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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What is this need for people to be in contact with their OH when they are on a night out?

95 replies

Waveysnail · 22/12/2019 11:10

Just that really. When dh goes out. Off he goes, usually stays at a friends so he doesnt wake me or the kids and we see him around lunch time/dinner the next day. I dont expect to hear from him at all. And when I go out he is the same. Dont feel the need to text him or call him when he is out or I am out.

OP posts:

Straycatstrut · 22/12/2019 13:42

I only did when it got way over the time he was supposed to be back and I'm an anxious person. I wish I bloody wasn't and was like others and could switch off the moment he left and got to sleep. He made himself an easy target by staggering home drunk on his own.

Nannewnannew · 22/12/2019 13:55

This is going slightly off at an angle but when a friend comes to see me during the day, her husband will phone her to make sure she has got here ok? What on Earth is that about? We only live 10 miles apart! But maybe I’m just a jealous old bag as my exH never gave a shit whether I was safe or not. 😥

EmmiJay · 22/12/2019 13:58

Ahhh. Maybe this is where I've gone wrong in past relationships; I don't contact the man if he's out and about or if I'm out? In fact I decline any calls (unless its babysitter/child related) or read but don't reply to messages 🤣 I like to get drunk and dance in peace and I assume he wants to drink and pose in VIP in peace also. The way I see it is, we're both grown ups and you'll hear from me in the morning once the fog has cleared.

CosmoK · 22/12/2019 14:02

Some people don't need to keep in touch but they like to ... There's a difference.

Grumpos · 22/12/2019 14:15

Do you not think it’s generally just polite / nice to check in with the other?
Maybe I’m thinking of a situation like my own where I have a young child and I’m pregnant so it’s not just me cracking on with usual day / evening.

If OH went out at say 6pm I do think it’s nice if he just checks in - it doesn’t take two mins to send a “all ok?” Msg lets be honest. It’s not big deal to do it, so why not?

If we had no kids and I wasn’t pregnant and was out with my own friends I probably wouldn’t care either way but at the same time I might send him a funny msg about my night out or a pic of food / cocktail.

I think there’s definitely a difference between those who absolutely NEED to be in touch because of insecurity and those who generally just msg each other once or twice through the night because the other is home alone / childcare etc.

We’re not all insecure, can’t be alone losers!

Winterwoollies · 22/12/2019 14:35

I expect to hear from my OH if he’s on a ‘big’ night out. Not constantly, just checking in and saying hello. He often rings when he’s a bit merry as he’s cheerful and thinking of me. It’s nice. He also nearly died once so we do each other the courtesy of staying in touch with one another when we’re away so the other one doesn’t worry. It’s not obsessive, just sweet and we like to talk to each other.

Likethebattle · 22/12/2019 15:05

I Like to send random shit to my DH, like my Christmas night out when I sent him a picture of a puppy I was peering. I also let him know where I am. Anyone who remembers the Clutha disaster in Glasgow will maybe understand this. I helicopter crashed into a pub in Glasgow. Imagine you knew a loved one had been there but not if they’d moved on...

sparkly40 · 22/12/2019 16:46

Clearly never had any trust broken or actually just want to be in contact with your other half ! What a judgmental thread !

kitk · 22/12/2019 16:50

I don't expect him to text me on a night out but I do expect him to text if he's staying at a mate's when he's said he'll be coming home

GreenTulips · 22/12/2019 17:03

Anyone who remembers the Clutha disaster in Glasgow will maybe understand this

You’d still know, just a little later.

FullOfJellyBeans · 22/12/2019 17:27

Some people don't need to keep in touch but they like to ... There's a difference.

Pretty much, I also think it's common sense to have someone know where you are and when you're coming home in case something happens. I wouldn't interrupt my conversation to speak to DH but I'd let him know if plans change and if I have a minute drop a text to say how my evening's going see how he's getting on. I don't really care if other people are different in their relationship but we like things our way.

UndomesticHousewife · 22/12/2019 17:33

We sometimes message when we're out. Usually photos of our drinks or something stupid like that.
If he didn't arrive home and there was no contact then I'd think something had happened to him and vice versa.

Some people text and others don't everyone lives their lives differently.

Spikeyball · 22/12/2019 17:42

Dh always texts if he is out at night whether it is at work or out to let me know when he is setting off back. He may also text to check if ds with very high needs is ok. If one of us is away travelling we text regularly where we are ie when stopped at service station.

Vulpine · 22/12/2019 17:45

Yeah cos helicopters flying in to pubs happens alot

SalmonFajitas · 22/12/2019 18:04

Unless its happening to excess I really can't imagine why you'd be bothered about people texting their partners during a night out. It's polite to let someone know when you'll be home and apart from that some people just like to let their partner know about their evening when they have a spare minute. Me and DH miss each other when we travel for work so we actually look forward to talking on the phone and catching up with each other's days.

Chickoletta · 22/12/2019 18:05

When I’ve had a few drinks I feel the need to tell people that I love them. I often phone DH but also any close friends who are not with me. Embarrassing but probably better than getting into fights I guess.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 22/12/2019 18:14

I don't think OP is being a 'cool wife' either, I think she's enjoying being a bit of a goady fucker who understands perfectly but can't get through the day happily without causing a bit of anguish and upset.

All these threads are written by goady fuckers. Every.Last.One.

There, that feels better.

Creameggcountdown · 22/12/2019 18:14

Usually when there is a post on here about a partner not coming home there is trust issues mentioned by the op.

Pukkatea · 22/12/2019 18:16

I think it's polite to let my DP know what time I'll be home and I expect the same in return. But really it's not actually any of your business.

Rosebel · 22/12/2019 18:20

I only text or call him if he's late back. Otherwise I don't and I don't expect him to check in with me. However I do get very upset and worried when he says I'll be back at this time, then doesn't show up or answer his phone.

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