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Original poster

What is this need for people to be in contact with their OH when they are on a night out?

95 replies

Waveysnail · 22/12/2019 11:10

Just that really. When dh goes out. Off he goes, usually stays at a friends so he doesnt wake me or the kids and we see him around lunch time/dinner the next day. I dont expect to hear from him at all. And when I go out he is the same. Dont feel the need to text him or call him when he is out or I am out.

OP posts:
feelingsinister · 22/12/2019 11:30

I never know when I'm going to be home, it depends how the night is going surely? Maybe I'll be home after the pub or maybe we'll go somewhere else or back to someone's house. Guess people plan stuff more than I do.

NomNomNomNom · 22/12/2019 11:32

We wouldn't call unless one of us was out way later than expected and the other got worried but we usually text each other just to say how the evening is going or update about when we plan to be back. It's not much effort (I just do it automatically if I'm waiting at the bar or going to the loo) and we like hearing from each other.

Spudlet · 22/12/2019 11:32

DH generally lets me know when he’s on his way home, and not to wait up. I don’t go out in the evening much (actually neither of us do, we’re homebodies) but I’d do the same if I was catching a train.

DH also lets me know when he’s leaving work - just a habit we got into so I knew whether to put dinner in or not. And we both use Find Friends so I can always look and see if he’s making progress or stuck in traffic, and vice versa.

If DH ever didn’t come home from a night out without having prearranged that, I would be beside myself - it would be completely and utterly out of character for him. I would definitely assume he’d had a car crash or something! But he’s not a big drinker (living where we do we have to drive and even if we didn’t, he doesn’t like getting drunk) - it would be different if he was and it was normal for him.

WatchingTheMoon · 22/12/2019 11:32

It's hardly surprising that people have different types of relationships, is it?

I prefer not to be in touch either but I'm capable of understanding that other people might feel differently.

NomNomNomNom · 22/12/2019 11:33

Neither me nor my husband are huge drinkers but surely if someone decides last minute to go on a big bender and get back at 5am it's just polite to let their partner know because it's obviously going to affect family plans - they're not going to be in a fit state to get up next morning.

Bluerussian · 22/12/2019 11:34

GreenTulips Sun 22-Dec-19 11:11:20
I’m the same.
No idea why all the calls and texts, never seen an emergency one.
........
I'm the same! Mind you my husband didn't drink much. I only telephoned him once when he was out at a function and that was because part of the kitchen ceiling fell down and water was pouring through the hole :-).

Another time he was at a meeting in central London with his partner and when they were leaving to get a train, his leg gave way and he could hardly walk; partner put him in a black cab and phoned me to be waiting for him - husband phoned me from the cab when he was nearby and I helped him get indoors.

He always met up with ex colleagues before or after Christmas around lunch time in a pub; they'd eat, have a few drinks, reminisce and then make their different ways home, he was always back by 6.30pm latest.

I certainly wouldn't have phoned or texted him, what on earth for? Different of course if he still wasn't in by 3am, then I'd have worried about an accident but thankfully that never happened.

Fridaysgirl17 · 22/12/2019 11:35

I text my partner maybe two times when he's out, just to say I'm going to bed mainly, he'll let me know when he's on the way home or if he's staying out,we live rural with very little public transport esp at night so he stays with a mate, that's it, it's the same if I'm out 2/3 messages at most, usually about our DS or saying goodnight, I'd rarely ring unless it was an emergency

teablanket · 22/12/2019 11:35

It depends on circumstances for me. If plans change, it's polite to let the other know. If we're out in the city, we'll usually let the other know when we're on the train home. Otherwise, meh. Sometimes we send a few chatty messages, but it's not remotely noteworthy if we don't.

Ginger1982 · 22/12/2019 11:39

I think it depends. If DH is out, often he will message me just asking if DS went to bed ok but he would initiate that. He would also usually message to say when he was on his way home, as would I if I was out. If he was staying away overnight then he obviously wouldn't. Neither of us would message the other one randomly though.

PhoneLock · 22/12/2019 11:42

I can't remember the last time my DH sent me a text. He just isn't a mobile phone person. He has one, but rarely thinks to charge it or pick it up when he leaves the house.

LittleDragonGirl · 22/12/2019 11:43

The only time I take issue is if he says hell be back so and so time before he toddles off then I dont hear from him from him and the time he states has come and gone hours before. Then I start to worry that hes alright, and mainly try to get hold of him to find out if he wants picking up.
A example was a works do where he said he was only going for free food and stay long enough for it not to look like hes there for free food, he didn't rock up till 3 am 😂😂😂 he got a talking to about letting me know hes changed plans so I'm not worried something's happened, but not about actually staying out late. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️😂😂

Parker231 · 22/12/2019 11:44

If we’re on a night out we’ll text each other to give a rough idea of when we are planning on getting home. I work away quite often and due to time differences we just text to update each other on what is going on. The only time DH actually rang me when I was working away was when six year old DS broke his leg badly and needed surgery. I was working in Singapore and had a series of horrible flights to get home.

MsMellivora · 22/12/2019 11:44

Same here and when DH goes overseas with work, it’s a call or email to say he has arrived and then that’s it for a few days. If plans change then a msg should happen but that’s it.

I detest constant messaging generally though.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 22/12/2019 11:45

I actually quite like my husband and we like to stay in touch with each other.

I more than “quite like” my husband but I also like my friends. If I am with my friends then the only reason I would contact my husband is to tell him what time I’d like a lift! If he is away for work (usually only one night but sometimes two) he might send me a picture of the menu or wine list where he is staying to make me jealous 😆 and I’ve been known to respond with a picture of a shirtless hunk.. (sexist I know) or a pile of ironing... I certainly don’t feel the need to be in constant contact with him.

autumndreaming · 22/12/2019 11:49

We text as we usually would when apart but not as frequently....until I go to bed and then I just go to sleep! Same for him

Jaxhog · 22/12/2019 11:52

I don't expect to hear from him constantly but I would worry if he didn't turn up at roughly the time I expected him.

This. Especially if he decided to stay over somewhere.

MitziK · 22/12/2019 11:52

Courtesy, largely - a rough ETA or location helps to decide whether to lock the front door or not.

I've also done it when feeling uncomfortable on my way home and want to make certain he's up/the lights are on and he does it when plans change, so I don't wake up wondering where the fuck he is/is he dead in a ditch.

GreenTulips · 22/12/2019 11:52

If someone is going out drinking heavily and walking back late at night then it's natural for their other half to worry

Nope, I’ll be in bed asleep

I guess it's just consideration combined with liking each other

Ahhh..... the our relationship is obviously better because we text each other...... because you know those non texting types hate each other. Rubbish.

OverByYer · 22/12/2019 11:57

Safety thing? I let my husband know that I’m back , if I’m staying elsewhere.
Or if either of us stay out later than expected to let the other know so they don’t worry.
Or he might be out with mutual friends and will text ‘ X says hi, or X and his wife are having a baby’
No trust issues whatsoever

FitnessFad · 22/12/2019 11:59

I was like this. Totally fine with my OH going out, didn't expect any texts etc.
Turned out he was sleeping with one of the younger women he worked with.
Ì had zero trust issues before that. We're not together anymore, but in my next relationship I'll be taking it as a warning sign if I'm not hearing from them at least once whilst out. I think it's a respect thing.

cjpark · 22/12/2019 12:01

I don't get it either OP. if your DP knows where you are and when you will be home, I really don't see the need to be texting them over the course of the evening. It winds me up when i'm out with girlfriends and they are texting / ringing their partners. Live in the moment, appreciate who you are with at the time.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 22/12/2019 12:04

I don’t think it’s ‘constant contact’ but isn’t it normal to want to know roughly when your partner’s coming home? I like to know whether I’m likely to be woken up just as I’m drifting off to sleep or whether I might have the bed to myself all night!

Personally I find it a little strange that your partner goes out for the night and then doesn’t come home until dinner time the next day but every relationship is different!

Pfefferkuchen · 22/12/2019 12:04

Dont feel the need to text him or call him when he is out or I am out.

and that makes you feel superior because...?

What is this need for people to judge their own relationship based on other people's life?

StegosaurusRex · 22/12/2019 12:05

@MsChnandlerBong
The only contact we had was when he text me at 2 to ask if I wanted pizza!

Omg! He sounds amazing. Where can I get one like him?

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2019 12:06

I don’t feel the need to be in contact. What I would do (and would expect a partner to do) would let each other know of a change of plan.

It’s common courtesy.