DP gone awol after day/night out

[username272819]

So my DP went out at about 2pm with all his lad mates for a pub crawl.. He's spoke to me throughout the day so that's all fine. He messaged me at 1:30am saying he was at the pub round the corner from our house with all his mates and will be home soon. Said pub is genuinely 1 minute away. I was asleep when he messaged so didn't see it till 3:50am when I woke up and he still wasn't home. I rang him and he answered immediately which makes me think he had his phone in his hand and didn't mean to actually answer. It sounded like he was walking and I could hear people in the distance which sounded like girls being drunk loud IYKWIM?. He sounded all flustered and was talking really fast, he said "I'm going to be home really soon I'm right round the corner walking back from the pub, I'll be home in a minute, the pub had a lock in so was open till way later" so I said "oh okay well I'll stay on the phone to you until you're home then" He was then like "no it's okay I will be home really soon" he then hung up on me.. So immediately I'm thinking wtf, that was weird so I ring him back and it rings a few times and goes off. So I went and stood by the window and looked out for him since he should be walking on our road by now and he's no where to be seen.. This was at 4am.. I kept ringing him and he just kept cancelling the call and I messaged him a few times asking why he's being strange. He then replied to me by message but still ignoring my calls and said he was at his friends house (he put the name of his friend in the message) this person is someone I've never met but I know he exists because I've seen him on SM.. he also put that his phone was going to die.. I tried to ring him straight after and his phone immediately went to voicemail and my message didn't send to him. I don't believe his phone has died, I think he's turned it off.. but why?? I'm really confused, why did he say he was walking back from the pub and would be home really soon if he was at his friends house, I could hear girls in the background when I spoke on the phone to him but obviously I thought he was walking back from the pub but if he's at his mates house there's obviously girls there..
I'm just going a bit crazy here I dunno why I'm even writing this. Suppose I just needed to write it out and stop myself from messaging him when I know he's turned his phone off.. Aibu to be going this mental and to be thinking the worse?

YANBU. Sorry OP but that is seriously shady behaviour.

Sounds like he has gone on from the pub and fallen asleep somewhere. Not sure whether that's a random woman or his mates. He has either done something to feel guilty about - which is why he is acting guilty - or panicking that it's going to look bad if he says he got pissed and fell asleep somewhere so is acting fucking weird about it. Can't say which but I hope he is home soon

Sorry but sounds dodgy to me and he's doing something he knows he shouldn't. I would lock him out and message him to say don't bother coming back. Then go back to bed and turn your phone off.

You are not being unreasonable. He clearly lied about being just around the corner and nearly home when you called him. He's got some explaining to do when he eventually makes it home.

Well he's been out for a long time, must be very drunk, and is lying about where he is, so I don't blame you for worrying and beginning to feel annoyed with him too.

But of course there is currently no way of knowing where he is or who he's with so try to get some sleep. Once he's home and sober, you will need to have a conversation but I wouldn't recommend trying to have it when he first gets home.

Do you have him on Find my Friends or Snapchat, as those apps will tell you where he is? Or check Location Services on his phone when he gets home, if you have access.

Hi and I'm sorry to hear you are so worried and have missed a night's sleep. In your position, I would stop messaging DP (he has made it clear he is not going to answer for whatever reason) and go back to bed.

I don't think you will get any answers until he gets home.

I agree with @Chottie OP. Your partner has no intention of getting home anytime soon. For your own sake try and rest and deal with this when he gets back. I would be absolutely fuming so can understand completely where you are coming from.

I think he's pissed and having too good time to come home, that's all well and good when you haven't got any responsibilities but not so great otherwise. He's probably been roped into a party back at his mates along with a few others.

Still a bit shitty for you though!

Coke? And not the kind that comes in a tall glass with ice and lemon.

Don't let your imagination get away with you. It is plausible that he was at a lock in and is now at a mate's house, or a stranger's house with his mates, and has turned his phone off because he doesn't want to come home yet or keep being interrupted, or is too drunk to explain himself clearly. He's being thoughtless and rude, but it doesn't mean he's done anything unforgivable.

Hope he turns up soon. That’s strange behaviour. Is this a one off or has he done it before?

Mines also gone awol tonight

I know I won't be able to sleep until I know he's back home which is so frustrating! I wish I could just switch off but I just keep replaying the weirdness of the phone call in my head. He was talking so fast and then hung up so quick. I'm beginning to wonder if he's done drugs or something.. I don't know how his behavior would be like on them since I've never seen him on them before but I know he used to do them when he was younger and I know that his friends who he's out with are known to do drugs. I 100% will not allow him in the house if I think he's done drugs, if he's not like he is when he drinks once he's home and I suspect drugs then he's sleeping on the pavement!

My dp used to have form for this. He would back himself into a corner lying. For example saying he and his mates were at a local pub when they were actually in the town nearby or had decided they were all going back to a mates for more beer. Being out with a different group of people and being very merry, it might all seem the best idea to continue the fun.

I have been furious - especially once our dc came along as it would invariably be the days where I had something planned for myself the next day. He'd be super hungover and I'd have to change my plans. Fortunately he seems to have grown out of it now.

@WendyMoiraAngelaDarling how would one act if they was in coke?

*on coke

It was the flustered and talking fast thing that made me think it. I've been around a lot of Coke users in my time - used to manage a late night bar and made a lot of bar related "friends", and talking fast and urgently was one of the signs. Plus he's out all night and seems to be with a load of randomers and won't answer the phone to you. Would you disapprove and would he know you would? I could be entirely wrong and there are many reasons he could have stayed out but that was my first thought.

Sorry missed your last post about how he used to use drugs. Now I definitely think it's that.

I'm sorry OP he's definitely lying to you but the question is - what is he trying to cover up?

@WendyMoiraAngelaDarling I know he used to do coke occasionally when he was younger but this was way before we even met. I'm thinking it could be that now because why else would he be acting so shady. Either that or he's cheated. I've heard that people take coke to stay awake? Is this true ?

Just wondering since he would of been up all night..

Erhhhh the thought of him sniffing coke is actually repulsing me

I don't know if they take it specifically to stay awake so much but that one of the side effects is not being able to sleep and once you get started and there's plenty to use you wouldn't want to until it was all gone anyway. People who use it aren't thinking straight - obvs - and while it's available then the party will keep going and they won't be prioritising being a dutiful and thoughtful partner.

Go to bed and try to sleep.
When he comes in and tries to sleep, get up and deep clean he house making a shit tone of noise

Do try to get some sleep, username. You staying awake is not helping anyone, least of all you. Have a nice glass of something and go to bed. You'll find out later in the morning, he'll probably feel guilty for making a night of it but that doesn't mean there is anything suspicious going on. As someone else said, he may have fallen into a drunken sleep for a while.

I hope he gets back soon. Do let us know that all is well. I presume you have children in bed or you could have gone out to meet him.