Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is this need for people to be in contact with their OH when they are on a night out?

95 replies

Waveysnail · 22/12/2019 11:10

Just that really. When dh goes out. Off he goes, usually stays at a friends so he doesnt wake me or the kids and we see him around lunch time/dinner the next day. I dont expect to hear from him at all. And when I go out he is the same. Dont feel the need to text him or call him when he is out or I am out.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 22/12/2019 11:11

I’m the same.
No idea why all the calls and texts, never seen an emergency one.

foamrolling · 22/12/2019 11:14

I don't expect to hear from him constantly but I would worry if he didn't turn up at roughly the time I expected him. So if I know the last train home is 11pm and I wake at 3am to find he's still not back then I would be worried and try to ring/text.

DinoSn0re · 22/12/2019 11:14

I often think it’s a trust thing. When I was with my ex DP I would get drawn into calling and texting him a lot. I couldn’t admit it at the time but it was because I was paranoid, I knew he wasn’t trustworthy (and I was later proved right).

With my DH, I trust him so wave him off on his merry way and happily enjoy the time to myself. I’d only contact him if there was an emergency.

feelingsinister · 22/12/2019 11:14

I have no idea. Sometimes I'll text if something funny has happened or if I need a key to be left out.

I don't have to tell him when I'll be home or check in with him but I would let him know if I wasn't coming home so he didn't worry.

Zillaindie · 22/12/2019 11:15

My OH rarely goes out since DTs have arrived. On the 3 occasions over the last 3 years he has:

  1. My waters broke
  2. DT1 ended up in a&e needing stitches after falling over
  3. DT2 projectile vomitted all over DT1 and me.

I have since begun to message him to tell him the house is not on fire and the kids are in bed so he can relax.

MsChnandlerBong · 22/12/2019 11:16

I agree with Dino, it's a trust thing in that those who do it probably don't have it!

Mr Bong was out last night and rolled in at half two. The only contact we had was when he text me at 2 to ask if I wanted pizza!

MsChnandlerBong · 22/12/2019 11:16

the house is not on fire 🤣 I like this!

missyB1 · 22/12/2019 11:17

So some people do things differently in their relationships to you? shock horror! Surely you understand it’s different strokes for different folks?
Some might say why the need to stay out all night and sleep elsewhere?

Personally I like coming home after a night out, maybe having a last little drink with dh who waits up for me, then snuggle up in bed together.

And both of us usually txts the other to say when we are on the way home.

JingleAllTheWayhohoho · 22/12/2019 11:17

I wouldn't text my DH on a night out. But if he wasn't home when he said he would be then I would massively worry, because he is not a dick, so would always let me know.

Oysterbabe · 22/12/2019 11:18

My kids are still little and DH might send a text asking if they went to bed OK but he doesn't need to, I don't expect contact from him. We've never lived in eachothers pockets though.

Keepmewarm · 22/12/2019 11:18

I agree. When we go out separately we tend to stay in hotels (too far from anything for taxis) and come home. We might send drunken I love you’s But don’t worry if we don’t.

Alarae · 22/12/2019 11:19

I trust my DH explicitly, so I don't text him when he does out unless he texts me first, as I want him to go out and have fun, not checking his phone.

Ironically it's DH that will often text me when I'm out, but it's normally just to check in and say he hopes I'm having a good time.

The only time we will check in will be if we are expecting the other home and that time has passed. It's not from a place of anger though, but concern.

Keepmewarm · 22/12/2019 11:20

Forgot to add, my ex would call or text constantly then I would get the silent treatment when I returned. He was jealous and controlling.

lazylinguist · 22/12/2019 11:20

I agree. Dh and I don't feel the need to constantly keep in touch if ine of us is out. It wouldn't occur to me tbh.

greenlynx · 22/12/2019 11:20

DH says what time he will be back and txt or phone me about change of plans, I do the same if I’m out. Otherwise the one who at home with DC txt only in case of genuine emergency.

CosmoK · 22/12/2019 11:23

It's not always a trust thing at all. Some people just like to stay in touch.

My and DH have zero trust issues but we keep in contact regularly throughout the day just chatting shit.....that's how it's always been. It's the same on a night out. It's not constant but we'll always send a few texts and always one to say we're on our way home. But we also do that when we're leaving work etc too.

Everyone's relationship is different. Surely that's not hard to understand?

Travelmumone · 22/12/2019 11:24

My dh is away at work at the moment...I haven’t spoken to him in over 2 days!! Omg...It doesn’t bother/worry me at al!!!

ThreeAnkleBiters · 22/12/2019 11:25

It's nothing to do with trust. Usually it's just common courtesy to know when your other half is likely to be back. If someone is going out drinking heavily and walking back late at night then it's natural for their other half to worry - because something could easily go wrong. It's hardly much effort to send occasional updates on what you're doing if plans change.

Steenac72 · 22/12/2019 11:26

@missyB1 we are the same as you and your DH. It’s not a trust thing it’s a caring thing. Myself and DH both check in to let the other person know we’re ok/ how the night is going / when we will be home. We don’t feel the need to have radio silence for 12 hours just because one of us is out Hmm

I personally think it’s weird that when people go out they feel like they can’t go home to their own house but have to stay with a friend....we would never do that.

Tinytimoteo · 22/12/2019 11:27

I think its nice to let them know. Its dangerous out there, its polite to update every 3 to 4 hours. Grin

InACheeseAndPickle · 22/12/2019 11:28

I actually quite like my husband and we like to stay in touch with each other. If either of us is coming back late out of politeness we'll let each other know when so they don't worry and can decide if they want to stay up etc. I wouldn't interrupt his evening to call him unless I needed to know some specific but if he was gone a long while he'd probably throw me a text to let me know if he was having a nice time and so would I. I guess it's just consideration combined with liking each other.

LakieLady · 22/12/2019 11:28

DH went out for a meal with people from work a couple of weeks ago. Far from texting etc, I nearly shat myself when I heard the front door open at 9.30 - I really didn't expect to see him before midnight.

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 22/12/2019 11:29

I don't think there is a trust/no contact correlation. DH and I text a couple of times when the other is out, usually good night and when coming home, sometimes something related to dc or as with his works Christmas party "can you come pick me up, they're going to the pub and I'm not in the mood"

Tinytimoteo · 22/12/2019 11:29

Like, we got off the airplane, wow hotel lovely, out for dinnet, we had a great time now good night, morning breakfast nice plannibg on x y z, then afternoon message and a good night call.

QueenofPain · 22/12/2019 11:29

Same as CosmoK.

If we’re not physically together, then we’ll generally be in touch via WhatsApp, might be a message every few hours or something like that, we aren’t in constant contact, and if he’s out it’s normally to make sure he’s having a good time as he doesn’t really like drinking, or that kind of drinking focussed night out.

We are just close and like to keep in touch. Thats all.