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WWYD? AIBU? So confused...

63 replies

RockinAround · 22/12/2019 23:40

I’ve been married for nearly 20 years. Two DC. All good.

Before I met DH I was in a relationship, living with and briefly engaged to another man (let’s call him John). John and I were childhood friends and were together romantically for 5 years ...he was absolutely my ‘big’ love before I met DH.

Over the years John and I have had sporadic contact. DH aware. Mainly just the odd email or text updating on our lives. John also married and had three DC - marriage ended 3 years ago.

Fast forward to last year. Hadn’t heard from John in 4 years. He texted happy birthday to me which led to a text convo where I found out his marriage was over and he had stage 2 bowel cancer. It was a friendly but functional exchange. I wished him well, no further contact.

In the summer, a mutual friend told me John was ill . Bowel cancer had spread to his liver.
He was also stuck in a vicious court battle with ex wife over access to the children. I was sad for him. Sent a short message saying I hoped he was ok and that was it. He replied thanking me for my concern. Nothing more.

I’ve just had a message from him saying the cancer is now in his lungs and he is in a hospice. He’d like to see me. I would love to see him, too. He was my best childhood friend and my love for 5 years. He was a huge part of my life. I feel so sad to think he might leave the world without seeing him again.

Do I go and see him? Tell DH? Is it wrong or stupid to want to see him, even? I feel so confused.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

strawberry2017 · 23/12/2019 07:52

Feel like your over thinking your past history.
Go and see your friend, you will regret it if you don't. X

altiara · 23/12/2019 07:55

I’d tell DH how I’ll be is and that you want to go and visit him.
Agree doesn’t sound romantic, more the shock of about to lose someone your age makes you want to do the things you want to do.

noworklifebalance · 23/12/2019 07:58

Go. It may be one of your biggest regrets if you don't and will just eat at you, which will affect your relationship with your DH.

MrsPatterson2014 · 23/12/2019 08:01

Go - I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I visited my ex several times in the last 6 months of his life, we were living in different countries by then. I went to the funeral. My DH was fine and completely supported me.

redwoodmazza · 23/12/2019 08:01

Explain to your DH and then go and see your friend. If he's in a hospice, there's really not much time left, is there?

VolcanionSteamArtillery · 23/12/2019 08:02

If I was your DH Id be making you a sandwich and sending you on your way...
Who cares if it is romantic or not. The guy was a big part of your life and now dying, thats worth respecting

Bert2020 · 23/12/2019 08:09

Go, he needs to see someone who cares and a friendly face. Please go quickly as the end may be nearer than you think/hope.

Skidzer · 23/12/2019 08:13

Why wouldn't you?

Beautiful3 · 23/12/2019 08:21

Yes, go and see him but tell your husband. He wont object to you seeing a dying man.

Dolorabelle · 23/12/2019 08:29


Really, drop everything and go.

SimonJT · 23/12/2019 08:32


Just because a relationship ends it doesn’t mean you no longer love that person.

If your husband had a problem with it, at least you would find out that he’s a controlling arse and not worth your time.

TuppenceDarling · 23/12/2019 08:35


Moondancer73 · 23/12/2019 08:51

Please go - you'll regret it if you don't

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