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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH sick or inured EVERY Christmas

86 replies

CornishPorsche · 21/12/2019 20:30

OK, bar one.

In the last 6 years DH has been either sick (viral heart related infection, bad cold/man flu) or injured (very sore back involving the dressing gown of doom, a refusal of pain meds and plenty of grunts, moans, and twitching).

The only year this hasn't happened for him was when we went to his family.

I KNOW he can't help it, especially the pericarditis, but FFS.

AIBU to stuff painkillers in him because he had sore back again and insist he gets in the car with me on Monday do I can drive us, the dog and a car full of presents for 6hrs to my brother's?

Or maybe a convenient patio would suffice.

OP posts:
Witchend · 21/12/2019 21:20

I'm often ill on holidays, have been since I was a child.
It's very frustrating from my side. I almost never am ill other times, but take a week off and I'll certainly spend the first couple of days ill.

If his back is hurt then I don't think it's fair to ask him to do a 6 hour car journey. When my back went about 6 years ago the doctor told me to spend no more than 30 minutes in the car without stopping and walking round for 15 minutes.
He also told me not to iron or hoover. I was glad I had the children as witness when I told dh. Grin

DuggeesWoggle · 21/12/2019 21:21

Sounds very familiar - my DH is like this. He's better than he was but he used to be 'ill' for every family get together/function (my family) or social event (my friends - he doesn't do friends). It got really annoying - I was in a relationship but felt like I was single whenever I went out!

He's definitely got better, possibly because now we have kids we never go anywhere Grin. But give him half the chance he will don the dressing gown of doom and shuffle about the house moaning with actual relish

Trouble is he can get proper illnesses too. He also had pericarditis as a young man and this summer while I was heavily pregnant in a heatwave, he contracted whooping cough of all things! So I can't be totally unsympathetic.

champagneandfromage50 · 21/12/2019 21:24

so he has been complaining about going to your brothers and suddenly has a sore back.....and the only year he hasnt been ill is when he has been going to his own family...hmmm

woooooo · 21/12/2019 21:24

Is he doing the slipper shlepp?

Echobelly · 21/12/2019 21:25

It is annoying when they won't take the painkillers. DH has taken them for long periods every day for ages for back pain but often refuses to take them for anything else because 'you know I don't take painkillers' (uh no, not until you told me things given you took them for back pain for ages) Hmm

GlamGiraffe · 21/12/2019 21:29

I am suffering your husbands annual christmas contagion and am fed up with it.
I have a chronic health issue which in itself is quite severe and can flare up very badly uo the extent I am unable to fo anything. It also means I am immunisupressed.

The dingy cold wet winter days, the hurry ip to Christmas, they general germs buzzing everywhere means I'm doomed.
So far I've been in resus 2x in the past month unconscious, twice at the gp for the same issue and now have the most killer UTI which us resisting its 2nd batch of antibiotics. I feel grotty and completely exhausted. Still not hot all the xmas gifts or wrapped the ones I have either.

Having said al this, I font recline I bed, I usually manage to cook for 20 people feeling this bad, so bar the heart infection, your husband needs to suck it up!

OhCumInMyFaceful · 21/12/2019 21:32

I'm guessing that lots of people become run down at this time of the year because on top of any regular work/life stress, you've also got the weather happening, extra stress because of festivities, workplaces involved in sales or anything affected by the season are pressured so much harder... People are going to be more run down, struggling more, more likely to put a back out etc.

But the not taking meds to help sounds like.hes martyring himself and that's ridiculous

TatianaLarina · 21/12/2019 21:32

If you told him you were leaving him behind he would either a. Suddenly take his pain meds and find he could cope with the drive or b. Be perfectly happy staying home watching TV with some beers.

Original poster
CornishPorsche · 21/12/2019 21:32

@woooooo yup, lots of shuffling and schlepping.

OP posts:
Original poster
CornishPorsche · 21/12/2019 21:36

@Witchend I know, I think he's going to get his way and have a Christmas at home alone. I feel shit about it, but I have £££s worth of gifts under the tree for my DB, his husband, my nephew and my parents. They need to get to them somehow!

@TatianaLarina I suspect B.

OP posts:
TheSquitz · 21/12/2019 21:37

The slipper shlepp 😂

GlamGiraffe · 21/12/2019 21:38

You need to pop to one of the big pharmacies and buy him one of the back support adjustable corsets. Wonderful things. Slap some extra strength ibuprofen gel on him too. And give him co codamol threaten a permanent sex ban if he does not follow all your rules, including good behaviour--
He should sleep on his side eith a pillow between his knees too, then his back will be healing fast. No slouching on the sofa either...these are all rules!

Original poster
CornishPorsche · 21/12/2019 21:44

@GlamGiraffe he's now been slathered in diclofenac cream, and currently snoring in bed after a naproxen and two large co-codamol.
Are those corset things a good idea for treating back pain?

OP posts:
PositiveVibez · 21/12/2019 21:52

Was about to ask if he's shuffling round like his feet don't work.

He's also had it 3 times, the malingering twat

I need to use the malingering twat sometime soon 😂😂😂

Rosebel · 21/12/2019 22:09

I think your being a bit unreasonable actually. Having a bad back sounds pathetic but unless you suffer from it you can't understand how painful it is. When my back is bad I couldn't do 6 hours in the car.
Hes being a dick if he doesn't take painkillers though.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 21/12/2019 22:27

Ugh, I can't stand it when people won't take medicines that'll make them feel better!

Having said that, 6 hours in a car with back pain would be horrendous. Just leave him at home with his mate and beers, he'll be fine and you'll have a much better time without Mr. Whiny.

PlanDeRaccordement · 21/12/2019 22:33

Painkillers cab be addictive and have nasty side effects so I’m not surprised he refuses to take them.
YABU to expect a six hour one way drive with a bad back.

Bowerbird5 · 21/12/2019 22:54

Sitting in a car for 6 hours won't be a good idea. Tell him to take the train then he can walk up and down. Have you considered an Osteopath?

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 21/12/2019 22:56

Agree that painkillers shouldn't be taken unnecessarily but when someone is in real pain, taking a low dose isn't a bad idea.

I have occasional back pain and it can be really limiting - it keeps me awake, I can't walk or drive comfortably, etc. If a couple of over-the-counter painkillers in the morning and evening keep me mobile and able to sleep, I take them.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 21/12/2019 22:58

Depending on what's causing the back problems, massage can also be great for pain relief. It really helps mine.

MrsOnions · 21/12/2019 23:05

I knew someone who always got ill when he was on holiday so he would take a few days off a couple of weeks beforehand to get it over with.

Dozer · 22/12/2019 05:13

Painkillers don’t treat back pain. They just reduce pain.

Important for him to seek a diagnosis and advice. Back pain can start muscular, but if it’s due to disc issues and not treated can lead to permanent, horrible nerve pain.

If he walks that many steps a day at work he clearly needs to be in good shape to continue to work. That’s a higher priority than a christmas trip IMO.

I would be annoyed though if after big disappointment for you and your family he wouldn’t seek medical advice.

Dozer · 22/12/2019 05:13

Sitting in car is v bad for backs.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/12/2019 06:08

Of course sitting in a car is not good for backs. I have fibromyalgia and chronic pain, which goes from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. I would not go anywhere if I thought like this. I do understand that people, who get acute pain from time to time will find it difficult to cope with suddenly having pain. But I’d be pissed off in your position op.

If he can get an appointment for a deep tissue massage or some physio that would be really good. It sounds as though some regular body work could be good and once he’s found someone, who works well with him, perhaps he could thereafter book an appointment every Christmas to alleviate ongoing issues.

1forAll74 · 22/12/2019 06:12

Try and get him some seriously strong sleeping pills,and give him about three,and then crumble up another 15 of them into a drink, and he might sleep for a week,and you can have some peace..