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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH sick or inured EVERY Christmas

86 replies

CornishPorsche · 21/12/2019 20:30

OK, bar one.

In the last 6 years DH has been either sick (viral heart related infection, bad cold/man flu) or injured (very sore back involving the dressing gown of doom, a refusal of pain meds and plenty of grunts, moans, and twitching).

The only year this hasn't happened for him was when we went to his family.

I KNOW he can't help it, especially the pericarditis, but FFS.

AIBU to stuff painkillers in him because he had sore back again and insist he gets in the car with me on Monday do I can drive us, the dog and a car full of presents for 6hrs to my brother's?

Or maybe a convenient patio would suffice.

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 21/12/2019 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maras2 · 21/12/2019 20:43

Totally agree with flouncy

Original poster
CornishPorsche · 21/12/2019 20:44

I killed the microwave 6 months ago and we haven't replaced it. I can leave the basics for him, and we have a mate who would likely move in with a couple of crates of beer for Christmas Dinner.

OP posts:
paranoidmum2 · 21/12/2019 20:46

Just leave him behind. You don't need his grunts moans and twitching at Christmas!

Let him rest in his dressing gown of doom.

HavelockVetinari · 21/12/2019 20:48

So he's apparently in pain but won't take pain killers? Hmm

Nah, apart from the pericarditis he's malingering to opt out of the hassle of Christmas. What a prick.

Ponoka7 · 21/12/2019 20:48

So he puts this on to avoid your family meet up?

You should stuff him full of painkillers and make him go with you.

justonecottonpickingminute · 21/12/2019 20:49

I have had pericarditis. It mimics a heart attack (to the degree that heart attack survivors who then suffer from it cannot tell the difference). It was the worst thing I've ever experienced. So on that front, YABU not to be sympathetic.

(As far as manflu, though, tell him to put his big boy pants on and get a grip! Grin)

OurChristmasMiracle · 21/12/2019 20:50

I am your DH. Every single year within the week before Xmas I WILL get flu 🤒 there’s nothing I can do to prevent it either (believe me I’ve tried) it’s like my body just shuts down. It’s like “another year over, and crash”.

Unfortunately despite feeling dying I’ve needed to go food shopping, present shopping, clean the house and I’m about to wrap presents, no dressing gown of doom for me! Or at least not until about 11 tonight anyway.

I would leave him behind. It’s kinder for all involved.

flouncyfanny · 21/12/2019 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

7Days · 21/12/2019 20:54

Oh God maybe I'm projecting but I want to strangle your DH! apart from the heart infection.

You say he has a mate with a slab of cans. Let them get on with it then.

Realistically. What would happen if you made it possible for DH and good old mate Slabby to sink into the cans in the 26th?
Just out of interest.
It might provoke a miraculous recovery for Christmas itself

Grr. PA bullshit

Original poster
CornishPorsche · 21/12/2019 20:55

@justonecottonpickingminute Ah but he had piles of sympathy at the time. He's also had it 3 times, the malingering twat. I took great delight in watching a nurse berate him for refusing to go to A&E the third time, as his blood pressure was through the floor amongst other things. I literally frogmarched him to the car that night, having threatened him with an ambulance (begged me not to call 999).

You have all my sympathy, as it genuinely is awful.

OP posts:
NaviSprite · 21/12/2019 21:00

My DH who has also been suffering from Pericarditis for 12 months says it sounds more like affected laziness to get out of doing something. It’s true Pericarditis is extremely painful, even on his meds DH really struggles when he comes down with a viral infection - but I have to send him to bed to rest rather than him saying he’s too ill to participate in something.

mbosnz · 21/12/2019 21:03

Patio and a leg of lamb.

GrumpyHoonMain · 21/12/2019 21:03

pericarditis is like flu. The male version always results in more ‘severe’ symptoms.

Echobelly · 21/12/2019 21:04

TBF, some people do totally collapse and get ill when the Christmas break approaches - I wonder if men are more prone to this because fewer of them are actually doing all the things while their wives/partners are not getting to 'relax' over the Christmas break

DH quite regularly has his one bad illness of the year over Christmas - fortunately we don't celebrate, as we're Jewish, so it doesn't have too much of an impact, but we're not unseldom on holiday where obviously it can spoil things a bit. And I do think it is an 'end of term' thing where he kind of 'lets himself be ill' because he's not working for a week or two. Fortunately (if you can call it that), he's just had a bad virus that lasted quite some time so that should mean he won't be ill when we go away next week!

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/12/2019 21:05

I'd be ill if I had to spend 6 hours in the car just before Christmas.

Dozer · 21/12/2019 21:05

What are the likely causes of his back pain? Is he poor with self care in general?

MrsMozartMkII · 21/12/2019 21:06

Leave him behind, one way or another (the patio option sounds tempting!).

Original poster
CornishPorsche · 21/12/2019 21:09

@Dozer no, he's in the Navy. Walks around 30-40,000 steps per day. Absolutely shite at taking any medication, prescribed or OTC.

He's slunk off to bed now, asking for pills and a pint of water. We'll see how he is in the morning - I may decamp to the spare room....

OP posts:
ChristmassySpice · 21/12/2019 21:09

I'm actually totally sick of this sort of shit. People need to take responsibility for their own health. I do. If I'm ill (like I was last Chriatmas with Cellulitis) I still have to be Mum. Still have to do Christmas. Nobody else is going to step in and do it for me.
And that's the problem.

BikeRunSki · 21/12/2019 21:10

DH is ill every holiday. He’s has a stomach infection in Cornwall, been bed bound with actual flu in Paris, and goodness knows what else in many corners of the UK and Europe. Strangely, before we had DC, he could manage both short and long haul journeys quite successfully, with no health problems at all. Hmm.

He finished work yesterday. We are going to my mum’s (250 miles away) on Monday. I. Fully expecting him to develop appendicitis or something tommorow.

BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2019 21:10

Sorry but he's AT IT ?!

Junie70 · 21/12/2019 21:11

I'd leave him at home, and keep sending texts about what a great time you're all having.

He sounds like a fun sponge, OP. Is he like this at other times of the year?

Original poster
CornishPorsche · 21/12/2019 21:11

@Echobelly yes, it's possible, but seems odd that his back would go so spectacularly only a few days before Xmas on the two occasions it's ever happened! He thinks he's jinxed. I think that if he dosed up, he'd be surprised at how much less pain he'd be in.

OP posts:
Original poster
CornishPorsche · 21/12/2019 21:14

6hrs by the way is Cornwall to Yorkshire. I'd need to take the dog, as at present there's no way he could walk her.

Not normally a fun sponge no, but he's been moaning about going to my DB for Christmas but failed to offer an alternative, so tough.

OP posts: