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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP gone awol after day/night out

77 replies

username272819 · 22/12/2019 05:08

So my DP went out at about 2pm with all his lad mates for a pub crawl.. He's spoke to me throughout the day so that's all fine. He messaged me at 1:30am saying he was at the pub round the corner from our house with all his mates and will be home soon. Said pub is genuinely 1 minute away. I was asleep when he messaged so didn't see it till 3:50am when I woke up and he still wasn't home. I rang him and he answered immediately which makes me think he had his phone in his hand and didn't mean to actually answer. It sounded like he was walking and I could hear people in the distance which sounded like girls being drunk loud IYKWIM?. He sounded all flustered and was talking really fast, he said "I'm going to be home really soon I'm right round the corner walking back from the pub, I'll be home in a minute, the pub had a lock in so was open till way later" so I said "oh okay well I'll stay on the phone to you until you're home then" He was then like "no it's okay I will be home really soon" he then hung up on me.. So immediately I'm thinking wtf, that was weird so I ring him back and it rings a few times and goes off. So I went and stood by the window and looked out for him since he should be walking on our road by now and he's no where to be seen.. This was at 4am.. I kept ringing him and he just kept cancelling the call and I messaged him a few times asking why he's being strange. He then replied to me by message but still ignoring my calls and said he was at his friends house (he put the name of his friend in the message) this person is someone I've never met but I know he exists because I've seen him on SM.. he also put that his phone was going to die.. I tried to ring him straight after and his phone immediately went to voicemail and my message didn't send to him. I don't believe his phone has died, I think he's turned it off.. but why?? I'm really confused, why did he say he was walking back from the pub and would be home really soon if he was at his friends house, I could hear girls in the background when I spoke on the phone to him but obviously I thought he was walking back from the pub but if he's at his mates house there's obviously girls there..
I'm just going a bit crazy here I dunno why I'm even writing this. Suppose I just needed to write it out and stop myself from messaging him when I know he's turned his phone off.. Aibu to be going this mental and to be thinking the worse?

OP posts:
happycamper11 · 22/12/2019 05:41

He said it to get you off the phone, he's having a good time and thinks it's worth the consequences in the morning to lie to you to carry on having it. He'll likely regret that once hungover. I'd be tempted to have his bags packed for him in the morning as this is no losing track of time it's out right lies and now deliberate avoidance. Does he have form for this?

Original poster
username272819 · 22/12/2019 05:44

It's so frustrating because I would never dream of doing this to him! We've got a very young baby and she's fast asleep in her crib next to me so best believe he's not coming in the house if he's done drugs!

OP posts:
AmurderIsAnnounced · 22/12/2019 05:45

Very suspicious behaviour. My ex used to pull such stunts, one of the very many reasons I left him.

Original poster
username272819 · 22/12/2019 05:47

He very rarely goes out but seems to be back late when he does but he's always messaged and spoke on the phone throughout so I've not minded. The last time he went out I spoke to him on the phone and he was going to stay out a bit longer but then turned up home 15 minutes later because he said he missed me and wanted a cuddle..
So this is out of character to be so shady and go awol..

OP posts:
TheFuckingDogs · 22/12/2019 05:49

Depends how much booze they have also had but generally fairly hyper/alert, talking too much possibly sniffing and maybe touching nose more than they would otherwise if a bit paranoid about powder residue. And unable to sleep at 5am despite being on the booze all day Grin

Original poster
username272819 · 22/12/2019 07:56

He's home..

OP posts:
Singlebutmarried · 22/12/2019 08:00

Hopefully with a raging hangover, but not the sick that goes with it.

I wouldn’t automatically assume he’s been on coke or whatever. It is possible to stay up drinking til the very early hours without it.

I’m betting a party back at someone’s house and he’s gone along.

Hopefully returned with both eyebrows.

silverfridge21 · 22/12/2019 08:02

How's he explained himself?

cocomelon23 · 22/12/2019 08:20

How is he?

Chosennonetosurvive · 22/12/2019 08:22

I'm glad he's home OP. Probably worse for wear. How are you playing it now?
For what it's worth i had a few incidents like this when DH was younger and basically told him it wasn't acceptable and step up to fatherhood or move out and live the single life.
You may feel its ok as a one off and that is up to you to discuss and maybe plan your own 18 hour bender when DD is his whole responsibility.

Original poster
username272819 · 22/12/2019 08:22

I don't think he's been doing coke.. As soon as I heard that front door opening I was down there like the flash, all guns blazing. I've had a huge go.. He asked me if I could be quiet because he has a headache and feels ill? I mean how dare he!! He's been throwing up everywhere. I demanded he explain himself. He kept saying sorry and said that a few of them went back to his friends, the girls I heard were his mum and sisters which I dunno if I fully believe. He said that he drank too much and has been really ill, being sick everywhere and woke up on his friends sofa and everyone had gone so he felt awkward and left, he said he had to walk back which was a 20 minute walk and has been really sick all the way home.. I've given him a bowl and told him to sleep on the sofa because I don't want to see his face whilst I'm chilling in bed. DD is now awake and I'm absolutely exhausted!

OP posts:
silverfridge21 · 22/12/2019 08:25

Would his mum and sisters lie to you to cover for him?

puds11 · 22/12/2019 08:26

Christ. What is with all these fuckwit men. There’s another thread exactly the same currently going.

Ugzbugz · 22/12/2019 08:27

Sounds like he did lie but just got carried away. Doesnt sound like he was cheating. They probably all went for drinks and carried on, if he fell asleep chances are he wasnt doing coke. You will know if he was if he suddenly develops a 'cold'.

Original poster
username272819 · 22/12/2019 08:31

I know he's lying about his phone dying because he put it on charge and whilst I was having a go at him I picked up his phone which he had only just put on charge and it was half way charged.. there's no way it would charge half way in 5 minutes from being completely dead..

OP posts:
lisasimpsonssaxophone · 22/12/2019 08:32

His mum and sisters? Walking to his mate’s house at 4am after a lock in at the pub?

Really?

So sorry OP. He sounds like a massive liar who just can’t stop himself!

Daisydoola · 22/12/2019 08:35

Mum and sisters? These men must think we are idiots.

Myheadisamess31 · 22/12/2019 08:40

My DB does the disappearing act frequently to my SIL and everytime he has done it it's not because of other women it's because he's been doing coke.

Original poster
username272819 · 22/12/2019 08:40

I know! I mean why would his mom and sisters be round his house being all loud at 4am.. It's just bizarre especially because he's a grown man..
I wouldn't of even cared if he said yeah there was girls there cause that doesn't mean he's cheated just because girls were there.. But he felt like he needed to lie for some reason or maybe his mom and sisters were who I really heard? I guess I'll never know! So strange..

OP posts:
Original poster
username272819 · 22/12/2019 08:43

@lisasimpsonssaxophone I assume he lied about the walking home from the pub. I think when I spoke on the phone to him he was already at his mates and was outside with whoever the girls were, accidentally answered the phone and then started walking away from the house as he spoke to me on the phone so I couldn't hear girls..
Just a theory but I could be wrong because at this point I have no idea what to believe!

OP posts:
justilou1 · 22/12/2019 08:43

Why would his mum and sisters facilitate him lying? Give them a call now.

Original poster
username272819 · 22/12/2019 08:46

I don't know the friend who's house he was at.. I've never met him or spoke to him.. for all I know he doesn't even have sisters Hmm

OP posts:
GrumpyInsomniac · 22/12/2019 08:47

I'd be tempted to give his Mum a ring and thank her for looking after him when he was so unwell, and letting her know he got home safely so she can stop worrying. But that's because I know MIL would give DH living hell if he lied to me.

He's clearly been a twat. The question is, how much of one.

Whatsername177 · 22/12/2019 08:48

His lies will fall apart of you push him. This will be an unpopular opinion, but, I'd let him sleep then go through all of his stuff whilst he is comatose. I might even text his mate pretending to be him. I'd get me answers one way or another. However, I've been lied to before for weeks before finding out. Never again.

rainbowstardrops · 22/12/2019 08:49

Well he clearly lied to you but it's why he felt as if he needed to lie that's the issue. Why do these idiot men say they're literally a minute away from home and then disappear for hours? Madness!
Oh and I wouldn't be bloody quiet! I'd make as much noise as I could!

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