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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH sick or inured EVERY Christmas

86 replies

CornishPorsche · 21/12/2019 20:30

OK, bar one.

In the last 6 years DH has been either sick (viral heart related infection, bad cold/man flu) or injured (very sore back involving the dressing gown of doom, a refusal of pain meds and plenty of grunts, moans, and twitching).

The only year this hasn't happened for him was when we went to his family.

I KNOW he can't help it, especially the pericarditis, but FFS.

AIBU to stuff painkillers in him because he had sore back again and insist he gets in the car with me on Monday do I can drive us, the dog and a car full of presents for 6hrs to my brother's?

Or maybe a convenient patio would suffice.

OP posts:
Dozer · 22/12/2019 06:13

Yes, appreciate that people with chronic, painful health issues often make decisions to do things despite the pain.

fligglepige · 22/12/2019 06:17

Mine always gets sick when we go on holiday. It's like the plane lands, I get a cocktail in my hand and boom! Man flu. Annoying.

Iamthewombat · 22/12/2019 06:20

Dressing gown of doom Grin

Slipper schlep Grin

Oh yes, I recognise these. Does he also grow the facial hair of dismay and talk in a bleating voice?

I knew that you’d get loads of people piling in with “I am very, very ill and you are unreasonable” (in fact, there are few threads without a contribution of this nature) but I’m firmly in the ‘malingering twat’ camp.

TheReef · 22/12/2019 06:26

This was My Mum. My parents moved to wales, 6 hrs away. We visited once with the kids, at the same time as my db and his kids, she was ill and in bed the entire week, I saw her for a grand sum if 2 hrs.

I used to feel so sorry for my Dad as every time they arranged to go out she's be struck down with illness. I never doubted the fact she was poorly, but it was never a cold, always flu, never a sore throat, always tonsillitis, you get the picture. We came to the conclusion that social situations stressed her out and made her ill.

Dozer · 22/12/2019 06:28

Sure, some men malinger, and OP’s H may be. But people do get back pain and this can become serious and chronic. It sounds like OP’s DH has an intensely physically demanding job, and the previous health things OP mentions aren’t minor, don’t sound like malingering, the back pain may not be either.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 22/12/2019 06:44

What an absolute twat.
buy a microwave, you'd pick up one for small money in Asda or Tesco.
take the dog with you to your bro's.
leave the miserable bastard at home.
he's a tit.

PhilCornwall1 · 22/12/2019 06:54

If he's in pain, he should be taking painkillers, it's bloody obvious. I have severe Rheumatoid Arthritis (now that does bloody hurt!!) and I bang back the painkillers along with all the other things I have to take.

My attitude is, sod being in a tonne of pain when I can do something about it. Whilst it won't get rid of the pain totally, it means I can get on and do stuff.

He needs to help himself!!

Dozer · 22/12/2019 06:59

Agree he should take painkillers, but they won’t treat the cause of the problem, which at present is unknown. Important to seek to find out what it is.

emmathedilemma · 22/12/2019 07:07

Crush paracetamol and ibuprofen up in his tea so he doesn't know he's taking it? Or little bits of boiled ham......oh no, that's dogs.....

SnorkMaiden81 · 22/12/2019 07:15

Hate to be a cynic and all sympathy for his health conditions, but he's completely having you on.

He just can't be arsed with it all.
Hate men like this.

Booberella9 · 22/12/2019 07:16

Oh god the facial hair of dismay! Can't stand to look at him!

My DH also miraculously becomes ill every time we have leave booked. He powers on to work, does too many hours and never takes time off but actual relaxation planned and boom, manflu / food poisoning etc. I used to wait on him, now I just bollock him for overinvesting in work at the expense of his own health yet again. I feel your pain OP.

StarlingsInSummer · 22/12/2019 07:20

he's now been slathered in diclofenac cream, and currently snoring in bed after a naproxen and two large co-codamol.

He really shouldn’t be taking two NSAIDs like diclofenac and naproxen together, even though the diclofenac is a cream. I appreciate he’s being annoying but I’m sure you don’t actually want to overdose him!

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/12/2019 07:33

Any man who is somehow only well they year you go to his family would make me suspicious, to be honest.

FubbyChucker · 22/12/2019 07:36

Rather than driving all the way to Yorkshire, could you not meet your family halfway?

FubbyChucker · 22/12/2019 07:42

Ignore my suggestion, just reread that you're going for Christmas., not a present dropoff Xmas Blush

fuckitywhy · 22/12/2019 07:45

I'm with Dozer. From what you've written it sounds like he's generally a very hardworking person with an exhausting job, and he then happens to get sick during holidays when he rests. That happens to a lot of people and some of the comments here are incredibly mean.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 22/12/2019 07:46

In my family we like to take turns being ill. Doesn't seem to be Christmas unless someone is oozing snot, running a temperature or generally unable to get up.
One year it was me. I took all medicine I could get my hands on and beat back the killer cold, only to discover that I'd also temporarily lost my sense of taste and smell. Christmas dinner wasn't so fun for me that year.
In your shoes op I'd be planning on going without him. If he does come he's just going to sit there with a face like a sad fish. He'll make little "oof oof" noises every time he needs to move and by the end of the festive break you'll be wanting to shove holly up his arse.

codenameduchess · 22/12/2019 07:55

I'd leave him behind, he can fend for himself and you won't have to listen to the complaining or grunting!

My dh is the same for any occasion, always ill and bitching about it. Including the birth of our second child, where he moaned about a bad back while I was in labour and while me and baby were in hospital brought older DD in so he could have a nap while I looked after both kids.... he's got a bad back now and whimpers every time he moves, I'm ignoring it. He gets no reaction. It's all because he doesn't look after himself - shit diet and no exercise.

Fr0g · 22/12/2019 07:56

a few years back, I had several years of fluey/coldy collapse in my sisters spare room for a week.
I was in a v stressful job at the time, and I think it was a too busy to get sick at work mode.

leaving him to get on with it with a few cans of beans/soup whatever and escaping to have fun and forget it seems a great idea.

PhilCornwall1 · 22/12/2019 07:58

I'd leave him behind, he can fend for himself and you won't have to listen to the complaining or grunting!

I guess if the OP did that, would he make a pain in the arse of himself by phoning/messaging saying how bad he is and can't cope and trying put guilt trip her?

PhilCornwall1 · 22/12/2019 07:59

trying put guilt trip her?

Trying to guilt trip her that should say.

AllYouGoodGoodPeople · 22/12/2019 08:26

Painkillers cab be addictive and have nasty side effects so I’m not surprised he refuses to take them Ah so that's when my DH dons his dressing gown of doom and takes half a paracetamol, he's still complaining about being in pain 3 days later?

How is the malingering twat this morning?

astuz · 22/12/2019 08:31

To be fair to your DH, I started a thread recently about the fact that I was sick of travelling all over the country every Xmas. For us, this year, my DH wanted to visit my DB 300 miles away. None of my BiLs ever visit us. Almost everyone said that my DH was being unreasonable.

So, it depends on the circumstances - if it's always you doing the travelling every year, then maybe he'd just prefer to stay at home this year. BUT, if this is true, then he needs to voice his opinions in an adult way (and you need to listen to them), rather than just feigning(?) illness.

We're not going anywhere now this year, and I am so looking forward to relaxing in front of the TV, and basically just doing nothing for 3 days. I've had a really stressful year, and this is something I need.

Maybe you need to talk to him about why he's always 'ill' this time of year, and ask him what his dream Xmas would be? And maybe at least once every few years, you need to do the Xmas that he wants.

I also echo PPs about him spending Xmas at home, and you going away - I would have been more than happy if my DH had done this. A nice quiet house over Xmas would be a dream this year. DH has decided he's going to stay home though (which I knew he would once I said I wasn't going).

CrazyMoma · 22/12/2019 08:48

OP you have my sympathy. My DH is exactly the same, at Xmas before we go on holiday or if there is work to be done in the house. He gets a slight sniffle & then he takes himself off to bed every night, offers no help whatsoever with the Christmas prep Sad he refuses any meds but, will then proceed to tell me about every ache, the fact that he's "dying", never felt so bad etc the fact he REFUSES to take meds to stop him "burning up" says to me he ain't that bad. Also, my DH miraculously always recovers to attend his Xmas parties (all 3 of them!!) & to attend & watch football night games. Taking the piss!! Other than your DH heart illness i would simply ignore him. It's very frustrating & sad really that they see us running raggered & don't feel guilty about it at all. I would ask you DH if he feels well enough to travel with you if not i would go to your families house & have a few days break from him. oh & i wouldn't buy him a microwave let him sort himself out, you can warm soup on the hob!!

NeverForgetYourDreams · 22/12/2019 09:05

Yup mine had a bad back last year. And this year he's got leg pains. We just ignore his moans when he gets up...!

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