stay in contact when she's away.

There's a party at a mutual friend's house tonight. DD and her friend invited. Initially i said DD couldn't go as we were having a family dinner but then she said that her friend's mum would take them and drop her home so she went out after the meal. She's to be home for 11.00. I CHECKED WITH THE MUM BEFORE AGREEING and this was the plan.

Just had a text. Apparently friend's dad is now on pick up as mum is, "out" and he doesn't want to drive DD "all the way" to ours so he'll pick her up as long as DD sleeps at their house. However we're leaving for the in-laws tomorrow at 9 so that just won't work. In contexts the houses are 2 miles away (admittedly in London) but no more than a 20 min round trip.

As DD was supposed to be getting a lift I had a large glass or red in the restaurant and am now not safe to drive. Nor is DH.

DD has said she'll get a cab but I'm so angry that my 14 year old has to do that on her own because the parents of a friend won't make the agreed 20 min round trip. Have texted mother but had no response.

DH has said we should never rely on other parents again, but surely sometimes you have to?

You did the right thing. I'd be fuming in your situation. Spoiled your night out.

I’d be furious! And I’d definitely send both of them a text tomorrow morning saying exactly that and there will be no more rides for their daughter in the future.

Your DD is 14, it’s a 35 minute walk which she could have done in the morning. You exclaim about the absence of parenting but I would question why a 14 year old isn’t expected to get her shit together.

My DD is twelve and she understands how public transport and how her bike works. I only collect her when it’s late. Since when has Uber been the safe option.

Your DD needs to start taking responsibility and she won’t do that if she has a chauffeur on call.

The girls parent does sound flaky and I would be annoyed but it only turned into an operation because you aren’t fostering independence in her.

Since when has Uber been the safe option
It is to easy to become an Uber driver, you have all sorts doing it.
I'd rather travel with a licenced driver who has a transport licence, is regulated and easily tracked.
When Uber is as big as it is in the states you'll find problems.

OP yanbu. I'd be seriously pissed off with the parent's. They knew you'd plans to travel today, plans that did not include an over tired teen and a detour.
I'd let the parent's know how you feel.
What was the outcome.

@Emeraldshamrock

They are licensed here and easily tracked. You need an enhanced criminal record check the same as a doctor or teacher.

@AgentJohnson what on Earth are you on about the DD had made a suitable arrangement which the dad then reneged on. What's knowing how a bike works got to do with it?

I would have to say something to the mum. Just calmly state it was disappointing she didn't keep the arrangement as you were on a tight schedule and leave it at that.

Don't rely on them again. They're assholes. It's unfortunate for their daughter who is not to blame.

Has the mum messaged you back, OP? I mean, it was her husband's doing to dump your DD, but as she made the arrangement she should at the very least offer an apology. And stop being a taxi to their DD!

Uber has lost its licence again in London because of how easy it is to cheat their checks ... I wouldn't let my child go in one on their own...

Have you been on the sherry already, AgentJohnson??? You honestly think it's appropriate for a 14-year-old to ride a bike or get a bus home alone at 11pm at night???

@averythinline

None of the security incidents happened in the UK.

Your DD needs to start taking responsibility and she won’t do that if she has a chauffeur on call

She needs to take responsibility? Shes 14 FFS!! Shes a child.

It's nice to hear that a nice young man made sure your DD got home safely. Quite shitty of the other parents to be honest, especially since you are doing so much for their DD. You'll be on your way to your parents now, have a good time and reign in the ferrying around you do for their DD!

And I hope the lesson you have learnt here is to stop ferrying the friend around. And let the parents know you are annoyed at them going back on their word

Hopeless and I would never trust them again. 20 minutes drive is not too much to ask is it? Maybe they had other issues eg no fuel, alcohol intoxication, childcare issues with any other kids, or other plans that couldnt fit into the plan. The only way to know is if you talk to them about the situation. My other option would be sending DD via cab with all checks and safety risks taken into consideration. Good luck x

Do you live in a nice suburb or village @AgentJohnson ?

As opposed to the nations capital where teens are frequently stabbed at random??

They had a driver who had previously been banned by TFL listed and have been prosecuted by tfl this year for insurance issues.. this is not US problems .. November this year so no not safe ...

@GailCindy Are you an Uber driver.

id be pretty annoyed with the friends parents and id probably tell them why

@averythinline

And a black cab driver was a serial rapist. Black cab drivers also cannot be regulated. Why do you think they haven't got rid of them? Nobody checks the credentials of black cab drivers. What I do know is that black cab drivers overcharge and that they were provided with a special DBS service during a backlog that saw teachers, nurses and doctors unable to work due to their absent DBS check.

This is nothing to do with Uber being unsafe. They just want to protect black cabbies

I've just found this on the uber website, under 18s are definitely not supposed to use the service unaccompanied but in reality the drivers don't say anything? Maybe they don't know either?

I'm back! Interesting about younger people being allowed on an Uber family account. Quite a relief. Honestly I'm relaxed about Uber. It genuinely feels like a safe option. The incidents are not in the UK and are far fewer than other cab options (mini cabs and black cabs. John Worboys anyone?)
To all those querying why we couldn't walk to get her I obv wasn't clear- party was miles away and there's 2 miles between us and DDs friend.

Mum texted me this morning. Very apologetic. Apparently father had "misunderstood". Hum. Anyway i said it had left us in a pickle but all worked out in the end. I just won't rely on her again.

Thanks everyone.

It sounds like the mum knew that her husband had fucked up.

It probably means that in future you could trust the mother if a similar situation arose but I would always make a point of asking her if she is doing the driving. So rather than complaining about the father it just gets your point across.