Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas Gifts - AIBU?!

55 replies

Mama8474749 · 23/12/2019 07:01

Ok, so I have a large family with lots of younger cousins! Generally speaking I spend around £15 per child and I’m quite happy to do so.

My son has been gifted something that is clearly second hand and worn... am I being unreasonable in being a little unhappy about this?!

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 23/12/2019 07:03

Is it all the gift giver can afford?

Totallycluelessoverhere · 23/12/2019 07:08

Are they environmentally conscious and only buy second hand where possible?
Is it all that they can afford?
Buying a secondhand gift might not be about stinginess they could hVe other genuine reasons for doing so. If you feel really aggrieved you could always buy second hand gifts for their child next year, if they re environmentally conscious they might prefer it.

KMoKMo · 23/12/2019 07:08

Impossible to say without more details.

puds11 · 23/12/2019 07:10

The planet is fucked so no you should just get over it. I wish more people were doing second hand or nothing at all. When did people become so present obsessed.

Tombliwho · 23/12/2019 07:10

Maybe they can't afford anything more. I couldn't afford £15 per child in my large family and I'd probably be embarrassed if someone did for mine and expected the same amount back.
You should teach your children that you don't give to receive.

GertiMJN · 23/12/2019 07:18

Is the item functional and appropriate for your ds? If yes, then yabu.

Out of interest, as its only dec 23rd how do you know?
Did the gift arrive unwrapped for your ds? Or did the family member bring it and give it to your ds?

Sexnotgender · 23/12/2019 08:10

I did think of the environmental aspect too after I posted whether it was all the giver could afford.

As long as the item is laundered then there’s nothing wrong with second hand, we all need to be a bit less bloody precious.

Original poster
Mama8474749 · 23/12/2019 10:05

Not so much functional as it’s too small for him (18-24months) and he’s 2.5.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mama8474749 · 23/12/2019 10:07

I don’t think so; they managed to purchase new presents for the other children in the family.

We all get together so the kids can open the presents together.

I’m not planning to take action but just wondering if I’m being silly by being a little upset about it!

OP posts:
Gardai · 23/12/2019 10:08

More details op - impossible to guess this.

Original poster
Mama8474749 · 23/12/2019 10:08

I don’t expect to receive it back but I don’t expect my child to be the only one out of 10+ kids to get a second hand gift...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mama8474749 · 23/12/2019 10:13

Sorry, I’m new to this!

Basically we have like 10 children under 18 between us all - and we all get gifts for each of them (I know it’s madness but it’s what we’ve always done)

My child was the only child who was given a second hand present.

The gift giver has 4 children who I’ve had to buy presents for.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 23/12/2019 10:18

Sorry I'd have to say something, in the New Year.

It's out of order. If they forgot, chocolate and money would have done.

Don't allow your child to be treated so badly. It isn't grabby or whatever posters on MN want to call it, when it's agreed that the children will get presents and yours is the only one left out.

FranticToddlerMum · 23/12/2019 10:20

Was it something they thought your DS would especially like? I wouldn't mind a second hand gift (n fact I'd prefer it to something generic) that had been carefully selected. If it was clearly just something they had lying around while everyone else got something new then yes I can see why you'd be annoyed. I wouldn't do anything about it but it's a bit rude.

bookmum08 · 23/12/2019 10:29

How do you know that all the other gifts weren't secondhand. I have bought a couple of recently published, as new condition books as gifts from charity shops. One was £1, 1 was 50p One is so recently published it is still on the new releases table at Waterstones.

Original poster
Mama8474749 · 23/12/2019 10:34

It’s very clear.

I actually think I remember her child wearing one of the items which makes me a little more sad ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Mama8474749 · 23/12/2019 10:35

She gave gifts of cash or brand new toys to every child... I think I remember her children wearing one of the items she gave to my son.

OP posts:
Skyejuly · 23/12/2019 10:37

Seems a bit strange. I'm not against used gifts at all. My MIL and I have same hobby and often give stuff we know the other would love from our collection as gifts but in this scenario it does seem a bit strange.

Lonelykettleshed · 23/12/2019 10:46

I would contact her to say that you need to exchange it for the next size and could she therefore let you have the receipt (but I can be passive aggressive).

shinynewapplesonachristmastree · 23/12/2019 10:47

Perhaps next year suggest you all cut back so at least you aren't spending so much money yourself.

misspiggy19 · 23/12/2019 10:51

She gave gifts of cash or brand new toys to every child...

^How cruel and mean. She did this on purpose.

GrumpyHoonMain · 23/12/2019 10:53

Her kids get a selection box to share then.

Wattagoose90 · 23/12/2019 11:00

I agree with lonelykettleshed.

Was there any thought behind it at all? E.g. Something your son is known to like?

EsmeSwan · 23/12/2019 11:01

YABU and ungrateful.

whatsinthebagwhatcoulditbe · 23/12/2019 11:05

"Thanks so much for the lovely item for DS, have you still got the receipt? It's actually a bit small for him as it's an 18-24m size, could we swap it for one in a larger size?". That should make the point.