WWYD? AIBU? So confused...

[RockinAround]

I’ve been married for nearly 20 years. Two DC. All good.

Before I met DH I was in a relationship, living with and briefly engaged to another man (let’s call him John). John and I were childhood friends and were together romantically for 5 years ...he was absolutely my ‘big’ love before I met DH.

Over the years John and I have had sporadic contact. DH aware. Mainly just the odd email or text updating on our lives. John also married and had three DC - marriage ended 3 years ago.

Fast forward to last year. Hadn’t heard from John in 4 years. He texted happy birthday to me which led to a text convo where I found out his marriage was over and he had stage 2 bowel cancer. It was a friendly but functional exchange. I wished him well, no further contact.

In the summer, a mutual friend told me John was ill . Bowel cancer had spread to his liver.
He was also stuck in a vicious court battle with ex wife over access to the children. I was sad for him. Sent a short message saying I hoped he was ok and that was it. He replied thanking me for my concern. Nothing more.

I’ve just had a message from him saying the cancer is now in his lungs and he is in a hospice. He’d like to see me. I would love to see him, too. He was my best childhood friend and my love for 5 years. He was a huge part of my life. I feel so sad to think he might leave the world without seeing him again.

Do I go and see him? Tell DH? Is it wrong or stupid to want to see him, even? I feel so confused.

[Moondancer73]

Please go - you'll regret it if you don't

[TuppenceDarling]

Go.

[SimonJT]

Go.

Just because a relationship ends it doesn’t mean you no longer love that person.

If your husband had a problem with it, at least you would find out that he’s a controlling arse and not worth your time.

[Dolorabelle]

Go!!!

Really, drop everything and go.

[Beautiful3]

Yes, go and see him but tell your husband. He wont object to you seeing a dying man.

[Skidzer]

Why wouldn't you?

[Bert2020]

Go, he needs to see someone who cares and a friendly face. Please go quickly as the end may be nearer than you think/hope.

[VolcanionSteamArtillery]

If I was your DH Id be making you a sandwich and sending you on your way...
Who cares if it is romantic or not. The guy was a big part of your life and now dying, thats worth respecting

[redwoodmazza]

Explain to your DH and then go and see your friend. If he's in a hospice, there's really not much time left, is there?

[MrsPatterson2014]

Go - I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I visited my ex several times in the last 6 months of his life, we were living in different countries by then. I went to the funeral. My DH was fine and completely supported me.

[noworklifebalance]

Go. It may be one of your biggest regrets if you don't and will just eat at you, which will affect your relationship with your DH.

[altiara]

I’d tell DH how I’ll be is and that you want to go and visit him.
Agree doesn’t sound romantic, more the shock of about to lose someone your age makes you want to do the things you want to do.

[strawberry2017]

Feel like your over thinking your past history.
Go and see your friend, you will regret it if you don't. X

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Go.

[homeishere]

You’re hardly to fuck his brains out on his death bed and run away with him are you?

It will be a nice chance to reminisce and show him some compassion. Go.

[Ithinkwerealonenowtiffany]

Go. You will only regret it if you don’t. Surely your DH will understand,

[GreyhoundzRool]

It wouldn’t even cross my mind that this was a romantic gesture -just a final goodbye to a good friend.

Please go if you can

[ElluesPichulobu]

of course you go to see him.

there are many different kinds of love. the love between you of romance and sex is over and done with and your partnered relationship finished many years ago but you still have a deep bond of "brotherly" love and friendship which has not and should not end. it is not disloyal to dh, you are not even thinking of rekindling an old flame or anything like that. this is not a matter of fidelity. this is a dying human being in pain who is your friend, and your visit will help him to get through his last few days on this earth. do not hesitate to go.

of course you should tell your dh that you are going. there is nothing to be ashamed of.

[TheTrollFairy]

Definitely go and tell DH. It doesn’t seem like a romantic gesture, it seems like someone seeing their friend of 25 years

[LaurieFairyCake]

Yes, go without guilt - you have done nothing wrong.

Comforting a dying man who you once loved deeply in no way says anything about your relationship with your own husband

[MKUltrachic]

Go. You care deeply, and ‘love’ isn’t a finite thing - you can still have feelings of love and fondness for an old friend, especially one in such dire circumstances.

[MarieG10]

I would go, but don't leave it long if he is in a hospice as the chances are that he has days left

[Glovesick]

Tell DH and go.

You will grieve and need DH's support, so be open.

[PragmaticWench]

It sounds as though you feel guilty for remembering your love for John, as though that impacts your relationship with your DH. It really doesn't, you've never been inappropriate with John whilst with your DH, and it's fine to have had a previous love.

Go without guilt and see John. It may well stir up lots of memories but that doesn't change your love for your DH or your marriage to him.

[Angie6868]

He's your friend. He's dying. Please go and see him